


Phoenix

by ZorroRojo



Series: One Day Out West [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1, The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 65,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZorroRojo/pseuds/ZorroRojo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a really old story I am archiving here.  I suck at summaries.  Read the notes for more.</p><p>This is probably my favorite story of everything I've written.</p><p>Originally Posted in 2004</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Robin Serrano for listening to me whine that I suck, constantly, and for being the best story consultant ever. She always ends up fixing scenes for me so as usual, with my stories, some of this was written by her. In fact, I'm blaming it all on her.
> 
> Also, thanks for Judy for doing a read through and assuring me there will be an audience for this story. I had my doubts.
> 
> This story is a C/V slash story and is a prequel to my crossover story - 'One Day Out West' That story is a Stargate SG1 crossover. It can be found on the net, here: http://m7slash.com/viewstory.php?sid=197 
> 
> If you've read that story, then you've been pretty spoiled for this one. This story is completely set in the Old West and it can be read without reading the crossover, I think.
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> This story was written as the April birthday story for the BnB adult list. It's a hurt comfort list... that's the first waring.
> 
> I don't like to give warnings because I feel they take away from the story. I don't like giving away plot points in the form of warnings.
> 
> However, because of the sensitive subject matter in many different parts of this story, I'm going to break my own rules and give some warnings. 
> 
> I'm going to give a general warning here and then more specific warnings in a separate warning section.
> 
> That way, no one can say they weren't given a heads up, and people who don't like to be spoiled won't be.
> 
> For the general warnings: there's blood and gore, violence, sexual violence, bad language, torture-- psychological, physical and emotional. 
> 
> If that's enough of warnings for you, to either read it or not, please skip the warnings section. If you would like to know more, you can read the warnings post. But I really, really, really hate to give away plot points. Trust me, this story is not for the sensitive. If you consider yourself to be sensitive, don't read this story until you've had a friend vet it first.
> 
> As always, every single thing I write is fair game to anyone who wants to use it. Universes, original characters, character backstory; I'm not especially possessive when it comes to my fanfic. 
> 
> Now that this post is longer than some stories, I think I'll end with another warning.
> 
> If you squick easily, or get pissed if you get squicked, even after you have been warned, please don't read this. I won't be insulted if you choose to skip it, I promise.

*****

He was going to kill him... that's all there was to it and no one would ever find a trace of one Chris Larabee. One ornery, prickly, temperamental, moody sonofabitch. No one would blame him neither. 

Vin bit down his irritation at Chris, he'd left Chris and his moods back at the ranch for a reason; a damned good one, too. As he slipped into the Standish Tavern, Inez waved to him from behind the bar and Vin tipped his hat toward her. He slid into his usual chair, getting a nod from Buck and Ezra as he leaned back to get comfortable.

"Where's Chris?" Buck asked from behind his beer mug.

Vin just shrugged.

"Trouble at the Larabee-Tanner ranch?" Ezra asked, head tilted to the side. 

Vin shrugged again.

"C'mon, Vin, you can tell 'ole Buck. Chris threaten to shoot ya or something?"

"Ain't me in danger of getting shot about now," Vin mumbled before he could stop himself.

Buck laughed at him, as Vin knew he would, and Ezra tilted his head further to the side to get a better look at Vin's face, half hidden by the wide brim of his hat.

"Your eye is blackening nicely, Vin. By tomorrow at this time, your face will display most of the colors in the rainbow, if I'm not mistaken."

"Hope Chris' got a matching one, pard," Buck said as he motioned Inez over. She turned around, ignoring him and Buck sighed. "You'd think since she's going to be my wife, she could bring me a beer."

Vin, taken by surprise, laughed out loud. Hell, he wasn't in any laughing mood. Damn Buck, anyways.

"So?" Buck asked.

"So what?"

"Chris got a matching shiner?"

"Bring me back a beer," Vin said in response. "I figure you'll be serving a few once you get near that bar."

Buck's smile fell away and Vin's smile widened. Shit, that smarted. He hoped Chris pounded his hand with that damned hammer, would serve him right. Bastard.

"Mr Tanner?" Ezra's voice broke into his wishing Chris would fall and break his damn leg.

"What?"

"Are you staying in town tonight?"

"I reckon, why?"

"Sheriff Dunne is taking his wife fishing in the morning and would like someone to watch over the citizens."

Fishing? Casey wasn't too big, just yet, but she was expecting a baby. Why in the hell would JD take her fishing? Probably because she'd go without him, otherwise. Vin studied Ezra for a minute, thinking things through. He hadn't planned to spend the entire next day in town, but he supposed it would serve Chris right. He was in such a hurry to get the damn barn finished, let him work his ass off in the heat.

Ezra watched him impatiently. He knew Vin well enough to know prompting him would only shut him up. "You supposed to do it?" Vin finally asked.

"Supposed to is such a loaded word." Ezra shot right back.

"Knock it off, Ezra, I ain't in the mood for any of your dancin'."

"Cohabiting with Mr. Larabee has brought out your most charming side, I see."

"If I can have your room until morning, I'll do it," Vin said before Ezra could plead his case. "And not a word I'm there, either."

"I wouldn't dream of giving away your location, Mr. Tanner. You may spend the night in my room as I have other plans. There is one condition, however."

There always was. He stared at Ezra without saying a word. 

"You bathe before sleeping in my bed and you wear one of my nightshirts. I had my bedding laundered only yesterday."

"That's two conditions. And if'n it's all the same to you, I'll just sleep in what nature gave me. Nightshirts are for women. And you're paying for the bath."

"Of course," Ezra sighed out and Vin wanted to belt him one. 

He should back out now and make Ezra do the job he agreed to. But he was here, in town, unexpected and he didn't have money for a room and his wagon was out on the ranch. Hell, he should just go sleep out, but he wanted company. Any company but Chris, that is. Hell, he weren't much better company himself if Ezra's reaction meant anything. "And you buy my dinner, breakfast and a bottle of rotgot."

"Mr. Tanner! Half a day watching the dust blow around Main Street is hardly worth a bed, a bath, two meals, and your libations."

"Then do it yourself, Ezra. Hell, the money you're gonna make tonight will more than cover my needs, I reckon."

"You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Tanner." Ezra said as he flipped Vin two silver dollars. "That should be enough for your bath and evening meal. I'll tell Inez to put your drinks on my tab."

"Did I just hear what I think I heard?" Buck nearly yelled, approaching the table juggling a round of beers. 

"Vin will be taking over my duties tomorrow. Good day gentlemen," Ezra said as he stood. 

Vin was sure that disdain he heard in the 'gentlemen' was directed at him, but then he looked at Buck and decided it was meant for both of them. Ezra never did make no secret what he thought of Vin and Buck's manners.

"Here, Vin, take Ezra's drink. You look like you need it."

Vin took the offered beers, downing the first in one long swallow.

"So," Buck started once Vin set to sipping his second beer. "What did Chris hit ya for? And is the body hid?"

Vin gave Buck a little grin at that. Buck would understand better than anybody.

Vin spoke soft enough no one could overhear. Telling Buck was one thing, letting anyone else hear was another story all together. "We're working on the new barn."

"So what are you doing here?"

Vin shrugged.

"I been there, pard, I been there," Buck said, shaking his head and taking another sip of his beer.

"Ya ever think about strangling him?" Vin asked quietly.

Buck started laughing and Vin felt his irritation ratchet up another notch.

"Hell," Buck said once he got control of himself, "Strangle, shoot, knife, punch..." Buck's words trailed off into more laughter and Vin couldn't help it, he started laughing a little too.

"Weren't nothin, really. He's just in a mood cause of the heat. I'm in a mood, too."

"Gettin old will do that to a man."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Chris turns forty on Friday. That's enough to make a man snappish."

Vin went still. Damn, so that's what that was all about! 

"Sarah always made a big to-do about Chris' birthday. And he made one out of hers, too. He used to say it was the most important day of the year, well... until Adam was born, anyway..." 

Buck's jabbering faded away as Vin tried to recall just what set Chris off, exactly.

It was hot, too hot to be out working on a barn, but Vin kept his mouth shut. They had big plans and if they were going to have the new, eight stall barn done by first frost, three months away, they needed to work on it. They had too many other daily chores to let the barn wait. Fall would be there before they knew it and if they didn't get some work on it done each week, winter would be on them before they finished it. Worse still, they had a mare due to foal in two months and since the old lean-to barn got knocked down in the last big storm, they had nowhere for the mare to foal.

Vin finished hauling another pile of lumber from the staging area and walked toward the pump. He was gonna sweat away to dust, he kept this up. He gave Chris' back a dirty look. Larabee thought he could make it cooler by willing it so? Stubborn jackass. Vin stripped off his shirts and doused himself with a bucket of water. Not only did Chris insist they work their tails off in the heat of the day, but the durn fool walked around without a shirt on.

Vin wasn't sure exactly what the date, or even the week was, but he knew high summer when he felt it. Probably the middle of July, he guessed. He didn't have no need to know the day or the date. JD kept a calendar in the jail, but Vin never looked at it.

Vin dunked his shirts in the bucket, then bent his head to wet it under the pump. He took his time getting dressed, his back to Chris. He didn't need to see him, he could feel him seething even with him all the way over there. 

Weren't no two ways about it, Chris was in a mood, had been for awhile now. Vin couldn't figure out what set him off and he didn't much care at this point what exactly set Larabee to brooding. If'n it was something he did, he weren't no Shaman, Chris would just have to tell him what it was. And if weren't something he did, well then, Larabee had no call to take it out on him. 

But Vin let things roll off him like other men didn't; he didn't worry about the small irritations life was always serving up. He figured it was the reason Chris tolerated him like no other. Make that he put up with Chris like not many others would. Man couldn't do much about his nature. And there was more than enough about Chris that he admired, respected and appreciated than he could put into words. He'd just have to remember that when Larabee made his hair hurt.

And boy howdy, Larabee was making even his short hairs hurt this week. Vin studied the lumber pile, deciding if he could use the dwindling stock of lumber to make an excuse to head to the hills. They could do for some more trees soon. But Chris planed the lumber and he said when to get more. Vin didn't have as much experience turning trees into buildings so he let Chris lead the way. But he did have experience living in the desert and what a blamed fool thing it was to work through the mid-day heat. Hell, he was getting his back up again... and the cooling water wasn't helping him stay calm anymore. 

"Vin!" Chris shouted and Vin nearly kicked the bucket over. So much for not letting Larabee goad him to a place he didn't feel like going.

Vin took his time, moving like a sane person in the heat. Chris' skin starting to turn red, and Vin couldn't tell if it was from working or from the sun. Would serve his pasty white ass right, to get all burned up. Vin'd laid in a supply of aloe at the beginning of summer, just for days like this. Man as pale as Chris had no call to be walking around half naked in the desert. Stupid white man.

"You going to stand around all day or you going to help?"

Vin didn't answer. Wasn't no way to answer that without starting a fight.

"I want to have the framing finished before dinner."

Vin slowly made his way to where Chris had the framing laid out. There was an awful lot of it; Vin didn't think they needed a barn so big, but Chris insisted. Eight double sized stalls, somebody was thinking big - and it wasn't Vin.

"Still don't see the need for this many stalls," Vin mumbled as he shifted to get more comfortable. His blamed back was acting up again, too. 

Chris sighed deep and Vin knew things were going to come to a head. Ever since they started work on the damned barn, things weren't good. They hadn't so much as kissed since they nearly knocked each other senseless the first day of work.

"Horses won't hardly use 'em, most times," Vin said as he bent to help Chris move a section of framing.

"And I suppose you forgot about last winter when we couldn't get out of the house for three days because of the snow. The horses we're buying and breeding aren't indian ponies. They need the shelter of a good barn."

"Well maybe we ought to be buying mustangs, then," Vin shot back.

That earned him a glare, and that made the hairs on his neck stand up. Larabee ought to point them eyes of his and that stare somewheres else. It didn't do no good where Vin was concerned anyways. He'd been stared down by men evil to the core, no ornery gunslinger with rules about shootin people in the back weren't gonna scare him.

"I figure I'll take a trip to get some more trees tomorrow. Be gone about four days, I reckon." Vin said after looking away from Chris and to the horizon. "Weather ain't gonna let up, I figure some time under the trees would be good."

Vin looked back to Chris to find him glaring even harder, if that was possible. 

"You figure, huh?" Chris bit out and Vin met his eyes again. 

"Yeah, I do." Vin drawled out, letting his tense stance go loose limbed. Nothing riled Chris up like Vin going relaxed as Chris worked himself into a lather. 

"Going to be gone four days or so?" Chris asked, head tilted to the side and Vin nodded. 

Just what the hell did Chris want from him, anyways. He had that look in his eye like he was trying to figure something out, something Vin wasn't a party to, and that irked him even more.

"Boys are coming out to raise the framing on Friday," Chris said, all deceptively casual-like. Chris turned back to his framing and Vin felt like he'd just missed something important. Something really important, the way Chris went at that wood.

"What day is today?" Vin asked during a lull in the hammering.

Chris turned around to face Vin again, hands going to his hips. His face, even redder than before, went all closed and stoney-eyed and Vin knew he was getting close to the splinter worrying Chris' backside.

Chris got that look in his eye, the one usually said someone was about to get shot. He dropped his hammer to the ground and stalked past Vin and over to the pump. He took his time wetting himself down, pushing past Vin, forcing him out of his way as he went back to his wood. Chris went back to hammering without looking at Vin.

"Fine," Vin said over the din. "I'm leaving tonight. Be back in four days, whatever day that is. How many trees do you want?" 

When he got no answer from Chris, Vin stalked away, only to be stopped by Chris spinning him around.

"Leave off, Chris," Vin said, shaking his arm free.

"How the hell can you not know what day it is?" Chris spat out. "Do you even know what month it is?" Chris asked, sarcasm and disdain clear in his voice and body language.

Chris never looked at him like that, like he was less because he was a little different in the way he lived his life. Ezra would look at him like that every so often, but Chris never had. 

Made Vin want to hit him, but Vin wasn't a man to give in to his impulses.

"If it's all fired important, why don't you just tell me what day it is?" Vin asked, keeping his voice soft and his words slow.

"Now why would I go and do that?" Chris asked. "You don't need to know things like the day or date. Why would you care about things like that?" Chris asked, looking at Vin like he was a simpleton again.

"I ain't stupid, Chris, and I won't stand for you treating me as such. At least I ain't stupid enough to work through the mid-day sun." Vin got in Chris' space, jabbing at his chest with his finger. "I don't need to know the date to know that only an idiot would work in the summer sun without a shirt or hat!"

He didn't see it coming. One second he was yelling at Chris, jabbing him in the chest, the next he was on his backside on the ground. Bastard blind-sided him!

Vin shot to his feet, ready to give as good as he just got, but Chris was ready for him and popped him one again, this time catching him right in the eye. Vin crouched low, ready to knock Chris off his feet. Hell, he didn't want to do this. It was too god damned hot to fight. He staggered off, reeling a little from the two sharp blows, but he didn't check for blood. He whistled for his horse, not looking back at Chris. Chris wanted a fight and Vin weren't in the mood to give Chris anything he wanted. Fuck him.

When Peso trotted over to him, Vin grabbed a fistful of mane and jumped on. 

"Where are you going?" Chris called after him, but Vin rode on without a backward glance. "Vin!"

Let him work on the blamed barn by his own self, Vin fumed. He spent the entire ride to town trying to figure out just what the hell happened. He was no closer to knowing when he stepped into the Standish Tavern.

Buck may have told him, though. Buck was still prattling on, had been the entire time Vin was lost in thought. He interrupted him, hand in the air. "What day is today?"

"Tuesday," Buck answered, without giving him any grief about it, either. Well, didn't that just beat all. Chris' birthday was three days away. And Vin planned to be out hunting trees. Of all the durned things to rile a man. He was so pissed off because Vin was going to miss his birthday? No how, that couldn't be it.

"Chris' birthday is Friday?" Vin asked Buck. He still didn't quite believe all that lather was over something so simple.

"Sure is. Old man's going to be forty," Buck said around a laugh.

"You ain't too far behind, are ya, Buck?" Vin teased.

"I got four years before I'm ready for the rocker on the porch, Junior. Least I'm a man and not some half-grown boy," Buck teased back.

"I ain't been a boy in so long, I'm not sure I ever was one," Vin answered, serious again.

"How old are you then?"

"Don't rightly know, Buck. Twenty-seven or twenty-eight, I suppose. Once my Ma passed, I didn't have someone to keep track of such things."

Buck gave him a strange look and Vin shrugged. He'd never lived by a calendar, he couldn't understand why it was all so fired important what the date was. 

"Hmmm... you're the same age as Sarah would be... or thereabouts. Ain't that funny?" Buck asked, giving Vin a pointed look.

Vin didn't react. Buck didn't know what he and Chris got up to out on their ranch and Vin didn't figure it was any of his business. 

"Chris being so much older was one of the things her pa hated about him. But women are always ready to settle down earlier than men, ain't they?" Buck asked, looking toward Inez. 

"Don't know about that, Buck," Vin drawled. 

"Don't know why JD was in such an all-fired hurry to get hitched, neither," Buck grumped. "Boy's only twenty-one."

A stray thought struck Vin, then. "Buck, you know when everyone's birthday is and how old they are?"

"Course I do," Buck said, finally giving Vin the strange look he'd been waiting for. "All but yours. Funny it never came up before. When is your birthday, Vin?"

Vin didn't answer. Truth was, he didn't know or care. He hadn't been raised celebrating birthdays... or any days for that matter. He'd celebrated seasons, not days.

Buck shrugged off Vin's non-answer and asked, "So what are you getting Chris for his birthday?"

Vin shrugged. He'd never given someone a birthday gift before. He had no idea where to even start. "Bottle of that rye he likes so much, maybe?" He hadn't meant for it to come out a question, but it had anyway.

Buck looked at him, head tilted to the side, considering. "That'd be a good start, Vin. You got three days to figure it out. You'll come up with something."

"Where are you going?" Vin asked as Buck rose from the table.

"I gotta go get prettied up for the picnic I'm taking Inez on tomorrow. We're riding out with JD and Casey first thing in the morning."

"I'm heading to the bathhouse, too," Vin called to Buck. Maybe he could get Buck to give him some ideas for a birthday present for Chris. If it was that important to Chris, Vin would mark Chris' birthday. 

Vin followed Buck to the bathhouse, plopping down one of Ezra's silver dollars onto the desk to pay for his bath. He collected his change and pocketed it, thinking what he could do with the fifty cents he just spent on a bath. He shoulda went out to the creek and bathed, instead of spending the only money he had. 

He drew his curtain and stripped out of his sweaty clothes. He sunk into the warm water, wishing it was a cool creek instead. He still couldn't wrap his mind around Chris getting ornery over a birthday. He tried to think back... a few months before, Chris had mentioned his birthday. What did he say... the last day of July! That's right. 

"Open that curtain so I can talk to you," Buck called out.

"I'm already soaking, Buck."

"I ain't gonna look at you, Vin," Buck called out, too loud for just a curtain separating them. "Even JD don't hide behind a curtain. Ain't no ladies in here, no call to be shy."

"Ain't shy, Buck," Vin said right before he dunked his head. "Just want to have a bath in peace," he said, shaking the water from his hair.

"It's only us in here, can't get much more peaceful than that," Buck called back. 

Vin gave a little snort as he lathered his hair. Buck and peace? Vin wasn't too good with numbers, but he knew that didn't add up to quiet. Vin finished his bath quickly, listening to Buck prattle on about goings on in town. He didn't come to town all that often any more, only when he and Chris needed supplies or the company of others. Maybe they should come to town more often, seeing how they were irritating each other so much. 

But the irritating only started in the past week, Vin was sure of it. Before that, things had been pretty normal. Up early, before the sun most days. Sometimes a little toss before they got up, sometimes not. Breakfast always fixed by Chris, with a noon meal gathered by Vin. Chores, checking their land and horses, more chores, sometimes a break for some more fun, usually right where they were when the mood took them. Then dinner, hunted or cured meat that Vin got them, then bed with the sun. If they'd managed a whole day without fucking, they'd fuck before sleep. Or even on days they'd managed to fit in some closeness they'd do it again.

Vin couldn't ever remember being happier. Until Chris got ornery about a week or so ago. Each day Chris managed to get Vin's back up until he was just as ornery as Chris had taken to being. 

Vin dressed behind his curtain, strapping on his gun and knife last, listening to Buck prattle on, still. He was awful glad he'd come to town, suddenly. He waited for Buck to finish and dress, then followed him back into the street. 

"Got plans for dinner, Vin?" Buck asked and Vin shook his head. "I gotta go order up something for the picnic tomorrow, why don't we grab some grub at the same time?"

Vin nodded and followed Buck to the rooming house. He didn't get free meals anymore, not since he and Chris stopped being full-time peacekeepers six months before. As Deputy sheriff, Buck still got free meals though. 

Vin settled at the table, deciding what he should order, pretty quick. If he only ordered a plate of beans, he'd have a dollar and a quarter to spend on Chris' gift. Not much to speak of, but better than nothing.

"You've been awful quiet, Vin," Buck said once they'd ordered their dinner and Buck's picnic basket for the next day. "What are ya stewin about?"

"Jist thinking," Vin offered as he bit into a roll. "You seen Josiah today?" Vin asked.

"He and Nate and Raine went out to Raine's village yesterday to do some planning for the ceremony. Won't be back until late tomorrow," Buck answered around a mouthful of dinner roll. 

Vin chewed his roll, his mind lost in thought. It was no use, he wasn't any good with this kind of thing. 

"Who do you think will be next?" Buck asked, interrupting Vin's thoughts.

"To do what?"

"Get hitched. JD's already up and done it, Nate's doing it next month and me and Inez are just waiting for her parents to let us know when they can make it here. Way I figure it is that we're all falling one by one."

"Don't know about that, Buck."

"You think it will be Josiah or Ezra?" 

Vin looked at him then, not sure just where he was headed. Buck looked innocent enough, but Buck could pry better than most of the old biddies in town. Man was downright sneaky, sometimes. Vin just shrugged as the waitress brought him his plate of beans. Buck, distracted by his own heaping plate of pot roast and mashed potatoes let it drop and Vin felt like he'd just dodged a bullet. He and Chris weren't trying to hide but Buck didn't need to go poking into their business. He'd probably already figured things out for himself anyways. 

Vin went back to his pondering, thinking back about what Buck said about Sarah making a holiday out of Chris' birthday. Maybe that was what was eating at him and not that Vin didn't pay no mind... either Chris was missing what he used to have, or he expected Vin to celebrate the same way Sarah had. He'd have to think on it some more before he went and did something foolish.

Vin mopped up the bean juice with the last of his bread and licked his fingers clean. Buck pushed his plate back at the same time, leaving half his mashed potatoes. 

"You gonna eat that?" Vin asked, pointing at the plate.

"All yours, Vin. Inez's been filling me up right good. Boy, can that woman cook! Chris must be feeding you pretty good, you look like you've filled out some." Buck said and Vin got suspicious again.

Chris weren't no filly. His throbbing eye was proof of that. If it was a normal day, one where they started the day with Chris' dick inside him, he'd have that little twinge to remind him, too. 

Vin felt his cheeks flush, thinking about Chris' dick. He concentrated on the food, keeping his face hidden from Buck's prying eyes.

"I gotta go make sure I can get a buggy for tomorrow, Vin. I'll see you out at your place Friday. Tell Chris... never mind," Buck called out, "I'm sure I'll be seeing him soon enough. He'll stew until tomorrow, then he'll come to town."

As if Buck took all the energy in the room when he left, Vin was suddenly exhausted. He didn't look too close at what he thought Buck was trying to tell him. He didn't want to.

He still had to see to Peso and check in with JD at the jail before he could turn in for the night. He didn't think he could sleep, but he planned to be up early in the morning and he'd try to go to bed early. 

He was halfway to the jail when a single gunshot rang out. Vin listened for a second, trying to be sure where the shot came from. He drew his gun before heading for the jail. Before he could slip in the door, JD came out, covered in blood, face white and eyes wide.

"JD!" Vin shouted. He hurried the rest of the way to the jail to check on JD. He ducked past JD, and checked inside. He couldn't see into the shadows too good and he half turned to check on JD. Those were brains all over him. Vin relaxed a little, if JD was covered in brains, they sure weren't his own.

He cautiously stepped into the dim of the jail house, spotting the feet in the far cell almost immediately. Looked like a prisoner went and shot himself. Vin pulled up, sure there was no threat, and went back out to check on JD. 

"What happened, kid," he asked softly. Looked like JD was about to bolt any second.

Buck came round the corner, gun drawn, followed by Ezra. 

"What's all the shooting about, boys?" Buck shouted.

"Jed Nelson went and shot himself. I don't know what happened... a bounty hunter brought him in this morning."

Nelson had a bounty on him, one hundred dollars, alive, for suspicion of murder. Nelson was a kid, barely twenty, a big strapping blond ranch boy from out north of town. He was the last one seen with Katy Wills, a working girl new to town. Kid was stinking drunk and known to get violent. He took off before JD could arrest him. That had been near Christmas time. Judge Travis set a low bounty to get him back to town for trial.

Buck moved JD aside and stepped into the jail. "Sure made a mess," Buck called out. "Guess he didn't want to hang."

Vin, Ezra and JD followed Buck into the jail. Vin leaned against the desk and surveyed the damage. Blood spattered all over the far wall of the cell, Nelson's lifeless body, his head half gone, he still held JD's gun in his lifeless hand.

"I've known Jed for a few years," JD stammered as Vin took in the scene. "He seemed quiet, like he had no fight left in him. When he got ahold of my gun, I thought I was a goner. He didn't even look at me, just grabbed my gun and blew his head off."

Vin thought on Buck's words for a minute, but they didn't make any kind of sense. Nelson wouldn'tve hanged even if he was found guilty. No witnesses, a crime of passion, the victim a working girl. Weren't no way a jury would've hanged him. Sent him to prison, maybe. Hanged him... not even if he was guilty. 

"He say anything at all, JD?" Vin asked.

"Nope, not one word all day."

"Feller brought him in say anything?" Buck asked, as he pulled a blanket over the body.

"No, though he seemed a little strange for a bounty hunter."

"Strange how?" Buck asked.

"I'm not sure... he dressed awful nice and talked like Ezra."

"I had lunch with him this afternoon," Ezra said. "He was entirely too civilized to be a bounty hunter."

"You mean the two of you had dealings with a bounty hunter today and you didn't let anyone know?" Buck demanded, glancing at Vin.

"I thought Vin was out at his place, Buck, I would have warned him Friday," JD said.

"As soon as I was aware of his profession and that he hails from Mr. Tanner's home state, I shared a meal with him to ascertain his intentions. I assure you, he left town right after lunch."

"Something ain't right, here," Buck said, shaking his head. "Why would Jed Nelson up and blow his head off? JD, you sure there was nothing about this bounty hunter seemed a little off?"

"He dressed awfully nice for a bounty hunter, seemed educated too. Other than that he was a nice enough fellow."

"Quite charming," Ezra called out from behind JD's desk. "Ah, here it is," Ezra said, opening the log book. "Marvin Leroy Loch, paid one hundred dollars."

Vin froze in place as Ezra read the name. His vision tunneled into almost blackness and the blood rushing through his head blocked his hearing. He could feel the others still in the room, but he couldn't see or hear them. Marvin Leroy Loch... a name he hadn't let into his head for going on six years... He couldn't breathe, suddenly. He staggered toward the door and if the others said anything, he wouldn't have known. Once outside, he took big gulps of air. Within seconds, he got hold of himself and scanned the street. He had business to take care of. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. 

"Ezra," Vin called out. "You sure this fellow left town?" Vin made sure he had control over his emotions, keeping the question as casual as he could. He was going hunting and he wasn't bringing anyone with him.

"I saw him off personally, Mr. Tanner. I assure you, he won't be back. I fear he found our lovely town lacking in stimulation."

"He say where he was headed?" Vin asked softly.

"I do believe he was going to Albuquerque."

Vin didn't pay the others any mind... though he thought he heard the word undertaker. That's right, Nelson would need to be buried. Vin couldn't think straight... sounds... smells... it was all coming back and it took all he had to get off that porch and head for the livery. His hand went to his gun automatically, then to the knife at his belt. He gripped the handle, his vision tunneling again. It got awfully cold, suddenly, and Vin wrapped his arms around himself. He had to get on his horse, that's what he had to do.

Within fifteen minutes of hearing Loch's name, Vin was on his trail. The biggest piece of unfinished business in his life and Vin couldn't get his thoughts together. Loch was still alive... he was here, in town just a few hours ago. Vin may even have missed him by only a few minutes. He kicked Peso into a trot, riding bareback with only a bridal. He'd left all his gear back at the ranch. He didn't need anything but his horse and his gun, anyway. Didn't matter. Nothing mattered except killing Loch.


	2. Chapter Two

**********

Within fifteen minutes of hearing Loch's name, Vin was on his trail. The biggest piece of unfinished business in his life and Vin couldn't get his thoughts together. Loch was still alive... he was here, in town just a few hours ago. Vin may even have missed him by only a few minutes. He kicked Peso into a trot, riding bareback with only a bridal. He'd left all his gear back at the ranch. He didn't need anything but his horse and his gun, anyway. Didn't matter. Nothing mattered except killing Loch.

Six years before... seemed like another lifetime ago. Three years before he'd met up with Chris and the rest of the seven... the bounty fresh, only a few weeks old, he wasn't yet used to living as the hunted instead of the hunter. He was on Eli Joe's trail, his only thoughts to catch the snake and get him to tell the truth. He wasn't on guard like he should have been. It was his own fault he got took and he knew it. Loch found him outside of Fort Davis, down in the Big Bend. Vin was hunting Eli Joe and not being careful who he talked to. He wouldn't make that mistake ever again.

Vin found Loch's trail, or what he thought was his trail, pretty quick. Not many people were on the road in this heat, but the things Loch got up to never made any kind of sense to him. Vin took his time hunting, he wouldn't let Loch get the drop on him, this time.

He'd buried Loch in his mind so deep, took him nearly a year of living wild to do it. He came out of that year the man he was today... he buried the details, only taking the lessons with him when he rejoined the living. But it was all coming back to him now and Vin let the memories take over. 

Vin Tanner was a man on a mission. He was going to find Eli Joe if it was the last thing he did. Last trail he found headed almost down into Mexico. It weren't right for Vin to have a five hundred dollar bounty on his head. Old Eli was probably laughing himself silly over it. But Vin planned to find him and he'd have the laugh, then. He checked his horse one last time and settled into his camp. He could sleep a week; he'd been riding hard the past three days. But he couldn't rest. He knew where Eli was headed, down to Lajitas on the Rio Grande. There was a small mining town on the Texas side and a bustling village on the Mexican side. Eli shacked up with a whore down there when he wanted to lay low. Vin planned on clearing up the whole mess and getting on with his life. Maybe finding a new line of work outside bounty hunting.

Vin was ten kinds of mad, was so nearly every waking hour of the day. He could hardly think about anything else. Getting ahold of Eli Joe and getting his name cleared... he knew he'd do it. Old Eli fancied himself some sort of tracker, but Vin was better and he knew it. Bastard was gonna hang for what he did to that farmer... and for what he did to Vin. And if Eli didn't want to tell the truth? Vin had a plan for just that possibility. He could get the truth out of a man, that was for sure. He may look like a white man, but he was Comanche through and through. Eli Joe would do best to remember that.

Vin settled down to sleep, thoughts of vengeance the only thoughts rattling around his head. He woke to a roaring fire, just feet from where he slept. What the hell? He'd only set up a cold camp. He tried to rise, but he couldn't move. He nearly panicked, then. He jerked around, testing the shackles that bound him hand and foot. His feet were chained to a tree so he couldn't stand. Hell. His head hurt something fierce and he could feel the blood trickling down his neck.

He stopped moving once he found there was no use and tried to get his bearings. He sniffed the air, eyes darting around the roaring fire. He thrashed some more, tried to get free of his bonds. Weren't no use though and by the time he gave up, he was blowing hard. He struggled some more, disbelief at his situation making him foolish. 

"I'm pleased to see you've joined the party, Mr. Tanner," a deep, resonant voice, smooth as honey, with the soft lilt of a southern accent making it seem even smoother.

Vin froze where he lay. He got bushwhacked by an Easterner? No, he wouldn't believe that! 

The man stepped out of the shadows and into the firelight. Vin didn't turn his head, but he tracked him with his eyes. Tall and well formed, wearing expensive clothes. Dark hair, a smooth jaw. A lot older than Vin's twenty-two years, but he couldn't tell by how much. 

The man made some kind of sissy bowing motion and Vin grew even more angry. *This* man got the drop on him? He looked Vin up and down before speaking. "My name is Marvin Leroy Loch, of the Savannah Lochs, and I am now five hundred dollars richer. Thank you."

"Gotta bring me in to see a dime of that money, mister," Vin grated out. 

Loch gave him the once-over again, taking in every detail of his prisoner. It kind of spooked Vin, a little, the way Loch sized him up. Not enough to take the fight out of him though. 

"You got no chance of making it the three hundred and fifty miles back to Tascosa, mister. You let me go and I won't kill you. You don't let me go, I'll kill you when I let myself go."

It gave Vin a little shiver, the way the man examined him, like he was some sort of hunting trophy. He supposed he was one, but Loch kept eyeballing him. Still didn't take the fight out of him. Vin had things to do, he didn't have time for no fancy man who thought he was a bounty hunter. He'd bide his time... he'd get his chance, get free and track down Eli Joe.

"Your wanted poster didn't do you justice, Vin." He moved closer, close enough for Vin to lash out, but Vin would wait for the right moment. Loch had a good six inches and probably close to a hundred pounds on Vin. Why couldn'tve he been took by a scrawny bounty hunter? He'd need a weapon to take Loch down. He still couldn't believe he'd been captured. 

"You're older than you look in the poster, though." Loch said, kneeling almost close enough to touch Vin. He leaned over and reached out a long, silk covered arm. Vin shrank back from the touch out of instinct. This man and his smooth ways were making Vin's blood run cold and he couldn't figure out why.

He couldn't move much further, shackled to the tree like he was. He didn't flinch when Loch brushed his hair off his face. So that's how it was, huh? Vin had lain with men before. Some out of choice; once, not so much choice given to him. 

Vin made a point of closing off his own expression, using the blank face he'd been taught by the braves who taught him to be a man. Weren't anything he could do to stop Loch from taking whatever it was he planned on taking. He wouldn't get any part of Vin that mattered, though, that was for damned sure.

Loch leaned back again, caressing Vin's jaw as he pulled his hand away. "The moment I saw your poster, I knew I'd have you," Loch said, his voice smooth as honey, his eyes sparkling in the firelight. "I thought it would be harder to find you, but you made things nice and easy and I thank you for that."

Vin didn't answer. He wouldn't be taunted into being foolish. He'd been foolish enough already, not watching his back like he should have been. He was too busy going after Eli Joe's back and now he was paying for it.

"Have you eaten?" Loch asked, pulling a bundle off his horse.

Vin didn't answer. Why didn't the bastard just get it over with, not act like they were courting. Offering him dinner. What the hell was the man up to?

"No matter if you answer me or not, Vin, we're going to have a good time together on our way to Tascosa."

"I'll see you hang right next to me, Loch. Texans ain't too fond of men who fuck men. Like to give 'em neck stretching parties."

Loch moved closer to Vin, getting right up in his space but Vin didn't back down or flinch.

"That's very sweet, boy," Loch sneered. "Do you really think there is anyone, anywhere on God's Green Earth who cares what happens to you? Do you think if I marched you into a jail cell and you were bleeding to death from your ass, that anyone would care? Do you think if I brought you to Tascosa missing an arm or a leg, or maybe even your testicles, that anyone would even notice? If I gutted you like the pig you are and brought you in trailing your entrails, I would be paid my bounty and thanked."

Vin stared back at him, not thinking about some of those things Loch mentioned. Vin was starting to get the feeling this man might have done some of them things, the way his eyes glowed and his cheeks flushed as he talked about the things he could do with no one caring he did them.

"Do you think anyone would even listen to a murdering half-breed boy dressed in buckskins who lives like a savage? You are nothing, Vin Tanner. Nothing. I can do what I want with you, to you and not one person will do one thing to stop me. Decent folk do not care what happens to murdering savages, Vin."

Vin looked away. Vin knew Loch meant what he said. He knew he'd done some of those things, too. He could see it in his eyes. He'd find a way loose, he was confident of that. He might have to get through some pain first, but he'd do it.

Loch stepped back to his saddlebags and Vin watched him, warily. Loch spread out his dinner, getting ready to cook. Vin sat silently, thinking, planning. He spotted a knife, he'd have to keep track of that thing. Big bowie knife sparkling in the fire. He could get his hands on that knife and he'd gut Loch.

His stomach rumbled when he smelled the meat cooking, but he didn't try to hide the fact. If Loch wanted to play some kind of game, maybe Vin would get fed. He needed fuel if he was gonna take on the big man. Loch finished his dinner and cleaned his camp, not paying any attention to Vin. He set a pot of coffee on to boil and finally turned his eyes on his prisoner.

"Now what shall we do, Mr. Tanner?"

Vin didn't answer. 

Loch stalked closer, gun drawn and Vin didn't flinch away. The gun pointed right at his head, Vin cursed that damned dead or alive bounty again. He couldn't fight back with a gun pointed at his head. Loch didn't have anything to lose, he'd get paid whether Vin got to Tascosa with his brains inside his skull or outside his skull. Vin preferred inside. 

"We must do something about your appearance," Loch murmured. "Turn around," he gestured, gun waving. "Legs stretched out in front of you.

Vin bit back a sigh and turned around, fighting to keep his balance, and get settled with his legs stretched out in front of him. Way he saw it, he didn't have much choice. He felt the gun at the back of his head, the cold steel poking through his hair.

"Hands in the air," Loch ordered and Vin raised his shackled hands. 

The locks released, the chain dropped onto Vin's outstretched legs. One hand came down and pulled his shirts out of his britches. So this was it. He wouldn't fight. He would live through a poke, even if it wasn't pleasant. The gun bit into his side and Loch pulled Vin's shirts off him.

"Hands behind your back, if you will," that voice Vin was growing to despise whispered right into his ear. Vin did as he was told and Loch shackled his hands once again. "Turn around."

Vin turned around slowly, he couldn't feel Loch next to him any more. If the guy wanted to fuck him, why didn't he just get it over with? Vin spotted him back over near the fire, mixing something in a cup. The bounty hunter snagged his bowie knife, heading toward Vin.

He sat next to him, gun in his lap casually. "Tilt your head back."

Vin didn't move, just watched the man grow irritated with him. The fist came at him too fast for him to even flinch, knocking his head backward with the force of the blow. He almost ended up on his back, but he struggled upright. 

"Head back," Loch motioned again and this time, Vin did it. "I'm going to give you a shave," Loch said as he spread the lather. "If you move, I'll cut your throat."

Vin tolerated the hands on him, the intimate act of being given a shave while he was half naked. It didn't take long and Loch stepped back to examine his handiwork. 

"Much better," Loch whispered, eyes glittering as he examined his work. "A shave makes you look ten years younger."

Vin's gut clenched with fear for the first time since he woke to this nightmare. Something in the man's voice reached down into Vin and ripped something loose. He didn't look at Loch, he couldn't. He didn't flinch when the hands touched him. Loch skimmed his hands across Vin's bare chest, feeling the skin, rubbing his nipples, cresting the top of his pants. Vin remained still as stone. Get it over with, he almost said. 

"Aren't you wondering what I plan to do with you?" Loch whispered in his ear again. He cupped Vin's genitals, squeezing gently. "Aren't you afraid?"

Vin didn't answer, kept his sights on the ground and his body loose-limbed. No he wasn't afraid, he told himself, he was too busy planning what he'd do to Loch once he got free. 

"You should be," Loch whispered in his ear again and Vin felt him get up and move away. "You will be," the bounty hunter called from the other side of the fire. Vin turned to look at him, watched him stow his knife and guns.

He took his time coming back and Vin wished once again for him to get it over with. Instead, Loch unshackled his hands and then sat back on his haunches, staring at Vin. "You're a very pretty young man," Loch said as he reached out to touch Vin again. 

Vin moved quick as he could, knocking Loch's hands away and jumping on top of him. They rolled around on the ground, Vin looking for any opening he could find. He tried to get to Loch's eyes, planning to gouge them out with his thumbs, but the man was too much bigger than he was. Vin found himself face-down in the dirt, Loch breathing deep, laying on his back. He thrust into Vin's backside, his erection pushing hard into Vin through their clothes. Vin struggled harder and Loch humped him harder still. "Yes," whispered in his ear and Vin went still. He let his body go lax. He wouldn't win this fight, he knew. Letting Loch fuck him was the only option now, if he didn't want to get tore up but good. He needed to be able to move, to get away with the first opportunity.

Loch ground his erection into Vin and Vin tried his best to block out what was happening. It felt huge, it was going to hurt, but he wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction of making a sound. Hands at his pants and they were painfully ripped from him, harsh panting still, right in his ear. Vin didn't move, didn't help, but didn't fight, either. 

Hands on his rear, gouging into him and he tried to relax even more. He spread his legs a little and tilted his hips up. It was going to hurt no matter what, but he would do what he could to protect himself. And if that meant being relaxed while Loch had his way with him, well, that's what he would do.

Hands spreading him further, ripping his legs as far apart as the shackles would allow and Vin let him. He started a chant, silently; he'd be fine. He would. 

Cold on his ass, Loch working some of that shaving lather into him. Damn, that stung! He fought back the automatic reflexes of his body. If he tensed up, he'd be ripped up but good. He was going to kill the fucking bastard for this... that was for damn sure. He resisted the urge to fist his hands, he concentrated on making every muscle in his body so loose, he could be hit with a board and it still wouldn't hurt. He almost didn't notice when the hands left his body, almost wasn't aware that Loch wasn't trying to push into him anymore. 

He didn't look, he couldn't and keep the calm he'd found. It took all of his concentration to remain limp, play possum. Minutes ticked by but the hands didn't return. He could feel Loch moving next to him, could feel the shift in the air. He finally risked a look, turning his head to the side and opening his eyes. What the hell! Loch working at his dick, pulling it, staring at Vin's naked body. His dick was limp, completely and totally limp and the tugging wasn't helping matters.

Vin couldn't help it, he laughed. Wasn't the smartest reaction, he knew, soon as Loch's head turned to meet his eyes. Ice blue eyes, filled with anger, strong and cold, met him and he laughed even louder. Hell, he couldn't fuck anything with that limp noodle!

Loch jumped to his feet, kicking Vin in the ribs before he stalked over to the fire. Vin took the pain, didn't curl in on himself, instead, planned a way to free himself while Lock was so fired up. Loch was back, quick, grabbing at Vin's hair, yanking him halfway to his feet by his hair. Gun cocked and at his head before Vin could draw a breath, Loch's cold stare right in his face. He started to pull the trigger and Vin didn't break the stare. Looked like he was going to meet his maker this day. Not the way he wanted to go, but he'd be going on his terms, not Loch's and that's what mattered to him most.

More pressure on the trigger and Vin didn't even draw a deep breath, just kept staring into Loch's eyes. He wouldn't feel a thing, he reminded himself. The bullet would be through his brain before he heard the shot. It gave him a feeling of power, the knowing he was about to die.

Loch threw his gun away and punched Vin in the face, still holding onto him by the hair. Vin took the punch, let himself fall. He was catching on quick. Loch wanted him to fight back, but Vin wouldn't play his game. 

Loch let go of his hair and Vin fell to the ground, hands going to his groin to cover the tender exposed flesh. He tried to relax again, ready for the beating he was about to get. Mr. Fancy-man had nothing on a pack of Comanche braves for inflicting pain, that was for damned sure. He would take it and be the one still standing at the end.

Loch let up on him and Vin stayed still. He'd outlasted the crazy-man, he knew he would. Hands in his hair, hauling him to his feet again and Vin took his own weight. Upright again, he was dizzy, blood dripping from his nose to the ground. He met Loch's stare, didn't flinch away when the fist came at his face again, but Loch pulled his punch before fist met flesh.

They stared at each other awhile longer, Loch searching for something in his eyes. Vin wouldn't give him anything. He had been taught well. You never, ever, ever gave your enemy the satisfaction of knowing he'd gotten to you, no matter what he did to you. That had been drilled into him, painfully, as a boy approaching manhood. The warriors taught the boys how to be Comanche warriors and Vin absorbed every lesson. Especially the painful ones. Last time he was through this area, Vin was just a boy, allowed on the war trail with the men. He breathed in through his swollen nose, trying to get the familiar scents of home into his senses. It would give him strength.

Loch let him go and he stayed standing, swaying on his feet a little. What the hell did this man want from him... besides the bounty. He tried to figure it out, planned on giving him what he wanted if only to buy himself a little time. Tascosa was a long ways from the Big Bend and he had plenty of time to get free. He just had to stay alive until then. 

"Sit," Loch ordered, gun pointed at Vin's head again.

Vin considered the command long enough to rile Loch some more. Man had a temper, that was for damn sure. Soon as he didn't get his way, he was quick to do violence on a body. Vin would remember that. A hair-trigger temper like that was a weakness, in Vin's view.

"Hands behind your back."

Vin hesitated again, but complied. Loch didn't want to kill him until he got whatever he was looking for from him. And it wasn't just a poke. Vin almost started laughing again, but he held it back. Inciting the man was plain stupid.

Loch shackled Vin's hands behind his back again, then stepped in front of him. He lowered himself to the ground, close enough to reach out and touch Vin if he wanted to. 

"You're proving to be quiet the challenge, Mr. Tanner. I like that about you," Loch told him. Anger gone from his voice and the honey back. "Once I have figured out what makes you the man you are, then we'll have fun, won't we?" Loch tilted his head to the side and studied Vin, but Vin kept his gaze straight ahead, just to the right of the fire.

"What is that marking on your chest?" Loch asked. 

Vin had already decided not answering anything directed to him was the smartest way to play things... so he didn't answer. He'd speak only when he had to from now on. Loch liked to talk, seemed like, and Vin wasn't about do anything the bastard liked.

"Do the indians mark up all of their squaws with that mark?"

Vin broke his promise to himself, he met Loch's inquiring gaze with a hard stare. He weren't no squaw!

"I've heard of stories about indian men who live as women... disgraceful savages!" Loch spat out. 

Vin knew he was showing his anger. He just didn't like Loch talking about things he knew nothing about. Some people were born different. Some people were crippled or just plain wrong in the head. And some people preferred their own sex for intimacy. Instead of shunning them or locking them away, The People accepted them, treated them like humans and not animals, just who was the savage?

"Most men about to get fucked by a man act very different than you... is that because you're used to playing the part of squaw? Usually they're afraid and fight right up until they're fucked raw."

"You'd know, wouldn't you?" Vin asked, not trying to mask his emotions anymore. Maybe if he fought Loch, he could get him to show some of that temper again. Force him into a stupid mistake.

"Yes, Mr. Tanner, I would." 

Loch stared at him like he was prey again and Vin didn't back down, didn't give an inch. He could feel the man's emotions coming at him in waves... he didn't like the feeling... it turned his skin into goose flesh and the hairs on the back of his neck rose. 

His reflexes were getting better; he nearly got out of the way of the fist came flying at his chest. Interesting, how easy it was to work Loch into a lather. He'd have to remember that. Vin got control of his own emotions again... put the blank stare back on his face. He didn't much feel like being Loch's target again. No matching anger and Loch's faded back to a simmer. Maybe would keep his fists from flying, too.

"I think we've had our fun for tonight, Vin," Loch said, rising to his feet. "We'll have plenty of time together. I've decided to keep you... like a bank draft. One that I can cash in at a time of my choosing, or to hold onto for as long as I'm amused. We have some distance to travel tomorrow, it's time for you to go to bed."

Loch rose to find Vin's pants then knelt by his legs to unshackle his feet. He drew back and punched Vin hard in the belly when Vin wouldn't stretch out his legs to get his pants on. He weren't no horse fighting the cinch, dammit! 

"Lie down on your back and spread your legs."

A foot came toward his head and Vin dropped to the ground. Loch grabbed his bare feet and stretched his legs wide, until there was no more give in the chain. 

"You move and I'll beat you until you wished you were dead," Loch called out casually as he strode to his pack. He pulled a mallet and some stakes out, then staked Vin's feet to the ground. "Arms above your head," Loch told him, but didn't give him time to do it himself, he yanked Vin's arms nearly out of the sockets, getting them from behind his back to over his head. He attached the ring of the shackles to the tree, admired his handiwork, then went to the fire pit.

"I think we're going to be together for quite awhile, young Mr. Tanner," Loch said as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "Hearing you beg will be the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my life, I imagine."

He'd die before he begged, that was for damn sure. Fine, Loch wanted to play with him some, at least that gave him time to figure out a way to get himself free. 

Vin settled in for the night, staked out to the ground. He tried to sleep, he knew he wouldn't get free, but sleep wouldn't come. His mind kept going round and round, trying to figure Loch out. Did he want to fuck him or not? Did he plan to kill him? Loch was right, he was afraid and that got his back up. It wasn't fear of a beating, or even dying, it was the not knowing that was getting to him. He spent the night trying to figure a way out of the mess he found himself in, but he was no closer to an answer when the sun began it's journey across the sky than he had been when he shut his eyes and tried to sleep.

He'd just have to take things as they came and take any opportunity he could find.


	3. Chapter Three

After breakfast, Loch saddled his own horse but didn't saddle Vin's. He was going to make him ride bareback, Vin guessed. He could handle that. Hell, his horse preferred it. They headed out of the hills and onto the trail that led to Comanche Springs. Vin knew the trail well, had traveled it many times. This area was what he liked to think of as home... even though he hadn't lived there since he roamed the hills with his grandfather the few years he was with him until the old man died. 

Half a day's ride and they were on the outskirts of Alpine. Before they went into the small town, Loch stared him down for a few minutes. Vin stared off into the hills, thinking about how easy it would be to disappear if he could just get away. Nothing but scrub brush around, and a few trees, but there were lots of arroyos and Old Mexico was less than a hundred miles away. A hundred miles of emptiness, where he could get lost. It was a nice thought... until Loch interrupted it.

"I'm going to leave you at the jail while I sell your saddle and guns. Since I won't be seeing a bounty from you for some time, I'll need money."

Vin bristled a little. How dare this bastard sell his things? Vin didn't watch as Loch rummaged through his things. Everything he had in the world was in his saddlebags... a piece of him would disappear with each of his belongings Loch sold. 

"If I thought anyone would buy that half-wild mustang you're riding, I'd sell it too. You could ride a mule... or walk. No one in their right mind would buy that indian pony, though he is a pretty little thing."

"Comanche would buy it. We could head to the nearest village and try."

"A sense of humor," Loch boomed out around his laughter, startling Vin. "Be a good boy at the jail, son. My friend the sheriff hates Indians with a passion. Comanche war party killed his wife and stole his daughter back before the war. He hates white men who think they're red even more."

Loch kicked his horse into a trot, leading them into town. Didn't look like much; Vin hadn't been to this town before. He avoided the towns in this area, not much there but miners and saloons. When he came home, he stuck to the countryside.

Loch pulled him from his horse in front of the jail and marched him inside. Old man was asleep behind the desk, but he woke up as soon as the door opened.

"I have a prisoner for you, sheriff," Loch called out, all friendly like.

"Well I'll be damned if it ain't LL hisself!" The sheriff greeted as soon as he saw Loch. "What brings you back to Alpine?" He studied Vin a minute before turning back to Loch. "That ain't for me, I never seen him before."

"Nope, this boy's going to hang, up in the Panhandle, soon as I turn him in. If you could keep him locked up for me, I'd appreciate it. Not sure if this one's a mixed blood Comanche or if he's just a white man living like a savage, but you know how these boys are. They'll slit your throat if you give them half a chance."

The sheriff studied Vin and Vin looked away. He hadn't been looked at like that since he was a youngster. Like he was nothing more than something needed to be killed. All the white folk and their Christian ways, treating a man like he had no right to share the earth cause he didn't believe what they did. Was men like that killed his grandpa. 

"Put him in irons afore you leave, Leroy, I'm not opening the door once you got 'em tucked in."

"Will do, Sam. I thank you for your hospitality. I'll be by to collect him in the morning," Loch said before taking the sheriff's hand. "You would do best to stay away from this one. I had to show him who was in charge a time or two already. This boy doesn't know when to quit. I'd hate for you to have to kill him. I'd have killed him outright myself, but it sure is a long trip up north, carrying a rotting body in this heat."

"Yeah, I don't suppose you'd want to tote rotting meat all the way up there, would 'ya? I'll make sure he's still breathing when you come to collect him. Lessen he gives me no choice."

"Well, that's all I ask, Sam. Can I bring you a bottle of whiskey for your troubles?"

"No, no, I'm happy to do my part, keeping a boy like that away from the decent people hereabouts. It's why I'm sheriff, Leroy. If I was still your age, I'd go out hunting the likes of him myself, and not for no bounty, neither!"

Vin stood quietly while they talked, trying not to listen to them. The old man didn't know what he was talking about and Loch was trying to goad him, he was sure of it. It couldn't be nothing personal, they didn't know him or who he was. He was staring out the window when he felt a hand clamp down onto his shoulder, leading him toward the cells. He didn't resist, he was looking forward to some quiet time to ponder the situation. He knew this area well. If he could just get away, Loch would never find him again.

Loch led him to the back of the cell where a ring was attached to the wall. The sheriff held a gun on him while Loch released his feet, then ran the chain through the ring, putting him back in the irons once he he had them attached to the walls. 

"Better if you put his hands behind him, Leroy, I don't want him getting up to mischief if I have to step out for awhile. And I don't have a deputy no more, so he'll be alone all night."

"Good idea, Sam." Loch flashed Vin an evil smile as he wrenched Vin's arms behind his back. "I'm going to go get us a little entertainment, Vin," Loch whispered in his ear. "I'll be back in the morning," he said, loud enough for the sheriff to hear, this time. "Sleep tight, boy."

Vin watched the two of them leave together. As soon as they were gone, he tested the chains, hoping the jail was old and the mortar crumbling. His luck kept running bad, though and it was solid stone. He wouldn't be going anywhere, that was for sure. He settled in and got comfortable. It wasn't even close to dark. If Loch wasn't coming back for him until morning, he had a long spell ahead of him in the cell. 

By morning, Vin's whole body was one great big cramp, his stomach was gnawing into his backbone and he'd worked up a powerful thirst. It was almost dawn when he woke, the pressure in his bladder that he could ignore the night before making him uncomfortable. He hoped they'd leave at first light; he didn't know how long he could make it without releasing the pressure.

The sheriff didn't arrive until well after the sun had risen over the mountains. Vin hadn't said a word since he'd been left at the jail, ignoring the man whenever he came to the cell and gave Vin the snake eye. He'd ranted about how the only good indian was a dead indian, telling stories of the Comanche wars. Most of what he ranted about took place long before Vin was born, hell, long before even Vin's ma was born. He turned his back on the sheriff best he could and closed his eyes. Least no one was punching on him for the time being.

Loch turned up well after the sheriff finished his breakfast and Vin was actually happy to see him. The pressure on his belly from his full bladder had passed the painful point and if Vin didn't relieve himself soon, he was going to burst something inside.

Loch whistled a happy tune as he made himself comfortable at the sheriff's table, pouring each of them a cup of coffee. "He behave himself?" Loch asked while Vin fought against the need to ask to visit the outhouse. 

"Not a sound out of him. By the looks of his face, you done beat all the fight from that boy."

"That's what I thought before he nearly scalped me yesterday!" Loch said around a laugh. "Don't let him trick you sheriff, he's a wiley one, all right."

"Ain't you leaving?"

"I need to get supplies, if that's all right with you? We're going to be on the trail for a few days and I'm running low on some comforts."

Vin couldn't hold his tongue any longer. "I need to go," he called out.

"We'll be leaving soon enough, Tanner," Loch said, turning that evil smile on him again. 

Damn, Loch knew right well what Vin needed. Looking into Loch's eyes, Vin understood Loch was playing a game with him, keeping him trussed up in that cell so long.

"I'll be back after lunch, Sam. Now you be careful with him... it would be best if you stay out of his reach... never know what tricks he might come up with."

Loch winked at Vin just as he went out the door and Vin knew for sure he was being toyed with. The sheriff settled into his chair for a mid-morning nap. 

"Sheriff?" Vin called when he couldn't take the pressure on his bladder for another minute. "Call of nature?" Vin asked, keeping his voice soft, even trying to speak in a higher tone than his voice normally came out.

"Do I look like I was born yesterday?" the sheriff answered without taking his hat from his eyes. "Leroy told me he took care of you this morning. You been fed, watered and walked so you can just keep your trap shut because that's more than you deserve. I lived in this territory my whole life. I seen enough of your kind that I ain't getting anywhere near you, boy."

Vin slumped back against the wall. It wouldn't do a blamed bit of good to argue with the old man. His mind was made up. Loch had been right about one thing; if Vin complained about Loch's intentions with him, the sheriff wouldn't believe him. He might even shoot him for even voicing such a thing out loud. 

Nearly three hours passed and still no sign of Loch. Vin's throat parched, his stomach rumbling, his arms and legs aching, he didn't know how much more he could take. The mid-day heat was stifling and his body was sweating out the water he couldn't afford to lose. He couldn't remember the last time he was this near tears... must have been about ten years before, at least. No one was there to see him, the sheriff had left with Loch for lunch a few minutes before. Neither man spared him a glance as they left.

He'd held out as long as he could, but right after Loch and the sheriff left for lunch, Vin couldn't help it. He pissed himself. He bit back the tears of humiliation that threatened to fall. It would only make things worse. He'd been locked in a cell for going on twenty-four hours, with no food, no water, no chance to take care of his needs, and chained to a wall with less than a foot of give in the chain. If Loch's goal was to break him, well, he'd gotten off to a good start.

Vin banged his head against the wall a few times, chanting "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" No one around to hear him, he started cursing up a storm, letting out all that'd been building inside him since Loch got ahold of him.

He got hold of himself, after a spell. He couldn't let Loch see how close he was to the edge. Not too long after Vin composed himself, Loch and the sheriff returned. Vin turned into the wall, curling in on himself best he could. He tilted his head so his hair hung over his face. He felt someone come to the bars of the cell, but he didn't look up.

"Hey, Leroy! Thought you said he was done watered and let out to piss? He pissed all over hisself and my cell!"

Loch laughed, then, and Vin shrunk further into the wall. He hadn't pissed his britches since he started wearing britches. 

"How was I to know the little savage has a bladder the size of a bean?" Banging on the cell bars and Loch shouted, "On your feet."

Vin didn't move. 

"Sheriff? Can you hold a gun to his head while I get him on his feet and stripped out of those clothes? I can't ride fifty miles trailing a man who smells like an outhouse."

"Sure thing, Leroy."

"Now don't you take any chances, he's not worth your life. He makes any kind of move toward you, you shoot him."

Vin didn't raise his head when Loch entered the cell and he didn't move when Loch tried to haul him to his feet. He didn't react when a hand came at his face, smacking him hard enough to sting. 

He let Loch haul him to his feet. The click of a hammer being drawn and he didn't need to look at the sheriff to know the old man held a gun pointed at his head. Vin kept his eyes closed and his head down.

"Do you have a bucket, Sam?"

"Sure do, it's out at the pump."

Loch bent down and released Vin's legs, making a big show of avoiding any of the urine staining Vin's trousers and puddled on the floor. "Strip," Loch ordered and Vin still didn't move. 

He felt his cheeks flush, but he couldn't help it. He was going numb, other than the heat in his cheeks, he could hardly hear or feel or see. He thought about struggling, thought about head-butting Loch and getting past the sheriff. His hands were still shackled behind his back,though, and he didn't think he'd get too far. He wasn't ready to get himself killed, just yet. Even though he'd never been more humiliated in his life, it wasn't a good enough reason to give up on living. He let his mind fill with ways he'd kill Loch, instead of thinking about what was going to happen in the next few minutes.

"I said, strip, Tanner," Loch said, right in his ear. 

Vin shook his head and rattled the chains binding his hands.

"Worthless waste of time. If you were worth less than five hundred dollars, I wouldn't be doing this," Loch huffed out. Vin knew it was a show for the sheriff's benefit and he knew Loch was enjoying every single second. 

Hands at his waist, undoing his buttons and Vin didn't fight them. It took all he had to not knee Loch in the groin. He was close enough Vin could do it, too. Bide your time, Vin reminded himself, for what felt like the thousandth time. You'll get a chance, he tried to convince himself. 

His pants pooled around his feet, Loch pulled him further away from the wall. "Step out of those," Loch ordered and Vin did it. Naked from the waist down, Vin tried to stand tall. 

"Hmph, guess this one is a half-breed," Loch said to the sheriff. "Not a very hairy fellow, is he?" Loch asked, laughing. 

"Kinda small, too, ain't he?" the sheriff said, laughing right along with Loch. "Skinny little thing. Leroy, you must be getting old if you can't control such a scrawny excuse for a man. You sure he's old enough to hang?"

"Don't let the hairless balls and that pretty, innocent-looking face fool you, Sam, this boy's a murderer through and through. Don't forget that while you're watching him."

"I don't intend to."

Loch left to go fetch the water. Vin felt all kinds the fool, standing there with his parts hanging out, just his shirt on, rucked up under the chain, his hands chained behind his back. He felt himself blush again and tried to hide his face. That lump was back in his throat, too. 

"You must have a deep well, Sam, this water's mighty cold," Loch called out as he took his time coming back into the cell, carrying two buckets of water. "Think he'll look even smaller once he's doused?"

The toothless sheriff started cackling again and Vin tried not to cringe. His whole body felt flushed and he shut his eyes and braced himself. Both men laughed at him, Loch laughing from deep in his belly and the sheriff cackling like some old crone. 

Water, ice cold, thrown into his groin, pouring down his legs and Vin couldn't help flinching. He sucked in a deep breath, tried not to make a sound.

"His huevos gonna crawl right back up, you dump more 'a that water on him, Leroy."

Vin opened his eyes, he wanted to know when that next bucket of water was gonna hit him. Loch must have been waiting for him to open his eyes, because he was staring right at him, eyes dark, mouth open a little. He looked downright pleased with himself. Loch, with his back to the sheriff, didn't try to hide his erection from Vin. Made Vin's stomach knot up. He shut his eyes and straightened his back. He was done cringing like some mangy dog.

He pictured Loch the way he would look the last time Vin planned on laying eyes on him. He'd have a necklace made of his own entrails and Vin would cut off that dick and shove it down his throat. Sheriff's cackles got louder and Vin pictured him trying to laugh with Vin's piss-soaked buckskins shoved down his throat.

"Even though it pissed all over my jail, Leroy, this is the most fun I had in ages. You got that boy clean yet?"

"Clean enough. Hey, Sam?" Loch turned away from Vin, Vin's buckskins hanging off his fingers by the waist. "Can you run these under the pump for me. If they're not rinsed, he's going to stink in the heat."

"Waste of time cleaning him up, he's just gonna be a dirty indian lover even if he's clean."

"I'm thinking about the discomfort I'll feel riding with him, him stinking like that."

"You got a point there, Leroy," Sam said as he disappeared through the jail-house doors.

Once the sheriff was gone, Loch wasted no time invading Vin's space, close enough to rub his cock against Vin's bare backside. He whispered in Vin's ear, his breath hot across Vin's neck and ears. "To get someone to act the way you want them to, all you have to do is find out what makes them who they are. Remember this lesson, Vin, it's an important one. I can teach you all sorts of things..."

Loch reached down and rubbed his hand across Vin's groin, pulling him back against his stiff cock.

Yup, Vin decided, Loch would look right nice with his entrails strangling him.

"You're going to ride for the rest of the day bareback wearing your wet Buckskins. You have beautiful skin, Vin... but it won't be so soft by the end of the day. Next time you piss yourself, you'll be riding bare-assed through the middle of town, understand?"

Vin didn't respond to the threat, just kept his head forward and his eyes closed. 

"Answer me," Loch hissed, tightening his grip on Vin's balls. 

Vin gave a short nod and Loch let him go, but not before rubbing his cock between Vin's cheeks. 

"Old Sam's no different than most men, Tanner. You might want to keep that in mind next town we go through." Loch slammed the cell door behind him, leaving Vin standing there half naked. 

He held himself together while the sheriff and Loch joked some more, once the sheriff returned with his buckskins. He nearly asked for them; he wanted to cover up, not stand there naked while they laughed at him. A few minutes turned into ten and then fifteen as the men socialized and shared a drink. 

"I'd better get on the trail, Sam, if I want to make Comanche Springs by tomorrow night. Can I pay you for your trouble?"

"No, no, that's all right, LL. Since the quicksilver ran out down at the Double D, it's been too quiet around here."

Loch opened the cell door, but Vin kept his eyes closed. 

"Out of there, let's go," Loch called out, still putting on a show for the sheriff.

Vin wasn't sure what he should do. His head was all turned around. Did Loch want him to fight, did he want him to act like a slave, did he not care which way Vin acted? Vin did nothing, not sure of much in the world right now.

He opened his eyes to Loch staring at him, studying him, eyes tracking up and down his body, lingering on his groin. 

"I said out of there, Tanner!" Loch yelled and Vin's eyes went to the sheriff. The old man was watching intently, mouth open, smiling a little. He was waiting for another show.

"I need your help, Sam, if you will," Loch called out. "I don't want to bring a gun in there with me, will you keep him covered?"

Loch made a big to-do about turning over his gun to the sheriff before he made a move into the cell. Vin tried to stand his ground, not back away toward the wall. He fought his instincts and stayed where he was.

"Game's over, Vin," Loch whispered, back to using that honey-toned voice again. "We have an appointment to keep. If you don't get dressed and follow me out of this cell, I'm going to drag you out of here by the hair and you're going to ride out of here with your dick swaying in the wind. Comprende?" 

Vin gave a tight nod and when Loch held out his pants, Vin stepped into them. He let the man dress him, got a real intimate feel for his troubles, and followed him out of the cell without so much's a peep. It seemed to him he needed to make a decision every second Loch's attention was on him... and he felt like he'd been making the wrong decisions all along. 

He didn't want to give the bastard what he wanted, but Vin couldn't tell if he wanted obedience or defiance. Maybe Loch didn't know either, and that scared Vin.

They were mounted up and on their way quickly, Vin fighting to keep his seat riding bareback, his arms trussed behind him. Least on the way into town, he'd been cuffed in front. Hell, it was going to be a long ride. He'd have to concentrate on staying on his horse, using all his muscles and balance to keep his seat. He'd be wore out before they went ten miles. Vin could stay on a horse in his sleep, most times... but this was different than most times. 

They rode into early evening, not stopping for any kind of break at all. They traveled slow, Loch not pushing his horse, and for that, Vin was grateful. When they reached the fork in the road that led to Comanche Springs, Loch pulled up. He studied the trail for a awhile, not talking to Vin.

They took the west fork instead of the north fork but Vin didn't ask any questions. He didn't know if Loch knew anything about his background and he planned to keep it to himself that he knew this area so well.

"You've been quiet, Vin," Loch said, once they were on the narrow trail. Loch pulled Vin's horse abreast of his own, close enough to touch if they wanted to. "I think we should get to know one another better, since we're going to be together so much."

The man had a real self-satisfied air to him, Vin was learning. He thought he was smarter than other people, too. Vin'd met men like him before, both red and white. It didn't do any good to talk to them, since all they wanted to do was hear the sound of their own voice, anyways.

Vin kept his eyes forward, watching the trail ahead so he could anticipate his horse's movement.

"I've been hunting bounties for about ten years, now, since I was about your age. I was born to hunt men and I'm good at it. But I've been hunting long before I started taking in bounties."

Loch went silent, probably expected some kind of question out of Vin.

"I used to hunt runaway slaves back in Georgia. No one cared much what I did with them once I caught them. If they were valuable, their masters would want them back breathing, but I could break them on the inside as much as I wanted."

They rode a ways in silence, then, but Vin could tell Loch was itching to tell more of his story. Vin didn't want to hear it, didn't want to know the ways Loch went about breaking men.

"After the war, when I moved out west, I had to keep hunting. But there wasn't anyone to hunt, besides Indians that is. So I started hunting women. Had a good time, too, until I grew wise to some facts."

Another lull in the story and Vin really didn't want to hear more.

"It's best to hunt people other people don't give a damn about. and let me tell you, Vin," Loch clapped him on the back hard, letting out a laugh like what he was saying was funny. "People care when respectable women and girls go missing. They care even more if they find them carved up and fucked, too. The posse forms faster than you can blink!"

They covered a few more miles in silence, Loch chuckling to himself every so often. Finally, as it grew too dark to see, Loch stopped and dismounted, leaving Vin on his horse as he made camp. Vin thought about making a break for it, then. He could kick his horse into a gallup and be gone before Loch knew what happened. But something about Loch's tone when he'd talked of hunting made Vin stretch his patience as far as he could. 

Finally, dinner on the fire, Loch stopped making camp. He wandered over to lean against a rock, watching Vin. A few minutes later, he let out a sigh. "You can come into camp, son," he called into the darkness.

Vin twisted around to see who Loch was talking to, nearly kicking himself for not knowing there was another person out there.

A few minutes later and a boy scrambled down the hillside.

"I see you made it, Michael. Come, have some coffee," Loch said as the boy came into camp. "I suppose I was a little overly cautious, having you wait out there like that. But if you want to learn to hunt bounties. If you want to become my partner, you'll learn soon enough that it pays to be cautious."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Loch," the boy said as he took a cup of coffee from Loch.

Vin studied the kid a minute, trying to figure out this new twist. When Loch said appointment, could he have meant this boy? The kid looked to be about fourteen or fifteen, definitely too young to shave. He was tall and thin, as many boys his age tended to be. 

"Do you think you can get our bounty down from that horse, Michael?" Loch asked once the boy finished his coffee.

"Oh yes, sir!"

"Good, good, you'll make a fine bounty hunter one day. I recognized your potential the moment we met. A boy like you doesn't belong dusting down shelves in his daddy's store for the rest of his life."

The boy positively glowed with pleasure from Loch's praise and Vin's instincts went on alert. He had no idea what Loch had planned for the kid, the only thing he was sure of was that it weren't taking him on as a partner.

"Now you be careful, you hear? That man is evil to the core, pure evil."

The kid approached him cautiously and Vin watched Loch instead of the boy. Talk about pure evil, the look on Loch's face made him think of ghost stories and evil spirits. Vin let the kid get him down from his horse, almost losing his balance and taking the two of them to the ground. He managed to find his feet, then let the kid shackle him to a tree.

"I told you he's slippery, son. The most dangerous part of this line of work is after you catch them, before you turn them in. If you're not careful, you'll be thinking about the money you plan to collect and not paying close enough attention to your prisoner.

"What did he do? He don't look all that scary," the boy said, standing brave in front of the shackled Vin. 

"He's a murderer son, and don't let that fact slip your mind. Now come on over by the fire and have some dinner." Loch finished cooking his dinner and handed the boy a plate, motioning for him to have a seat.

"Did you leave a note for your ma, like I told you?"

Once he was settled and started in on his food, Michael told Loch, "Sure did. Just like you said, I wrote out that I'se going to see the world. I said I was sick of schoolin and chores and I ain't no little boy anymore. I wrote that I was headed to California, just like you said."

"Good, good. Don't worry about them son, boys run off all the time, looking for adventure. Why I bet your pa did the same thing when he was a boy."

"I don't think so, Mr. Loch, my pa's an old stick in the mud. Hell, he won't even let me have a gun until I'm sixteen."

"I'll teach you to shoot, Michael. You'll need to know how to handle a gun, if you're to take up bounty hunting."

Vin watched them eat, his stomach rumbling as he caught scent of the food each time the wind shifted. He needed a drink and he needed to take a piss. "You going to feed me?" Vin called out. "And I ain't had a drink since this morning."

"When we're finished, we'll see to your needs, Tanner. It's more than you deserve, a no-account back-shooter like you."

"I ain't no back-shooter, Loch, and you know it. I don't know what you got planned for that boy, but the kid better watch his back around you."

"Michael, this is a good time for a lesson for you. You're going to hear a lot of stories from the men you bring in. Each and every one will try to convince you he's a good, Christian man and innocent as the day he was born. You have to harden yourself to their stories because they're wanted by the law and the law doesn't go after innocent men, does it?"

"No sir, I reckon it don't."

"Good, good. Now I want you to go help our prisoner with his needs. As the junior partner, you get all the dirty jobs." Loch laughed and clapped the boy on the back, handing him the keys to the shackles.

He approached Vin cautiously, trying to hide the fear, but Vin could tell the boy was afraid. Afraid of him when he should be afraid of the man watching him with a big, self-satisfied smile on his face.

"Be careful son, Tanner's wanted dead or alive and that will make a man desperate."

The boy unlocked Vin's hands and Vin stood and stretched, the boy jumping back as soon as Vin moved. Hell, he weren't going to hurt him. Stupid kid. Vin remembered being that stupid, searching for praise from men he looked up to. He'd believe anything they said and do anything to impress them. A boy of fifteen or so just weren't all that smart to the ways of the world yet.

Vin stamped his feet a few times, trying to get his blood flowing again. He ached from head to toe, his entire body one giant cramp. 

"Michael, you have a seat and enjoy another cup of coffee. I'm going to take Vin for a walk before we tie him up for the night. Now you tend that fire and see to the horses. When I return, I'll share some of my adventures with you."

Vin watched as Loch approached him, he could make a break for it right now, Loch didn't have his gun out and the boy wouldn't be a problem. Vin shifted his weight onto the balls of his feet, getting ready to start sprinting, but Loch must have been planning for a move from Vin, he drew his gun faster than Vin'd ever seen a man do before.

"Look at him, boy, he was about to jackrabbit. He probably would have killed us before he went. Let's go, Tanner. You make another move and I'll let you piss your pants again and since we aren't going near any towns, you'd just have to sit in your own stink."

Vin stepped out in the direction Loch indicated, reveling in the freedom from the shackles. He didn't think about why Loch took him away from camp... didn't worry just what the man had in mind. He couldn't.

Once out of hearing range of the camp, Loch motioned with this gun. "That's far enough. Drop your drawers and do your business. You haven't had a movement in two days and I want you clean for when I fuck you."

Vin's head shot up... he stared into Loch's eyes, trying to figure out if he really meant that. He sure did. Weren't no way Vin was going to do his business in front of an audience. 

"You ever been around a horse got stopped up, Vin?"

Vin nodded.

"You know the cure for it?"

Vin nodded again... he knew all right.

"You don't have a movement and I'll shove a Lucifer up your ass. Or maybe I'll make the boy do it. He's an eager little beaver isn't he?"

Vin stood stock still... thinking about bolting again. 

"You know the part I love the most, when I take in a boy like him?"

Vin stared at Loch, mesmerized, unable to respond, his mind not able to process Loch's shifts from friendly to menacing in the blink of an eye.

"I'll tell you what I love, Vin. And that's the moment they realize they've gotten themselves into a world of trouble. The fear that comes into their eyes then... I could take in a thousand boys and I'd never, ever grow tired of seeing that look." Loch sighed and leaned against a tree. "If you don't take off your pants, I'll do it for you," Loch said, all casual-like.

Vin started to hate himself, but he did it. He turned his back and took the piss he'd been dying to take, but didn't make a move to take care of other business. "If'n you remember, Leroy," Vin said, stretching the name out like a curse, "you ain't fed me enough to keep a mouse alive. I'm done."

"Ah, Vin. You amuse me so," Loch said, sighing again. "Do you know what I like best about men like you? Besides the money on their heads, that is?"

"No, but I reckon you're near dying to tell me," Vin said, sneering.

"I only go after men who meet my needs. I spend a lot of time looking at posters, trying to find the perfect specimen. There are many factors to take into account before I pick my prey. I'll let you figure those factors out for yourself. But the thing I like the most about the men I hunt for money is their hardness. The boys... well, their innocence is what I like most. But the men who are murderers, bank-robbers, rapists? When they realize they aren't as strong as they think they are? That's the moment I cherish." Loch got that look in his eye again, the one that meant he was working himself into a lather and Vin could see the bulge growing at Loch's groin. 

He wouldn't try to fuck him with the kid right there. He wouldn't, right?

"You have five minutes to do your business. After that, I'm getting the Lucifers and I'll match you in front of the boy. I'd imagine he doesn't know the power of sulfur, since he's a city boy."

Vin tried to get a read on Loch, tried to figure out if he was serious. Always confident in his ability to read people, before, Vin was losing his confidence. Would Loch really try to use sulfur on him like a constipated horse? He couldn't do what Loch wanted him to. He felt his cheeks go red, just thinking about squatting down and taking care of his personal needs with Loch standing there watching him. He couldn't do it. 

"Take off you shirt," Loch said, motioning with his gun.

"Why?" Vin spat out, embarrassment making him defiant.

"Because I told you to, stupid."

Vin watched Loch, unable to take his eyes away from the man... and the still growing bulge at his groin. 

"Michael?" Loch yelled out, toward camp, not taking his eyes from Vin's. "I need some help, son. Bring my Lucifers with you, they're sitting on the flat rock to the right of the fire."

Vin folded his arms across his chest, hoping his shirttail covered him. He'd had enough, he wouldn't let Loch humiliate him again.

"This is going to be enjoyable," Loch said as they waited for Michael. "I think our boy might squirm just as much as you are right now." 

Loch started laughing and Vin tried to ignore him. He was waiting for his chance, he could put up with anything until then. All he had to do was keep reminding himself. 

"Here you go, Mr. Loch," Michael said as he trotted into the clearing. 

"Thank you, young man," Loch answered, turning his charm onto the boy. 

If Vin hadn't already seen the real Leroy Loch, he would have been charmed by him, too. He couldn't fault a boy for trying to be a man. Specially since Loch was probably the first adult who treated him as such. It was all a game, Vin knew, but the kid didn't. 

"Vin?" Loch asked, locking eyes with him again. 

Vin looked away; he couldn't do what Loch wanted. He might be able to put up with a lot of things, but a man's pride had to draw a line, somewhere.

Vin felt Loch move toward him and he stiffened, he'd be ready for a move and he'd take the bastard down. Vin could snap a man's arm bone at the wrist, like it was nothing. Even a big man like Loch. All it took was the knowing of where to put the pressure. He flexed his hands, ready for him. It wasn't the moment he'd been waiting for, especially with his dick hanging in the wind, but he wasn't livestock and he was sick of being treated as such. He might not get another chance, with both his arms and legs unshackled like they were.

"Hold onto my gun, boy. I don't want to chance him getting hold of it. If he kills me, you shoot him and take him on up to Tascosa. Use some of the five hundred dollars to buy me a nice grave marker and I'd appreciate it."

"Yes.. yes sir," the kid said, stammering, as he took the gun.

Loch took his time, making his move. Drawing things out for the boy's sake. And his own. Vin tensed, ready for the fight he knew was coming. Maybe if he could get the kid to see Loch's real nature, he'd have an ally.

Vin glanced at the boy, holding the gun. Kid probably couldn't even shoot the thing so all Vin had to do was get past Loch.

Vin crouched low, centering himself, he couldn't lose his footing... Vin waited for Loch to make the first move. It came sooner than he was expecting, but he was ready. The big man made a move for Vin's face and he dodged it, hitting him from the side as he dodged. He kicked out, aiming for Loch's groin, but he was too quick on his feet and Vin hit him mid thigh. He dodged in and out, using his smaller size to his advantage, inflicting short stabbing blows when he could get close enough. It felt like hitting a damned tree. For a fancy man, the guy sure had a lot of muscle.

Loch made a grab for him and Vin slipped free, ducking another blow aimed at his head. He breathed hard through his nose, he was wearing himself out, trying to stay out of the reach of Loch's arms and fists. It went on and on, it seemed like, but Vin couldn't get a hold on Loch, couldn't get close enough to do any real damage to him. It hit him then, Loch was toying with him. It was a stupid mistake... one overconfident men made and that gave Vin the edge.

Vin managed to kick Loch in his side and then pop him in the face. Blood spurted from his nose and Vin felt like he might have the upper hand. Until Loch came at him again, no longer toying with him. Hard blows to his head and stomach sent Vin reeling. A sharp jab in his lower back and Vin couldn't help crying out. Damn, that smarted. 

Loch grabbed him by the hair, flinging him into a tree and Vin thought he heard a crack... felt like he might have cracked some ribs, too. He staggered to his feet, still reeling and that's when he knew it was over. The bounty hunter was on him before he could even get up a hand to defend himself... he dropped to the ground, curling in on himself, protecting his vitals as best he could. Things were about to get ugly, he knew. 

Kicks, punches... it went on forever, seemed like, to Vin. Loch hit him mostly on his back, adding a kick to his thighs before he stopped. Vn could hear him breathing above him, could feel him pacing.

"You done, Tanner?" Loch yelled. 

Vin flinched, he couldn't help it when he felt a boot coming at him. Got him right in the kidney again and Vin nearly couldn't hold his tongue. Loch hauled him to his feet by his hair but Vin could barely stand. He couldn't see for all the blood running into his face from a stinging cut over his left eye.

Vin cursed himself six ways to Sunday for trying to fight a man while his damned britches were hangin' around his thighs. He'd let his damned pride goad him into taking his chance at the wrong time. If he'd learned anything by now, it shoulda been that Loch wouldn't have casually given him the opportunity of a fight if there was even the slightest chance Vin could win.

As it was, he now found his arms getting shackled over his head again, to the tree above his head. Hell, they weren't even back at camp. This was the tree on the side of the clearing. It crossed Vin's mind that Loch intended to leave him here for the night, where any number of critters could get to him without the usual activity of camp to make them more cautious.

He felt Loch and the boy tugging at his legs then, and figured maybe they'd at least allow him the decency of having his britches up. But no... They were tugging his legs into the air. What the hell?

Vin didn't have enough strength to do more than squirm as both of his legs were drawn upward and somehow tied to the shackle at his wrists. Vin cracked an eye open, blinked to clear away the sweat and blood, and saw a rope around his bunched-up buckskins that led to the wrist shackles. Hell-fire, they'd trussed him up bare-assed! Vin's cheeks burned anew. 

Hands groped his ass cheeks and Vin squirmed harder. "What the hell," he growled.

"I warned you, Tanner. Do your business without any tricks, or I'd make sure you couldn't pull another one again. From now on, you won't have the excuse of having to take a shit in the middle of the night to try to escape, and your little nature walks will include pissing only."

Vin felt it, then, rough probing at his anus, and he realized he was actually being matched. Vin's eyes filled up, stinging as he reflexively clamped down against the object invading him where it had no business. Didn't help, though, and the damn thing got shoved inside him anyway.

Breathing harsh, Vin growled any and every obscenity that came to mind. Over his own thundering heartbeat and swearing, he heard Loch laughing at him.

"See, Michael? That savage language doesn't seem nearly as fearsome when your prisoner's privates are on display."

Frustration, fury and defeat all fought inside of Vin as his bowels began to rumble dangerously, the sulphur doing its job on him. Vin tried to hold it, he tried hard, clenching down, telling himself he'd get through this and make a trophy of Loch's balls for his trouble.

But he couldn't do it. His bowels roared inside him then released, and Vin groaned through the discomfort, knowing that two pairs of eyes watched the whole thing.

"There we go. Didn't take long, did it? Here, Michael. Use this to wipe him clean, or we'll have to live with his stench."

Vin gulped for breath, his belly still tumbling and turning. Blood, tears-- Vin didn't know or care-- trickled down his face. He flinched at the feel of a wet cloth wiping over his ass, and somehow managed to get his eyes opened. He tried to glare at the dumb kid touching him as no man had a right to, but from the look of disgusted sympathy on the kid's face, Vin knew his own expression had only managed to be pathetic.

Loch must've seen the trace of sympathy on the kid's face, too. "Careful, Michael. Even a rabid dog can inspire pity, but it doesn't make the dog less dangerous. This is likely the most unpleasant task for a bounty hunter, but it's one that can save your life, so learn it well."

"Yes, sir," the boy said, diverting his eyes and kicking dirt over the mess Vin'd made, as Loch asked him to.

As Vin's legs were lowered at last and his britches pulled up, Vin felt his glare harden. Stupid kid was one thing, but this...

At that moment, Vin decided the ignorant whelp deserved everything he was gonna get. Led back to camp, Vin forced himself to imagine the things he was gonna to do to Loch. He had to think of those things, hard, or he'd break.  
>


	4. Chapter Four

**********

Vin hadn't slept a wink all night. He'd couldn't relax, trussed up like he was, completely unable to protect himself from anything anyone, man or critter, chose to do to him. Listening to Loch and the boy swap life stories all night had Vin all kinds of mad. Loch told the boy lie after lie and the kid ate it up like it was candy. 

The kid's story made him even madder. Boy had a ma and pa who loved him, six brothers and sisters and a good future ahead of him. And he'd thrown it all away on the word of some shyster with a pretty way of talking. Got Vin's back up thinking on all that boy threw away. Stupid kid.

Vin tried not to move, tried not to wake up the pain that had finally quieted down. Took every bit of strength he had to will that pain away, specially the ache around his spine. His back always acted up, anyways, without the help of kicks and punches from a crazy man. Oh, Loch could look and sound sane enough, but Vin was convinced the man was totally mad. It was the look in the man's eye, each and every time he tried to ground Vin's spirit into the ground, that convinced him. It was like looking into evil, like them Christian preachers used to tell him. Said they saw that evil in him and was gonna beat it out of him, for his own good. Them preachers must not have ever met a man like Loch if'n they thought ten year old Vin Tanner was evil, that's for damn sure.

Vin listened to the sounds of the world waking up around him. Loch didn't even bother keeping watch, VIn all trussed up like he was and hurting too bad to really move, to boot. Vin tuned out the sound as Loch and the boy woke and made breakfast. He wouldn't look at them in the light of day, he couldn't. He knew his face flamed bright red every time Loch looked at him, smiling. So Vin quit even trying to look anywhere but behind his own eyelids.

He felt Loch near him before he heard him but Vin didn't open his eyes. His feet let loose, he still didn't move. Next his hands and Vin lay there, waiting for what would come next. A hand on his upper arm, hauling him to his feet and Vin bit his lip to keep from groaning. Lord, he hurt. Every single piece of him hurt.

"You need help taking care of business?" Loch asked him, sounding all too happy to oblige.

Vin shook his head, keeping his eyes shut tight.

"I'm going to let you loose, you make one wrong move and I'll whip your backside raw, and I'll let the kid watch. You understand?"

Vin nodded.

"Go sit by the fire," Loch said, all friendly again and Vin did it. He hated himself for it, but he did it. He kept his head down, tried to look beaten. He was nearly there, so it wasn't all that hard to pretend.

"We're going to start heading north today, Michael," Loch said as he handed Vin a tin of beans and a cup of water. "It's more than three hundred miles to Tascosa so it's going to be a long ride, but turning him in and watching him swing will be worth it, right?"

"Oh yes sir," Michael agreed.

"You can ride Tanner's horse, he's going to walk. He's still got some fight left in him and he'll do anything to avoid hanging."

Vin ate his meal slow as he could. He didn't think his stomach could take the food, but he had hardly eaten in almost three days. He couldn't fight if he was weak from hunger. He kept his eyes averted whenever either of the others looked at him or spoke to him. His mind kept flashing back to being trussed to that tree, not able to do a damn thing to stop what was being done to him. Nearly made him want to fade away into nothing each time his mind went there.

Soon enough, they were on the trail, Vin's arms shackled in front of him, his feet free, a rope tied to his bound hands, leading to his horse. Kid had a hell of a time riding bareback, but there weren't no saddle for Vin's horse since Loch sold it back in Alpine. Vin couldn't bring himself to feel sorry for the boy though.

Vin didn't know how much longer he could keep walking. Luckily, they moved slow, taking their time, letting the horses pick their own way through the desert. They traveled cross country, leaving the well worn trail just miles from their camp the night before. Vin had a bad feeling... knew something was coming, but completely unable to do anything about it. 

They traveled miles into the middle of nowhere, onto land that had once been home to the Comanche. Hardly any Comanche were left... but some renegades roamed the area. Vin daydreamed of running into some of them renegades, pictured what they'd do to Loch if only they'd come across them.

Lunch just water for Vin, his stomach rumbled, complaining of being empty as Loch and the boy ate roasted rabbit. Back on the trail again in less than an hour and Vin wished he had a hat to keep the sun off his face. His own hat hung from Loch's saddle, Vin staring at it as he sweated in the heat of mid-day.

Early afternoon and Vin spotted some cottonwoods in the distance. Spring in the middle of nowhere, they were everywhere in this seemingly barren desert. If a man knew where they were. This was Jackrabbit Springs, if Vin had his bearings right. No settlements, white or red for at least twenty miles in any direction. A good place for a camp and Vin prayed to every god he'd ever been told about that they'd be making camp.

Vin stumbled to a stop when the horses stopped, he couldn't hardly believe he wasn't moving any more. He fell to the ground when he was sure they really were going to stop. He didn't think he could get back on his feet, if they kept going, so he waited to be sure they were really stopping before he let himself fall.

He wanted to sleep for years, but hands on his upper arms dragged him back to his feet. He was dusty, sweaty, hot, thirsty, in pain and ready to shatter into a million pieces. He swayed on his feet, waiting to be told what to do. If'n he did what he was told, maybe he'd be allowed some water and some rest.

Loch released his hands and Vin let them drop to his sides, too tired to even worry about rubbing his sore wrists.

"Look at 'em, boy, see how all the fight has been sucked out of him? If you have a prisoner who gets difficult, making him walk twenty miles behind his horse will take the spunk right out of him."

"I'm near as tired as he looks, Mr. Loch," Michael sighed out.

"You'll get used to it, son. Before long, you'll be as big as me. I've got another lesson for you. We're out here in the middle of nowhere, not another human for twenty miles, at least. Tanner might still think he has a chance to escape. Now you can't do this in town or on the trail because you might shock some poor innocent traveler. But out here, with not another living soul within a day's ride, it's a good way to make sure he doesn't run away, taking your five hundred dollars with him."

Vin tried not to listen; he didn't want to hear any more. He'd do what Loch wanted, just to be left alone.

"Strip your clothes off, Tanner. Down to the skin. You want to escape into the desert, you won't last a day."

Loch turned to the kid while Vin stripped down. 

"If you're somewhere you can't strip them, at least take their boots. Man can't travel on foot with nothing to protect his feet. Stripping them down to the skin works best, though." Loch held out the shackles to the boy. "Here, truss him up good. Hands in front and then chained to his feet. Lay him on his side. Once we take care of the horses and get some food in our bellies, we'll see he gets food and water. Remember, if he dies or if we have to kill him, we'd have to tote his body all the way to Tascosa just to see a dime of our money. Dragging a hundred and fifty pounds of rotting meat for a week in this heat won't be any kind of fun. And I want the law in Tascosa to recognize him. If he's rotting away, that won't happen."

Vin tuned out the kid's answer. Seemed like Loch called Vin 'rotting meat' every chance he got. Vin didn't care what came out of Loch's mouth anymore. Nothing the man said could rile him, he didn't think. 

"Get in the shade of the cottonwood, Tanner," Loch motioned. "MIchael, you be careful near him. Animals are most dangerous when they're cornered."

Vin made himself walk the twenty yards or so to the trees ringed around the springs, knowing it would be cool and comfortable in the shade. Sounded like heaven to him. He laid down, not even paying attention as the kid locked him up but good. Vin must have fallen asleep, because next thing he knew, the sun was starting to set and Loch and the kid were sipping from a bottle of rotgut. 

Good, drunk men made stupid mistakes. Vin would run off into the desert naked. He'd survive; he had no doubt. He must have shifted, giving away he was awake because Loch threw a canteen in reach of his bound hands. He'd have to twist to get it, then contort into a ball to get it to his mouth, the way his hands were trussed to his feet, but that water would be so sweet about now, Vin knew.

He lay there, his thirst taken care of, his aches on top of aches letting themselves be known again. He concentrated on willing away the pain, on willing away the voices carrying across the camp to him.

Loch's voice rose and Vin tried not to listen. He had a feeling Loch wanted him to hear whatever it was he was gonna say. Maybe was just waiting for him to wake to say it.

"Have you ever fucked a girl, Michael?" Loch asked the kid.

"Uhmm... uh.. n-n-no sir," the kid stammered and Vin could hear in his voice the boy was drunk. Probably never had anything stronger than a beer in his young life.

"Not yet? When I was your age, it was all I could think about. It was different for me though, my family had a whole plantation full of slaves that I could fuck when ever I felt like it. Your pecker probably has a mind of it's own, doesn't it? I remember those days... seemed the little fellow came to attention whenever he felt like it, no matter what the rest of me happened to be doing. It didn't even respect church." Loch started laughing, like he was sharing a joke with the boy and Vin got a sick feeling in his stomach. 

Michael gave a nervous laugh and swallowed some more whiskey, his cheeks going dusky red. Vin watched the boy try to hide his face behind a curtain of shining blond hair then turned his eyes on Loch--- who was staring back at Vin, eyes dark and full of mischief.

"You know how it works, Michael?"

"Sure, I seen the barn cats and the town dogs doin' it, I ain't a baby."

"No, no, you're not a baby, you're a fine-looking young man. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Michael. You want to hear it?"

"Sure," the kid said, trying to be casual, trying to be more worldly than he was.

Loch stared him in the eye, then, and Vin tried to look away, but he couldn't. Loch's voice got soft, like he was sharing a big secret. "You can fuck men, if there aren't any women around. They got a hole you can get your dick into and if you grease it up good, then it isn't too different than if you fuck a whore. They feel a lot better around your pecker than some old worn out whore does, too."

"That ain't right!" the kid shouted, his face beat red, now. "That's wrong... you'll go to hell for that, Mister!" Michael stumbled to his feet, staggering drunk, too drunk to try to make Loch think he was any kind of worldly any more. 

Figures little Christian boy like that would think the part about men having relations was what was sick, and not Loch's fucking a person had no choice in the matter. Vin shrank into himself, willing Loch to forget he was there, too. Vin shifted his eyes away from the kid and onto Loch; he kept still, breathing shallow and soft. Loch's eyes had that look to them again and Vin was awfully grateful he wasn't the one who put it there, this time.

"Disgusting, is it?" Loch asked, his voice soft and lilting. "How would you know, you've never had your dick anywhere but your own hand? Fucking a man when he doesn't want to be fucked... it takes a man to do that. Anyone can fuck a woman; they break in half if you breathe on them too hard. Take Tanner over there," and Loch did turn to Vin.

Vin shut his eyes, leaving them open only enough to see movement; he really didn't want Loch turning his temper his way.

"Do you think if I let him loose and said to the two of you - the first one to fuck the other gets to live and go his own way and the other stays with me-- do you think you'd have any chance of being the one leaving camp?"

He wouldn't do that? Would he? Vin didn't think he could either fuck the kid or let him fuck him, if that was any part of Loch's plan. He tried to move backward, casually, into the lengthening shadows cast by the trees. He wanted no part of Loch's game; he decided then and there he wouldn't be any party to it. And if that meant laying there like a felled-over tree, well, that's what it meant. Kid got his own self into this mess and it wasn't Vin's responsibility to watch over him. Especially not since he'd been a party to Vin's earlier humiliation, willingly or just cause he was too weak to put up a stink.

"Of course you're not a man, yet, Michael," Loch sneered in the boy's direction. "You're only a little boy pretending he's old enough to leave his mother's apron strings. Don't worry, I know just the way to make a man out of you. If you live, well then, I'll know you're man enough to be my partner."

"Wh.wha..what do you mean?"

"Come over here, son," Loch called out. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Vin wanted to laugh, not the laugh of someone thinks something is funny, but the laugh of a man couldn't take much more. He closed his eyes the rest of the way, not sure he wanted to see anything Loch was about to get up to. 

But he wouldn't get a moment's peace, he realized within seconds. Loch stalked over to him and pulled him upright by the hair. 

"That moment that I told you about when we had our nice chat? Its time is here and I want you to see it. Watch his eyes, Vin, and I might have enough fun from your reaction that I won't kill him when I'm through with him."

"I don't care what you do to him. Kid don't mean nothing to me, Le-Roy," Vin ground out, clenching his jaws tight to fight the pain radiating throughout his body.

"You say that now, Vin, you say that now," Loch almost sang in Vin's ear before he propped him up against the tree. 

The rough bark scratched against Vin's naked back, just adding to his growing list of hurts.

"Boy! Come over here," Loch yelled.

The kid moved slowly away, finally aware Loch might not be the man he thought he was.

Before Vin could even blink, Loch drew his pistol and pointed it at Michael's head, drawing back the hammer, his smile widening as he cocked his gun. "I don't need you, Michael, I have Vin, here, to amuse me. Come on over here while I teach you some things you need to know, then if you still want to leave, you'll be free to go."

"No, I won't," the kid shook his head for good measure. "I wanna go home," he said, softer.

"It's that way," Loch waved his gun over his shoulder. "But I'm not through with you yet. You can go home tomorrow, if you still want to. Now come over here," Loch said, smiling again.

The kid looked unsure of himself, but his eyes locked with the bounty hunter's, he moved closer... almost within reach.

"Closer," Loch said and the boy did it. Quick as lightening, Loch's fist shot out, catching the boy square in the face and sending him to the ground in a heap. "Next time, when I tell you to do something, you do it."

The kid raised his hands to ward off another blow and crawled away from Loch, staying on his knees. 

"Get up," Loch ordered. 

Tears streamed down the boy's face and his eye swelled. He shook his head no, hands still in the air to ward off Loch's fists.

Loch sighed deep and shook his head. Vin looked away, he couldn't watch.

Muffled sounds of fists hitting a body, followed by cries of pain. By the fourth blow, the boy was openly crying, begging Loch to stop hitting him. Vin couldn't help it, he looked back. He fought back his own shouts. Shouts of 'leave him alone,' that wanted to come out, but Vin hurt too bad to take another beating. He reminded himself the boy weren't his responsibility and he'd gotten his own self into this predicament.

"Let's try it again. Get up," Loch ordered.

The kid tried. It took him some time, but eventually he made it to his feet. His face covered in tears, but hardly any blood. Loch must have hit his body instead of his face. 

Loch snorted, "A man, right. First bit of trouble and you cry like an infant." Loch's hand went to his dick, hard and clearly outlined in his pants. He smiled wide, enjoying himself while he lazily stroked his dick through his pants. "I'm going to fuck you kid. It's going to hurt, don't you doubt that."

"Please, mister, I don't want to," the boy begged and Loch laughed even louder. 

"Come here, Michael," he said once he controlled his laughter. 

"No!" the boy shouted, considering making a run for it.

Loch shook his head, and his expression turned into a frown. "Michael, I thought we've already established that I can do anything I want to you and you can't stop me. Do you need me to teach you that lesson again?"

"No," the boy cried, his breath hitching in his throat as he lost control of his emotions. He started backing away, limping badly.

"He's going to run," Loch said. "I love when they do that." He turned around to look at Vin and Vin met his eyes. He tried to keep his face blank, he didn't want Loch making him a part of his game. Vin couldn't decide how Loch wanted him to act, so maybe if he showed nothing, he'd lose interest.

"How long do you think it will take me to catch him?" Loch asked Vin. Loch turned to the boy in time to see him make his break and Loch's expression turned into one of pure joy as he went after the boy. He moved fast for his size and he was on him before the kid could even get out of camp.

He pounced on top off him, bringing him down with a thud, Michael's head bouncing off the ground. Loch straddled him, holding him down while the boy fought for all he was worth. It was a short fight, Loch laughing while he held onto the struggling kid. He punched him in the kidneys and the boy cried out with each blow.

"I'm going to fuck you," Michael," Loch called out. "It'll be your first fuck. Isn't that sweet, you won't be a virgin any more."

Loch hauled him to his feet, the kid still struggling. "That's it, fight me!"

"Please, no!" the kid begged through his tears, struggling to free himself. "I'll do anything!"

Loch stopped dragging him toward the bedroll and tilted his head to the side... looking like he was considering a deal. "Anything?" he finally asked.

Michael nodded and stopped struggling, now that Loch wasn't trying to haul him anywhere. "Please, please don't hit me no more." 

Vin couldn't watch, he couldn't. Stupid kid. Vin could feel his fear and desperation from all the way across the camp. 

"Follow me," Loch said, releasing the kid. 

The boy hesitated and Loch turned back to him, ready to grab him again. The kid ducked out of reach and followed the bounty hunter, right to where Vin was leaning against the tree, bound hand and foot.

"I want you to suck his pecker." Loch said, pointing at Vin. "He's had a rough few days, he could do with a little pleasure."

The kid's head shot up, Vin's did too.

"No!" Vin said. "Leave me out of this!"

"No!" Michael cried out, looking from Vin to Loch.

"You said you'd do anything," Loch reminded the boy. His expression hardened and he stroked his dick again, bringing it up hard. He turned his back on them, then, heading back to the fire-pit. Vin watched him walk away and tried not to look at the kid. 

Loch returned, big bowie knife in hand, his dick still rock hard, a big grin on his face.

"Suck his pecker or I cut yours off." he said to the boy, his tone as casual as if he said it looked like rain. "From what I've seen, you act like a girl. I might as well turn you into one."

"No!" the kid cried out, tears spilling down his face. "I... I.. I don't know how...," he managed to choke out.

"Start by kneeling in front of him," Loch said, eyes bright with excitement. 

The kid did like he was told and knelt in front of Vin, looking up at Loch, waiting to be told what to do.

"I ain't gonna let him," Vin said, curling in on himself, knees drawn tight to his body.

Loch grabbed the kid by the hair and pulled his head back, exposing the long line of his throat. He held his Bowie Knife to the kid's neck, pressing into the soft flesh.

"You don't and I'll cut his throat and leave him in your lap while he bleeds to death," Loch nearly whispered, his face serious. 

Vin stared into his eyes, trying to read if'n he was bluffing or not. He didn't think so. He uncurled his body, stretching his legs in front of him, exposing himself. He looked away, to the ragged mountains in the distance. Listening to the boy's blubbering made him want to cry, too, but he weren't a boy, he wasn't allowed to cry like that, no matter how much he wanted to.

"There," Loch said, releasing the kid from the stranglehold. "Vin wants you to suck him. If you don't make his dick spurt, I'll kill you," Loch said, casually. "Now go ahead." The kid didn't move and Loch pushed him forward and he sprawled into Vin's lap. 

Vin grunted when the kid fell on him, sucking in his breath when a particularly painful bruise was hit hard by the boy's elbow. The kid wouldn't look at him and Vin couldn't blame him. Hell, Vin didn't want to look at him, neither. Vin didn't think he could get hard, no matter what... but if he didin't, Loch would slit the boy's throat, he had no doubt. 

"Vin?" Loch called and Vin looked at him. 

He knew his hatred was all over his face, plain to see. He couldn't help it, couldn't hide what he was feeling. Better hatred than blubbering like the boy.

"You don't enjoy yourself and I will kill him. Why keep around a boy who can't give a decent suck, right?" Loch's hand at his pants again, working his fly. He freed his trapped cock, sighing in relief. He took it in hand, stroking it, gaze going from Vin to the kid, watching them. "Now!" he yelled when the boy didn't move. 

The kid crawled forward, hesitant and reached for Vin's dick. His hands cold, Vin nearly jumped when he grabbed him. He wasn't going to get hard no matter what the kid did to him. 

"Just start licking him, like an ice cream," Loch said softly, his pupils getting big, his hand moving on his dick again. Loch watched Vin, instead of the kid. "Tanner, remember, you don't spurt down his throat, he dies."

Vin closed his eyes, he couldn't look at either of them. He wanted to run, to hide, to yell... and all he could do was sit there. Would Loch really let the kid go if he did what he wanted? Warmth around his dick and Vin squeezed his eyes shut tight. The kid was really doing it. It felt good, the adrenaline in his system making his skin even more sensitive than normal. Getting sucked was one of the best things in the world, when both people wanted it. 

Maybe if he kept his eyes closed, he could will his dick to get hard. 

"Keep going," Loch breathed out, close to Vin's ear. "Suck him, Michael, lick the head, use your hand on the rest of it."

Vin tried to block out Loch's instruction, tried to pretend he was laying in his friend's teepee, getting his dick sucked, letting Neraquassi fuck him, after. If he thought about that, a time when he was happy and a stupid boy, not yet wise to the harshness life served up, then maybe he could do it. If only Loch would shut up. Loch breathed heavy in Vin's ear, watching from over his shoulder and Vin tried to tune him out too. 

Vin could feel the blood flowing to his dick, getting sucked there by the kid's mouth.

"Nice," Loch hissed and Vin almost lost his concentration. "Spread your legs a little more, get some air on your balls," Loch said.

Nausea threatened to make it even more impossible for Vin to stay aroused, but he did as Loch said, and opened his legs a little more. This was not a time to test the man's patience, with a scared kid's mouth over his dick.

Vin also damned Loch for knowing that the feeling of his balls swinging free in the faint evening evening breeze would go a ways toward keeping his dick awake through this. Open air on his balls and a wet mouth slurping on his dick, Vin couldn't help but get fully hard, whether he wanted to or not, and he honestly wasn't sure which it was from one minute to the next.

"Put some suction into it, boy!" Loch growled, making Michael flinch and scrape his teeth along the underside of Vin's dick. When Vin gasped, Loch laughed. "Easy on the teeth, son. You bite it off, he can't very well squirt. And if that happens, you'll be in quite a pickle, won't you?"

Michael thankfully eased back with the teeth, so Vin only felt lips and tongue. The kid also sucked harder, and it began to feel better than Vin knew it should. The firm hand and hot mouth did their job, pulling Vin closer and closer to completion. Michael didn't let up, either. He kept going, working Vin's dick in what became a frenzied rhythm.

"Keep stroking him with your hand when you feel the spurts, you hear? But remember to open your mouth a little. I want to see his seed hitting your tongue."

Unbelievably, those words rocketed Vin to climax, Vin's body unable to resist the image of his semen landing on a warm, wet tongue. He cried out softly, feeling the waves ripple through his balls as he came, Michael milking it out of him with his tight grip. Even as the last flutter of sensation worked through his balls, Vin felt himself blush crimson, and felt himself deflate inside with the shame of how good it felt.

"You are beautiful when you come, Vin," Loch breathed into Vin's ear. Your skin flushes, your eyes get a dreamy, distant look. I can't wait to fuck you," he said. 

Vin turned away from Loch, fighting the hand on his arm, curling in on himself, against the tree.

The kid lay on the ground next to him, curled into a ball, crying, again. 

"Michael, come here," Loch called. The kid didn't move and the bounty hunter let out the dramatic sigh Vin was growing to fear. He stalked off, muttering to himself and Vin pressed tighter against the tree. He couldn't look around, he couldn't think, he didn't want to exist.

Loch returned from where ever he'd gone to, long minutes later. He whistled a tune, obviously satisfied with himself. 

"I'm going to fuck you now, Michael," he called out and Vin felt rather than saw the boy make a break for it. 

He wouldn't look. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and tried to block it all out. Sounds of flesh hitting the ground, the boy screaming, Loch yelling, in a frenzy. It went on forever, sobs broken by silence, drawn out moans, a boy screaming for his mother. 

Loch next to his ear again, seemingly hours later and Vin flinched hard. He smelled blood and fear and sex, and something else, too. His grandfather would have said it was evil spirits, come to walk the earth, but Vin didn't believe in evil spirits. It filled Vin's senses, making him dizzy and he nearly toppled over, his muscles screaming from being held tense for so long.

"Come on, Vin, you're going to like this," Loch whispered as he hauled Vin to his feet. He marched him over to the fire, pushed him down and Vin didn't fight him.

"One more thing, Michael and then I'll know you're a man. If you want to leave in the morning, I won't stop you. But one last thing before you may go to bed." Loch went to the fire and pulled his glowing Bowie knife from the blaze. 

The boy lay curled in a ball, naked, next to the fire-pit and Vin looked away as soon as he laid eyes on him. It was tearing him apart inside, to see the kid. Loch went to him and stretched him out on his belly, the kid not fighting him. He had no fight left in him. Loch sat on his lower back, leaning over him, then held the knife up for Vin to see.

"I always leave my mark after I've fucked someone, Vin. A token to remember me by for the rest of their lives. I guess you could call it staking my claim." Loch started laughing again and Vin thought he was going to lose his mind. 

When the glowing knife touched the boy's shoulder, right on the shoulder blade, the kid let out a scream the likes of which Vin had never heard in his life. Loch pressed the blade to the screaming boy's flesh twice more, finally letting the kid go. 

He was hard again, Vin saw. He looked away when Loch pulled the still screaming kid into his lap, impaling him. Vin drowned it out by chanting, inside his head, where no one could hear him. Loch, finally finished with the boy, dumped the kid on the ground next to Vin. 

He returned moments later and reached out for Vin. Vin tried to scramble away, but Loch grabbed him by the hair, shackling him once he had him. 

"I won't stake you out tonight, Vin. If you make a move, I'll kill the boy."

Vin closed his eyes, willing the night to be over. WIlling the nightmare to be over. The kid sobbed next to him and Vin tried to shift away from him, but a boot caught him in the back, making him hiss in pain.

"You care so much about him," Loch sneered, "you stay right there and comfort him."

Vin couldn't figure out why Loch thought he cared about some stupid kid, tried to remember if he'd made a sound at all while Loch raped the boy. He swallowed over the lump in his throat, trying to figure out why it hurt so bad. Had he been screaming too? He couldn't remember, didn't even try.

Vin shifted closer to the still sobbing boy, trying to make out what he was saying. Oh god, the kid was calling for his mother. Vin didn't think he could take much more, the kid's whimpers and moans were like to rip him apart inside. He closed his eyes and chanted, this time, loud enough for the boy to hear him. He couldn't do much else besides keep his voice low, try to calm the kid through the rhythms he'd been taught. It didn't seem to help, but it didn't seem to hurt none, either.

Morning came before Vin even knew he'd slept. The morning sun high in the sky, he must have slept for hours. He stretched best he could, chained up like he was, and rolled over, not quite remembering all the events of the previous day.

He came eye to eye with the boy. One eye open, the other swollen closed, he watched Vin, warily. The one open eye was brilliant green, the whites of his eyes bright red, making his eye look even greener. His face was beat up bad, much worse than it looked the day before.

"Hey, kid," Vin said softly. "We got matching shiners."

Tears started flowing from the kid's eyes and Vin shifted his gaze away from him. He wished he could fall apart, too.

"Where's Loch?" Vin asked, once he noticed they were alone.

The kid shrugged and Vin gave up. He wasn't in any mood for talking either. The sobs started up again and Vin wished he'd never laid eyes on the boy. He wasn't feeling guilty for thinking uncharitable thoughts about the boy, before. No, he wasn't feeling guilty for thinking, even for a second that the kid deserved what he had coming. 

"Vin?" a choked-off sob and Vin forced himself to look at the kid again.

"You really think I can go home today?"

Vin thought about it for a minute. "Yeah, Michael," he said softly. "I think he's had his fun with you."

"How about you?"

"Don't you worry 'bout me none, kid. You just worry 'bout getting yourself home. I'll get myself out of this, you hear?"

"I... I...," he started crying again, not able to talk. Vin gave him a minute to compose himself, waited patiently, listening for the bounty hunter to come back.

Finally, the kid could get words out. "I don't know how to get home," and he started sobbing again. "I want my ma," he said around his tears. 

"I'll tell you how to get home and I'll tell you where to find food and water, okay?" Vin asked.

The kid finally quit crying and Vin talked softly to him, telling him just where to find food and water for the long walk through the desert he was facing. Vin didn't think the kid would make it, but he'd have a better chance if he could remember what Vin told him.

When he was sure the kid memorized everything he'd been told, Vin went silent. The kid rolled over, back to Vin and cried softly, this time. Vin felt sick as soon as he got a look at the kid's naked back. Two parallel lines, straight up and down, with one line at the bottom. Vin didn't know his letters too good, but it looked like two LL's, sharing a bottom line. Knifed and burned into his skin. Loch's mark and the kid would carry it the rest of his life, just like the bounty hunter said.

Vin looked away, rolled over so he wouldn't be forced to look. Loch wasn't a man, he was a monster and Vin thought, for the first time, that he might just not make it out of Loch's clutches while he was still breathing.

Loch was gone nearly another hour, far as Vin could tell. He came back to camp whistling and smiling, no trace of the monster visible. He shaved, bathed and changed his clothes and he looked like he'd just stepped off a riverboat, not like he spent the night torturing and raping a boy.

"Rise and shine, boys," Loch called out. "Breakfast is served. You boys must be hungry!"

Vin stretched and tried to get to his feet, flinching when Loch turned up next to him. Loch laughed and said, "I'm not going to hurt you," like Vin was crazy for even thinking Loch might.

He unshackled Vin and handed him his clothes, motioning for him to go sit by the fire once he was dressed. He did the same thing with the kid and they both sat, warily, watching Loch serve their breakfast.

Vin didn't think he could eat, but he'd been too long without food and he choked down every bit of food on his plate. He drank as much water as he could, not looking forward to walking another twenty miles.

Loch cleaned up their camp, whistling again and Vin and Michael sat perched on the log he seated them on, looking at each other now and then, but neither of them making a sound or a move.

Loch finished packing all the gear and moved over to Vin's side. "Go by your horse, Vin. I'll help you mount, then put the chains back on you. We've got a lot of ground to cover, now go," he said, swatting Vin's backside when he stood, like he was some wayward boy.

"Well, Michael," Loch said, loudly. "I'd let you be my partner, just like I said, but it looks like your mind is made up."

The kid didn't answer and Vin stood next to his horse, ready to take advantage of any distraction on Loch's part. He didn't want for the boy to get any more ill treatment, but if it happened, he'd take the opportunity to get out of there while Loch was distracted.

Before Vin could even get a plan in his head, Loch drew his gun and pulled the trigger. The kid toppled over, half his head missing, his one open eye staring dead.

Vin, too stunned to even react just stood there, reins in his hand. 

"Don't mount up just yet, there, Vin. You have a small job to do. Come take care of this mess," Loch said, kicking dirt at the kid's lifeless body. 

Vin buried the kid as best he could, covering the body with rocks so the animals wouldn't get him. He was numb, he couldn't feel. HIs hands were bleeding, he noticed when he was finished, but he didn't remember cutting them. Couldn't feel any pain either. Loch helped him mount and Vin finally managed some words.

"Why?" he rasped out, his throat still raw from shouting the night before. "He probably wouldn't have made it home and he wouldn't have told no one what you did!"

"Oh, I know that," Loch said, shrugging as he kicked his horse into a canter. "I felt like it, I guess," he said, smiling. "You should be grateful. At least you don't have to walk today." He kicked his horse into a trot, leading Vin's horse and Vin held on best he could. 

He didn't know when it started, but he noticed tears streaming down his face, drying in the wind. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he cried. He wanted to stop, but couldn't... he just kept seeing the kid's lifeless eye, hearing him scream, heard him talk about his family. If what just happened weren't worth crying over, Vin figured nothing in this life was. Loch wasn't paying him no never mind, anyways, still whistling the same tune. He let the tears flow freely, for as long as they would.

*****


	5. Chapter Five

*****

Vin woke before the sun even threatened to start its day. When he laid down in his cold camp, he hadn't expected to sleep, but it was too dark to track Loch any further. Not if he wanted to take him unaware. Vin dreamed of a time he couldn't remember, nightmares he'd shoved deep down, coming back to him in the dark of night. He hadn't even dreamed of his six weeks with Loch since he'd come out of the desert, more than five years before.

The name Loch wasn't even there, in his mind, until Ezra read it aloud from JD's book. Now his name was there, and his face, and his deeds and they wouldn't go away until Vin saw him pay for what he'd done. To Michael, to James, to Matthew and Daniel. Oh spirits, Daniel! A blue-eyed black haired boy, just a little thing, defiant until the last. His face flashed in Vin's mind and Vin nearly choked on the water he sipped. 

He didn't remember the names of the three bounties Loch had taken in in those six weeks, but he remembered their screams. Vin sometimes woke to unsettling dreams he couldn't remember, but he never had night terrors, never so much as disturbed Chris in his sleep once since they'd been sharing a bed, going on ten months now. Or maybe he had and Chris never mentioned it.

Vin fingered the scar on his shoulder, grateful he never had to look at it, at least. He could forget it was there unless someone asked him about it. Why hadn't Chris ever asked about it? He'd sure have noticed it... Larabee wasn't a man to try to take something wasn't offered, not even a story or a man's history. And Vin never offered, he couldn't. Not when he didn't remember himself.

He remembered his time in the desert, living wild and free. Avoiding all human beings, eating peyote when he wanted to talk to the spirits, when his own spirit was so crushed he wanted to die. He had visions then, crazy visions, but he kept trying to talk to Deer-Person. Other days he talked to the Christian God. He could remember that time, and the lessons-- and peace within he took away from the desert with him-- but he didn't remember what drove him there.

Vin watched as first light came up, long before the sun would show itself. He'd be face to face with Loch before the sun finished its day. He let himself remember, now. He would finish what Loch started six years before. Or Loch would finish him. Only one of them would come back alive. Vin made an oath then, on the graves of everyone who'd ever meant anything to him and on the souls of those four dead boys. Loch would be dead by the end of the day.

Vin rose and stretched then peeled off his shirts. He stripped out of his britches next, then cut down his long handles until they reached only to mid-thigh. Not exactly a breech, but close enough. He braided a section of his hair, in the front, close up to his scalp. He prepared his body and his spirit, ready to use some of the things he'd been taught and only had to use a time or two in his life. 

He went to his horse next, braiding a section of his mane and part of his tail, too. Peso stood calmly through it all, somber as Vin. Vin was suddenly glad he'd left home without most of his gear. He'd only have dumped it until he finished what he set out to do. He made a sling out of one of his pants legs, tying his rifle over his back. He tied his knife to his waist. He wished he had some war paint, to paint his face and body, but he'd have Loch's blood painting him soon enough.

He mounted and took his time riding out, sure now from the patterns in the trail that he was on the right track. It was a good a day as any to die, he reminded himself as he set off to see things through.

*****

It would be a good day to die, Vin decided as soon as he woke. Loch went after a bounty the night before, leaving Vin in a jail cell. He let the deputies taunt him, let the kids in the backwater town stare at him through the bars. Marfa, Texas weren't nothing but a tiny little town and Vin was the most excitement they'd had through there in months.

Vin couldn't remember the last time he talked. Probably the night Loch killed the second boy, a week after he killed Michael. Two weeks gone by and Loch hadn't managed to lure a kid into coming with him. He took his frustration out on Vin, humiliating him every chance he got. They'd never left the Big Bend and Vin's mind still wandered the desert, thoughts about how he'd live when he was free keeping his mind still working.

He watched the sun come up, painting his dingy cell with light. He'd held his water for going on sixteen hours, but he'd gotten to the point he could make it nearly two days. He tried to get comfortable, hooked to the wall like he was, but it wasn't any use. He'd learned to ignore his body's discomfort, too.

A man could learn to tolerate things he couldn't even imagine, as long as hope still flared. And for Vin, it did. He couldn't understand why and that worried him. If he thought on it enough, he'd lose his hope. Maybe it was only hope for making Loch pay for what he'd done, but he couldn't look too close; he couldn't take the risk.

He waited the day out, laying on the bunk. He could lie still for hours now. If he thought, before, that he was patient, well, he hadn't even known the meaning of the word.

Words had lost their power, too. He remembered how he was, three weeks ago, in his before life, letting Loch's words rile him. He'd learned words didn't matter. Only thing that mattered was what a man did. Words had no power to him now.

After lunch, Vin still staring at the walls, watching the shadows mark the sun's path and he heard the door open. He didn't move, just waited silently for whatever would happen. Watching, waiting. 

"Found him, sheriff, sleeping in a bed at his mother's house, just like you thought," Loch called out as the door opened. He stepped in, leading the man he'd gone after the night before. "Sheriff?" Loch called and Vin still didn't move.

"Tanner? You still breathing?" Loch called, laughing. "I found us a new friend. He's wanted up El Paso way, so he might be with us awhile. Two hundred dollars, not such a find as you, but still worth a pretty penny."

Vin didn't answer, didn't even shift on the bunk. Loch didn't care if Vin answered or not, he prattled on without Vin's input as long as he felt like it.

Loch led the new 'friend' over to the cell next to the one Vin lay in, giving Vin a short glance to make sure he really was still breathing. Or maybe just to laugh at him some more. Vin didn't much care.

"You like this one, Tanner?" Loch asked. "A little long in the tooth for me, but he'll do, don't you think?"

Loch liked to try to get Vin's input, tried to draw him into the things he did to his prey. It's why Vin had shut his mouth and kept it shut. Everything he said was used against him, used against whoever was at Loch's mercy. He didn't think he could take Loch inflicting such suffering on a person just because it got Vin's back up. Nope, couldn't even think about it happening again.

Loch stepped out, whistling that tune again, the same one he always whistled and Vin did look at the feller Loch brought in. He was older than Loch preferred, at least twenty, maybe even older. He had a hard, mean look to him. He weren't no boy, that's for sure. Looked like Loch was looking for a different kind of fun.

"Got you too, huh?" the guy asked, making it sound like Vin offered himself up to Loch. 

He'd learn soon enough, Vin decided.

"Sissy man like that won't be able to keep track of two of us," the guy said as he peered through the bars, trying to see out the front door. "Don't you talk?"

Vin didn't answer. Nothing he could say to warn the feller and nothing he would believe anyway. He'd be dead soon.

"Hey! Let me out of here," the man yelled, banging on the bars. "That bounty's been lifted!"

Vin would have to remember that line. Maybe it would work if he ever got caught by another bounty hunter. 

"You just remember that Bounty's for me ALIVE!" the guy yelled and Vin figured he might not be as dumb as he looked.

He got lost in his own thoughts again, out in the desert, living free. He didn't pay any attention when Loch returned and got them ready to go. Barely heard Loch thank the sheriff for the easy pickings.

They ended up in the middle of nowhere's again, the next day, and Vin did what Loch told him, when he told him. One thing he'd learned was the man didn't make idle threats.

He didn't pay any attention when Loch started taunting the new prey, didn't even look when Loch stripped him naked and lashed him. Didn't pay any attention when Loch shoved his dick down the guy's throat.

Tried not to hear any of it. But it was always there, even if he didn't acknowledge it.

"You bite me and I'll pull your teeth one by one," Loch said as he waved his cock in the guy's face.

A few seconds later and Loch screamed. It was the best sound Vin heard in weeks. Ten minutes later, the guy was spread eagle on his back in the dirt, bleeding from his nose, eyes already swelling and a stick holding his mouth open.

Vin didn't listen to his screams as Loch pulled his teeth from his mouth, didn't watch as held up the bloody things, didn't even pay attention when Loch threw one at him, hitting him in the face, blood spattering him.

The next day, they traveled west, toward El Paso to collect on the bounty. Vin had to walk, since the bounty couldn't, but he didn't mind. Gave him a chance to get some exercise, gave him a chance to think about getting away again.

That night, Loch fucked and branded the guy, taking the rest of the fight out of him. Come morning, he was meek as a little lamb. 

Vin got to ride the next day. Took them four days to get to El Paso and Vin worried about leaving his familiar territory. He'd counted on being somewhere he knew when he escaped, but he learned soon enough Loch didn't want to leave the area either. As soon as they left El Paso, they headed east, hunting another bounty.

A week later, they delivered him to Presidio, minus his balls. Only thing Vin came close to saying was 'The man don't make idle threats,' when Loch threatened his prey with castration. But he kept his mouth shut. The guy wouldn't have believed him. Vin wouldn't have believed his own self, if he told himself about Loch.

Near as Vin could figure, four weeks had gone by since Loch caught him unawares, that night. Most of Vin's hurts had healed up by the time they rode into Van Horn. It wasn't much of a town and Vin readied himself to be locked in a cell again. Of all the things happening, it was the one he had the hardest time not fighting. He didn't think he could stand to be locked in another cell, staring at four walls for up to twenty-four hours at a stretch. Made him feel like he was buried alive. He'd rather be dead. 

He'd been having lots of thoughts about death lately. And how nice it might be. He didn't much care whether or not there was a life after this one... as long he wasn't living this one, he figured he could take it. He kept getting strange thoughts in his head, that maybe he was already dead and those preacher-men had been right. He was an evil man, they saw it in him when he was ten, and this was the hell he'd been assigned to.

It was thoughts like that kept him fighting against being caged. He couldn't escape those thoughts when he lay on a bunk, staring at the walls, waiting for Loch to return.

He got lucky, though, and they rode right through Van Horn and into the countryside. Lots of big ranches in the area, they saw cattle-sign everywhere they went. Used to be able to see deer and Buffalo, far as the eye went, but nowadays, nothing but big, smelly cows.

Loch led them to some hills, a ways outside of town. Vin kept his head down, not paying attention until Loch led them into a cave, big enough for them and their horses.

"Down," Loch ordered and Vin slipped to his feet. Loch shackled and hog tied him, leaving him on the floor of the cave. "I'll be back," Loch said, tipping his hat. "And I'm going to bring someone home with me, but don't you fret, he won't take your place."

Vin slept; he'd gotten real good at sleeping most anywhere, real good at waking with the slightest shift in the air, too. He woke in the darkness of the cave; Loch hadn't left him a lantern. He lay listening for any sign of what woke him. Cougar roamed this area and Vin knew he was easy pickings trussed up like he was. He thought about what it would feel like to be ripped apart by one of the big cats. It couldn't hurt much worse than some of the things he'd been through.

He stared into the darkness awhile, feeling his mind slip away and he was powerless to stop it. The worst part was knowing he was going crazy. He worked on a plan while he waited, a plan to push Loch into killing him. His old plan, of outlasting the man, wasn't working too good.

Light in the distance, near the bend in the cave wall that led outside and Vin braced himself for Loch's return. Vin didn't know how long he'd been gone, but it must have been at least a day, maybe more.

More than one person and Vin bit back a groan; he couldn't watch Loch torture again; he couldn't. 

"Matthew," Loch's voice echoed through the chamber, "you be careful near him, son. He might not look like much, but he'll hurt you if you give him a chance."

"Yes, sir," a voice stuck between boyhood and manhood called out, strong and confident.

Vin kept his back to the kid; he couldn't look at him.

Loch surprised Vin, not starting in on the boy at all for two days. He treated him like a favored son and Vin wondered what was so different about this kid. 

Another day and the taunting started. Another night and Loch couldn't contain his needs any longer. Tried to draw Vin in too, but Vin wouldn't have any part of it. If he'd thought having to witness Loch's depravity with the first two boys was rough, he soon learned it wasn't nothing. 

The days went by in a fog, after that. Vin just going through the motions of life. He didn't even try to eat any more. Barely drank enough to keep alive and that was only because Loch threatened to tube him. He would, too, Vin knew. There wasn't anything the man threatened that he didn't do. 

They headed south next, after a bounty. Loch gloated about this bounty, said it was about time he got one that was wanted dead or alive. He was sick of turning in the live ones, he told Vin.

As they approached the Rio Grande and the Mexican border, they headed up, into the Chisos mountains. Made Vin think about escaping again, since he knew there were still renegade bands of Comanche, Kiowa, Apache and Ute in the area. 

Loch left him in a cave again, deep inside a mountain and Vin thought maybe he'd get lucky and Loch would get himself killed while he was gone. The hours stretched on and Vin had no way to mark the passing of time, deep in a cave. There was no sun, no stars, not a hint of light in the old mining shaft. Vin was about to break, he knew. Next time Loch brought him to a cave, he'd rather die than be left again.

He begged for Loch to return, swore he'd do anything the man wanted if only he'd be let into the daylight. Looked like Loch was gonna hear that begging out of Vin he'd been waiting for, and soon too. Maybe he'd kill him then. It was a nice thought, being let out of this hell. He wasn't much afraid of dying any more, he realized in a rare moment when his mind and body were together. 

Loch returned, killing Vin's hopes of dying while he waited, killing the dreams of Loch getting himself killed out there. Vin didn't pay him no nevermind when he made a ruckus, setting up camp inside the cave. 

Vin almost didn't notice Loch had two people with him, tried not to notice. He'd been begging for Loch's return. If that didn't make him crazy, well then, he didn't know what did. Only, he hadn't returned alone and even in his darkest moments, he hadn't ever wished this hell on anyone else. 

Lamps lit and Vin shrunk back from the light. He couldn't focus, having been in the dark for so long, and the dim lamplight gave him a stabbing pain behind his eyes. He curled into a ball and shut his eyes tight.

More noise and movement around him, but he ignored it. If he even looked Loch's way, he'd start begging to be let out of the cave. Maybe if he begged, then Loch would kill him, since he'd been waiting all this time to hear Vin beg. It was a nice thought.

"Mister?" a high voice, not even close to deepening into manhood yet and Vin wished he could close his ears like he could close his eyes.

"Hey, Mister?" again. Vin still ignored him, whoever he was.

"Hey, Vin," louder and more desperate. "Mr. Loch says I gotta take care of you. If'n I don't, I don't know what he'll do so can you maybe pretend like I'm taking care of you? Please?"

Vin straightened out a little, wanted to warn the kid that he might not want the job he signed on for. Hell, wouldn't do any good, would it?

"You awake, Mister Vin?"

Vin nodded, keeping his eyes shut tight.

More movement near him and Vin curled back into a ball.

"I brought you a gift, Tanner," Loch's voice, booming, echoing throughout the cavern. "Look at me."

Vin did. He couldn't not. His vision still blurry, he cracked open his eyes, stared up at Loch, hoping he wouldn't give away how desperate he was.

"This is Daniel," Loch said, clapping the kid on the shoulder. "I bought him from an orphanage. There wasn't anyone else who wanted a half-grown, scrawny little boy and they were sick of feeding a worthless thing like him. He's my new apprentice." 

Vin didn't want to look at the kid, he wouldn't be around long, anyway.

"You could at least look at him, Tanner, since I went to all the trouble of getting him for you."

He was gonna be sick, even though he hadn't eaten more than a few crusts of bread in days. Vin had promised himself that not another living soul would ever be hurt due to him. He couldn't keep that promise any more than he could keep himself sane. 

"Look at him. Now," Loch said, his voice taking on the edge that meant someone was gonna get hurt.

Vin glanced at the kid, then back to Loch. Loch nodded at him, smiling big, then nodded at the kid. Vin made himself look. He was a scrawny little thing, barely past Loch's belt buckle. Pale, freckled skin, a mop of wavy black hair. 

The boy watched the two adults closely, ready for whatever they might do. This one weren't no innocent, sheltered kid, Vin could tell right off. Different from what Loch normally brought back with him and Vin wondered if maybe Loch had different plans for this one.

"I've got business with our guest, I'll leave you two to become acquainted."

Loch led the man he'd taken in away from Vin and the kid. Once Vin was sure Loch was out of sight, he sat up, leaning against the cave wall.

He looked at the boy, not quite sure yet just what to make of him. The kid looked back at him, curious, Vin could tell.

"Mr. Loch says it's my job to make sure you don't get away. He said he's gonna take you up north in a couple of weeks. You look like shit, Mister Vin."

Vin wasn't put off by the boy's observation; he could only imagine how bad he looked. Loch kept him shaved and bathed, but he hadn't seen the sun in too long and he felt crazy, probably looked it too.

Vin averted his eyes, he didn't want to look at the friendly little feller. If he could still form words, he'd try to warn him. This boy might actually listen to him. It didn't sound like Loch had poisoned his mind, yet.

"You thirsty?" the kid asked.

It took Vin a few minutes, but he finally figured out the question. He gave a nod and the boy went to get water. He returned with a canteen and handed it to Vin. 

Vin was an expert at drinking with his hands bound, he didn't spill any. It felt sweet, going down. He tried to ration the water Loch left within his reach, when he'd left, but the water had run out some time before and Vin was near dying of thirst.

"You wasn't like this before Loch got ahold of ya, was ya, Mister Vin?"

Vin tried to figure out the question. He could hardly remember his old life. Finally, the words and the question sunk in his head. He looked away, to where Loch disappeared to, then nodded, without looking back at the kid.

"He's a bad man, ain't he?" the kid asked.

Vin looked him in the eye again, tried to stare the truth into the boy, give him some warning. He nodded, their eyes still locked.

"That's what I figured when he came to the orphanage. He lined up all the older boys, looked at us real funny and then he picked me. Since my ma and pa got kilt, I got real good at figuring out who means harm and who don't."

Vin tried to block the kid out; didn't matter that he knew to watch out for Loch, a little kid like him stood no chance.

"My ma and pa and my sisters got kilt by raiders when I was eight. I'm twelve now and I been on my own since then. I'm from up Valentine way, you know it?"

Vin wasn't used to making conversation anymore. He didn't want to, but the kid drew him out, made him remember there was a world out there. He couldn't decide if he was grateful or if he wanted the kid to shut his mouth. He nodded to the boy, he knew where Valentine was.

"I got sent to an orphanage in Shafter... that's where he bought me. It ain't right, just goin to an orphanage and buyin a kid. When I'm growed ain't no one going to be able to do that to me."

Vin almost laughed at the kid. If he could talk, he'd say that he wouldn't lay odds on the kid ever growing up. But the kid had a fierce look on his face, arms crossed over his chest, chin jutting out. Kind of reminded him of himself at that age. He'd been in an orphanage too, but no one tried to sell him out as labor. He'd run away before anyone could. Would have been right about Daniel's age, too. He hadn't meant to think the boy's name... he hadn't thought of any of the kids by name since the first boy.

Might have been cowardice, but it made it easier when Loch killed them. He turned away from the kid, leaned against the wall. Damned little feller was breaking into the haven he created. He wouldn't let him... he couldn't.

"Tanner?" Loch called out and Vin flinched. Felt like a coward all over again. 

Loch came strutting down the mine shaft, wiping his hands. Vin didn't want to know what he'd been doing with the man he brought back with him.

"Do you like my gift?" Loch asked, obviously pleased with himself. "Now, I have some rules for you to follow and we'll keep Daniel around until he's a little older, I imagine. He's a little young to be of much use just yet, but he'll grow."

"You shouldn't a picked me if'n you think I'm too young, Mister," the kid said, arms still crossed.

Vin looked away, he couldn't watch Loch punish the kid.

"You have spirit, Daniel, that's why I picked you. Vin used to have spirit, too, but now he thinks he can hide from me. Rule number one," Loch said, holding his finger in the air. 

He was in a great mood and Vin could only imagine what he'd come up with to torture him now. 

"Rule number one is that the boy gets only as much to eat as you eat. If you don't eat, he doesn't. Now that's reasonable, isn't it? Since he's a lot smaller than you, you can still starve yourself, you just won't starve to death. Like I said, reasonable." Loch paced in the confines of the mine shaft, telegraphing his excitement at this new twist in his game.

"Rule number two," Loch said, holding two fingers in the air like he was on stage. "He gets your punishment from now on. You disobey me and the boy pays."

Vin had already figured that part out. It didn't come as any surprise Loch planned to use the kid to control him. 

"That ain't right, mister," the kid said, glaring at the bounty hunter. 

Before Vin could warn him, the kid went flying, knocked off his feet by Loch. He got back to his feet quick, face red where he'd been slapped. He glared at Loch some more but kept his mouth shut. Little guy learned quick, could take a licking, too. 

"Don't test me, Daniel," Loch said softly. "I thought you were smarter than that." 

"Now," Loch said, performing again, like he'd never been interrupted. "I have to bring the bounty in so we can have traveling money. I'm leaving in the morning and I imagine I'll be gone for at least four days. I'll leave you food and water and, Vin, you'll be locked to that wall. Daniel will take care of your needs. Daniel, I thought about breaking your leg so you won't run off, but I can trust you, right?"

"Ain't nowhere to run off to, up in these mountains, but I figure you know that. It'd take me at least two weeks to get somewheres, if'n I didn't get lost, and I'd be dead by then, so I reckon you don't have to break my leg to keep me here."

"I knew you were intelligent," Loch said, ruffling the boy's hair. "Daniel, you stay here with Vin. Don't leave this tunnel. You can both wait until breakfast to eat. I have business." Loch looked from Vin to the boy, then headed back to where he'd left his other captive. 

The two of them stared at each other for awhile, neither saying a word. Kid must have figured out he was in a world of trouble, by now, but he didn't look too concerned. Being able to take a licking was one thing; witnessing Loch's peculiarities would probably take the stuffing out of the boy. Hell, Vin didn't want to be responsible for this boy's life. 

"I imagine you ain't very tired, Mister Vin, but it's the middle of the night and I been traveling for days. You mind if I go to sleep?"

Vin shook his head, but stayed right where he was, not making a move to lie down. He wasn't tired and he was happy to have the light. To know there was something in the world besides his own mind and the darkness of the mine shaft. 

Vin must have fallen asleep, even if he didn't want to. He woke, still leaning against the wall. He felt a weight on his leg and looked down. It hadn't been his imagination, the kid was right there, head on Vin's leg, sound asleep. Vin listened for what woke him, tried to figure out if he should be worried. 

Long minutes of silence and Vin wasn't sure what disturbed his sleep. He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. Felt strange to have a warm little body curled up next to him, using him as a pillow. 

A sharp cry of pain echoed off the walls of the tunnel and Vin knew what it was that woke him. Loch's business with his bounty. He hoped the kid wouldn't wake and hear it. No one should have to hear sounds like that coming from a person.

Shifting against his leg and he knew the kid was awake. He wished he had words of comfort for the boy, but all his words left him and there just weren't any words in any language would make that sound easier. Daniel wrapped his arms around Vin's leg, holding on tight, body tensing more with each unholy scream. Vin almost strangled the kid right then. If he weren't such a coward, he would. Might save the boy a world of hurt in the long run.

"When the raiders come to our homestead..." the soft voice floated in the air, startling Vin. "When they come, my ma made me hide in the root cellar. I could still hear them. I shoulda done something to stop 'em. I coulda maybe saved my ma, but I was too scared to move. I didn't come out of the cellar for days, seemed like. I wish I could help you, Mister Vin, but I'm not big enough to be much use."

Vin felt his leg getting wet, knew the kid was crying. Moments before, he'd considered using his hands to strangle the kid, instead he used his hands to rub the boy's back. Weren't much comfort, Vin knew, but strange enough, just reaching out and touching another living soul gave Vin comfort too.

*****


	6. Chapter Six

*****

Another day gone and Vin knew he was close. He didn't want to make camp, he wanted to put an end to a chapter in his life. It was long overdue. Thinking on Daniel nearly brought tears to his eyes; he didn't think anything in this life could move him to tears ever again. Weren't really all that much worth getting all worked up about, once a person had stared real evil right in the face.

Only thing really worth getting riled about was a person hurting another person. Vin didn't stand by when someone was getting trampled on by someone who had no right to trample on them. He couldn't, not if he wanted to walk with his head in the air. 

Strange time to be having such serious thoughts; he had a job to do. Loch was still up to his games. Vin knew why Jed Nelson blew his own head off. Come tomorrow, no one would ever be in Loch's clutches ever again. 

Vin made his camp, tried to find some peace once he sat down to keep watch. He was near worn out, but lack of sleep wouldn't stop him. He felt the old feelings coming back, almost couldn't stop them. He had to think hard on the time after-- the lost time. Only thinking on that time would keep him from losing control before he finished what he set out to do.

*****

Vin jerked awake, sitting upright before he even knew he was awake. The entire left side of body was on fire and he couldn't get his head straight. He tried to breathe around the pain, but it took up too much space, filling him, overflowing so's he couldn't even draw a breath. He tried to remember where he was, tried to work out if he was awake or caught in a nightmare, tried to figure out if Loch was going to come out of the darkness. Movement and Vin held up his hands, ready to fight to the last.

"Quiet, little brother," a soft, sweet voice whispered, in Shoshone, the shared language of the Comanche and Shoshone. "There are no evil spirits here. There are no white men here."

Vin bit back the groan trying to break free from him. He didn't know where he was, wasn't even sure who he was, but he knew he was safe, for now. He needed to leave, he couldn't risk anyone else, if Loch was tracking him. 

"You have been with us for over a moon," the woman said, stepping out from the shadows. 

He'd been there a month? How come he couldn't remember any of it? He tried to track the woman in the shadows, finally able to breathe. She moved toward him slowly, coming within a foot of the skins he lay wrapped in, squatting low, almost on eye level with him.

"I'm sure you have many questions," she said as she reached out to feel his brow. He shrank back from her touch out of instinct and she drew her hand back. "Do you understand my words?" she asked him, head tilted to the side.

He thought on her question some, his mind felt slow, sluggish, almost as disused as his body. He tried to move and the stabbing pain washed through him again. When he had control of himself, he nodded to her, eyes squeezed shut. He didn't know where he was or what had happened to him, but he could understand her.

"You have the mark of the Tahnahwah over your heart," she said softly, reaching out to touch him again. He didn't flinch this time. "My husband wished to leave you where we found you. But I knew you were of the people."

Vin stared into her face, a face so like that of his grandfather's mother. He was too far south to be near her people, those that were left.

"If it was not for Hawk, we would not have found you. That is how I knew you were Nemeni."

Of the people. He used to be of the people, he wasn't sure what he was any longer.

"Your skin is cool," she said after she drew back her hand. "That is good. You have made up your mind to live." 

No, that wasn't right. He'd made up his mind to die. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe in the scent of the teepee without waking up the fire in his body again. He could believe he was safe, if he didn't go back to sleep. He knew Loch waited for him in his sleep. He knew it by instinct, knew that was why he hadn't known he'd been there for a month. In his mind, he'd been with Loch, watching him, unable to stop anything he did. His eyes flew open; what if for the rest of his life, every time he closed his eyes, Loch waited for him?

The woman sang to him, softly, for a few minutes. "You may sleep," she said, interrupting her song. "I will sing so you remain in this world instead of the dream world. Tomorrow, we will begin your journey back to this world."

Vin stayed with the small band of displaced Comanche, high in the Sierra Del Carmen, above Boquillas Canyon, for another month. It took nearly that long before he could stand on his own two feet. His bones had mostly healed while he was in the grip of fever. He still had some healing to do, after he rejoined the living, and he spent the short winter in the camp of the small band. 

Once the days started warming, even while the nights were still cold, he knew he had to leave. He couldn't stay with them; he couldn't put anyone else through his nightmares. He couldn't risk hurting anyone while he was gripped by a waking dream, imagining every stray sound to be Marvin Leroy Loch. Vin was dangerous to anyone came near him and he knew it.

He never spoke a word, in the two months he was with them. He hadn't even spoken during his fever dreams, only moaned and sobbed. He didn't remember that time. His last memory was deciding he'd put an end to his time with Loch, through death if he had to. When he dove over the cliff, he truly believed he would die. He hadn't much cared, then. Now, he did care. He wished he died, that day. Or at any time he lay broken at the base of the cliff. But Hawk showed the people his broken body. His body healed, only his spirit remained broken. 

Vin would go to the desert, to the place he felt at home, to the land of the open sky, where all he had to think on was feeding his body and finding water. There were over a million acres to get lost in, a number so big, it wouldn't even fit in Vin's head. 

*****

Vin moved silently through the pre-dawn grayness, willing Loch to remain sleeping. He didn't want to shoot him. He wouldn't be allowed such an easy death, he couldn't be if Vin's world was ever to right itself. It wouldn't be fair to all those Loch killed so horribly, if the man was allowed an easy exit from the world. 

Vin took his time getting close, moving as if he were still a spirit, like he'd been during the lost time. That time made him whole again and he used what he'd learned to accomplish his goal. He crept up to his nightmare made flesh, knelt beside him for a moment. He used his mare's leg to knock him out, completing the circle begun the night Loch knocked him out while he lay sleeping, so many years before.

He wasted no time finding a rope among Loch's possessions. The man had always kept a neat camp and Vin knew right where it would be. Once he had Loch bound and secured to a tree, he took his time setting up his own camp, making a fire, gathering the tools he would use. Once he had his own knife by his side and Loch's Bowie knife in front of him, he settled in to wait. He would let him wake on his own, needing the time to ready his spirit. He would wait for him to open his eyes, even though all of his instinct told him to gut the man while he was still unconscious, before he could use his poison tongue, before he could send Vin back into the hell of self-doubt and self-hatred he finally found his way free of.

He could feel the spirits of the dead, waiting for him to make things right. They sat behind him, silently watching. He thought he'd left them in the desert long ago, but they'd been waiting for him to make it right. And he would.

There was no warning before Loch woke, one moment his eyes were closed, the next, he stared into Vin's eyes. Recognition instant, a smile blossomed across the hated features. Vin kept his own face blank, couldn't afford to let anything show.

"Vin Tanner, as I live and breathe," Loch said, unconcerned he was bound hand and foot and tied to a tree. "Seeing you again is the most wonderful fortieth birthday present I could have imagined in all my days. And a surprise present at that."

"You won't think it's so wonderful soon enough, Le-roy," Vin said, letting out the venom coursing through him. He wouldn't be drawn into Loch's games, wouldn't let him twist things around in his head.

"I knew you weren't dead, Vin. Don't ask me how, but I knew. I'm surprised it took you this long to find me."

"You wanted me to find you?" VIn couldn't help asking. That didn't make any kind of sense.

"Of course I did," Loch said, shaking his head as if Vin were a simpleton. "We belong together. I've spent the past six years looking for someone like you. I even bought a few indian boys, thinking maybe that's what made you what you are, but it didn't work."

"You don't know what I am!" Vin yelled, losing his calm. He jumped to his feet and crossed the space that separated them, held the knife at Loch's throat. "Yer gonna find out just what I am, though," Vin growled.

"We could have been wonderful together. You're a hunter, just like me. We only needed to harden your heart a little more."

Vin took first blood, then, not able to even let the thought that he was anything like Loch into his head. 

"See, you have it in you, Vin," Loch said, smiling through the blood running down his face.

"Only when it comes to you," Vin growled. He should cut out his tongue first, that's what he should do.

"Oh you don't believe that, do you?" Loch asked, eyebrow raised, mocking Vin. "Why I just bet you exact retribution on anyone you think deserves it, don't you? On anyone you think not worthy. Only difference between us is that I don't think many are worthy; most people are prey for men like us."

"You say anything like that again, I'll cut your forked tongue right outta your head," Vin growled, feeling his control slipping. "I remember your games, Le-roy, jist like it were yesterday. Gotta find out what makes a man who he is, right? Makin me out ta be like you won't make it true, and I know that."

"Ah, Vin, my beautiful boy, what a treasure you were. All those others, they were just dime-novels, to pass the time. They were fun, while it lasted, but I'd forget them as soon as I finished with them. You, though, you were a long, delicious novel, a masterpiece I could savor long past the last page."

Vin couldn't think on Loch's words... all those others... and here he'd gone and put the man out of his head. "Why?" Vin asked, trying to keep his own thoughts from sending him where Loch wanted him-- he didn't hold no blame in any of this and he knew that. Knew it deep down inside, where it mattered most. He'd made his peace, but he still wanted to know why.

"Why?" Loch snorted. "You ask why? Why does the sun rise? Why do the seasons change? Why does anything happen. Things just are."

"Things ain't just are! Yer games and words ain't gonna stop me, Loch. I done already figured out why, I wanted to hear it outta your mouth. You did it because you could and for no other reason. Hurting people makes you feel good and you ain't got a lick of concern in you for any living thing. That's why. You're right about one thing, Leroy, and it pains me to say them words. But you are right about one thing. Some things just is and evil's one of 'em."

"You've always been smart, Vin," Loch said, chuckling. "Not as smart as me, but smart nevertheless. I almost had you back then, didn't I? Our last night together, I could feel the change in you. Maybe bringing that kid, what was his name... never mind, he's rotted to nothing by now... bringing him into our game might have been a mistake, I realize that now."

Vin's vision faded away and the blood rushed through his ears... Daniel, he couldn't think about Daniel... it would send him back to the other side of crazy. He couldn't fight back the visions, the freckled face, the bright smile... the mercifully dead eyes...

By the time Loch returned from delivering his latest bounty, Vin hated him again. He'd found some kind of balance until then, refusing to participate in Loch's world. But then Loch had to buy the boy and Vin hated him all over again. Hated him for drawing Daniel into their dance. Hated him for drawing Vin back into the world. Hated him for giving him someone to talk to while he was trussed up in the cave, even though it's what he'd been begging for.

The boy was good company, Vin had to admit a day or so after Loch left to deliver his bounty. Talked some, but not so much as to strain Vin's nerves. Good at reading a body, so's it didn't even matter that Vin had lost his words; he didn't need them with Daniel. He cooked up the rations Loch left behind, but didn't make any kind of attempt to get Vin to eat. He just ate his own share and Vin's. It wasn't selfishness made him do it, Vin knew. Kid was smart enough to eat while he got the chance, if'n Vin was planning to starve the both of them.

Boy kept a neat jail for him too. Helped Vin with his needs without making a sound, almost as if he weren't there at all. Wouldn't have mattered by that point, though. Vin had gotten used to not having a moment alone, not even to take care of his personal needs. He'd been able to ignore everything happening around him, was able to pretend to be made of stone, like that statue he'd seen in a picture book once. 

Vin tried to figure out why Loch gave him a companion but he couldn't get it straight in his head, though he'd be the first to admit not much would lie straight in his head anymore. Daniel left the cave, even though Loch had told him not to, before he left. Made Vin anxious... the boy disobeying like that. Loch didn't take kindly when people disobeyed him. Made a body wish he was dead. If'n he was like to kill the boy for it, Vin would try to encourage him to go outside. But since Loch did things that only made a man, or boy, wish he was dead... That spirit of Daniel's may have been what made Loch pick him out, but it would be the end of him, too.

Each day, Vin got drawn back into the world that existed outside his head. When Loch returned, he took his time staring at Vin. "It seems you two have become fast friends... good, good," Loch muttered as he broke their small camp. "Daniel," he called, holding out the keys to the hated shackles, "bring Vin down to the creek, you'll hear it as soon as you're outside. Make sure he bathes and uses soap."

Loch turned his gaze on Vin, then. "You smell like a barn Tanner. Disgraceful," he muttered as he stowed all the gear.

When Vin finished bathing, Daniel stared at him before helping him into his clothes. Kind of made Vin a little ashamed, the boy sizing him up like that. He knew he weren't much to look at these days, knew he had no pride left, knew he shouldn't be a coward and knew he should try to make Loch end his life. But he'd tried that already. Didn't work, only made things worse. Vin wished he could tell the boy some of it, wished he could tell him to run while he was still strong enough to maybe have any chance at all.

Kid was good at reading a body, all right, Vin realized as soon as the boy opened his mouth. Vin hadn't needed to say any of that to get his meaning across.

"He's gonna kill me, ain't he?" Daniel asked, blue eyes so serious. Vin hadn't noticed the color of the boy's eyes before, back in the cave. Out in the light of day, they were cornflower blue, bright and lively, set off by his freckles and black hair. 

Vin looked away, then nodded. It wouldn't do no good to lie to him.

"He's gonna hurt me first, though, ain't he?"

Vin nodded again, still looking downstream.

Vin could feel the boy settling in on the ground and Vin grew anxious, if they were gone too long, Loch wouldn't take too kindly to the delay. And Vin knew who would take the brunt of the punishment. It weren't going to be him, that was for sure.

"Relax," Daniel said. "It ain't your fault. It's that bastard Mr. Shillinger's fault. He's the one done sold me to a crazy man."

Vin couldn't relax. Kid thought he was smart, thought he had life all figured out. He didn't know anything.

"I ain't no baby, you know, Mister Vin. You can stop treating me as such. I know all about things people get up to when they think no one knows." Daniel sprawled out on the ground, staring at the sky. "You'd be surprised at what I know about things like that."

Vin glanced back toward the entrance to the cave, watched for Loch to come out. Now weren't the time for stories.

"Yer Comanche, ain't you?"

Vin shrugged, eyes still on the cave entrance. 

"My older sister used to try to scare me with stories of the Comanche raids, but there ain't been a raid around these parts in years. Ended up being ranchers wanted our land we should have been scared of."

Daniel got to his feet then and Vin made his body move, toward his horse, tied by the cave entrance. He looked good, Loch treated his animals real well. He had to, the amount of traveling the man did.

"Mister Loch likes to hurt people with his pecker, don't he?"

Vin stopped in his tracks, frozen by those words coming out of a body so young. No twelve year old should know about things like that.

"Them cowboys killed my family did that to my sisters. Clara weren't but ten. She didn't know what they was planning to do to her. But Elsbeth was sixteen, she knew. She stared at me and Anna, she knew where ma hid us. I think she wanted me to kill her. Like I said before, I weren't but eight and if you think I'm scrawny now, you should have seen me then. If I knew they was gonna kill 'em, I woulda tried to kill 'em first. Body shouldn't have to go through that just to die, anyway."

Vin couldn't help listening. Boy was saying some serious things. Vin would respect him and listen to him, even though it pained him. 

"Not all people are bad like them people. You and me just had a run a bad luck, I suppose. A family took in me and Anna, after it happened. But I wasn't in any mood for kindness. Cursed 'em and fought 'em. Couldn't ever seem to draw a deep breath. I don't blame them for sending me to the orphanage."

Vin wondered if Loch knew the boy's story, before he bought him. Wondered if that's why he picked the boy.

"Mr. Shillinger does that to the girls. I can hear 'em crying at night sometimes. But he ain't likely to kill them. They'll be grown one day and they'll make their own way. That's what's important, right, Mister Vin?"

Kid didn't sound so sure of himself any more. Didn't sound so brave, just sounded like a scared little boy. Vin couldn't listen to any more. He moved away from the boy, closer to his horse. He rested his head on the paint pony's withers, thinking on what the boy said and didn't say. It was no use, his mind wouldn't work now that he wanted it to.

They went on the move, then, seemingly without any destination. Usually Loch would prattle on about his plans but he was quiet and that worried Vin. He hadn't worried about much the past couple of weeks, just pretended he was made of stone, most times. He lived a full life inside his head, didn't matter what was going on in the world he didn't want to be a part of.

Kid clinging to his back as they rode up higher into the mountains, on the Mexican side and Vin couldn't get back into his own head. Hands wrapped around him, the light weight of the boy against his back... it kept him rooted in this world when he'd rather be in another.

They made camp high in the Sierra Del Carmen, no signs of any other people anywhere. They lived in their own world, in Loch's world. Boy was smart enough to stay out of Loch's reach, most times. Had a wariness to him that kept him from getting beat too often. 

And Loch was in a good mood, for the few days they traveled. Money in his pocket and two people completely under his control, as Vin saw it. Weren't much else Loch needed in the world.

Camp made, dinner eaten and Vin settled in for the night, shackled hand and foot. Loch watched him from across the fire, eyes glittering in the firelight. Felt like a storm was brewing, wouldn't be comfortable getting wet if Loch staked him out again. 

"Daniel, come over here," Loch called, not taking his eyes off Vin's. "Now, boy," he said, louder, when Daniel made no move to leave Vin's side.

"No," Daniel said, voice hard and resolute. 

Boy must have been doing some thinking of his own. Vin tried to make the world fade away but he'd lost the ability, seemed like. Vin shifted so he blocked Daniel with his body. Kid made him ashamed, made him feel like a coward. He would die before he just drifted off and let Loch do what he was planning to do to the boy.

Loch got to his feet, taking his time about it. Vin climbed to his feet, too. He would die on his feet, he decided, then and there. 

"I'm not going to hurt you, Daniel," Loch said, shaking his head. "You have value. I thought you were smart enough to know that."

"I'm smart enough to know when someone's plumb loco," Daniel said, moving out from behind Vin. "If I was bigger, I'd put you down like a rabid dog."

Loch laughed, then. He turned his back on them and Vin gave the boy a shove backward, telling him to run. 

Instead, he moved toward Loch.

The bounty hunter met him, towering over him. He held a rope and a leather strap in his hands, a wide smile making his features look crazy in the glow of the firelight. Vin could almost see the evil that lived in Loch's spirit, a trick of the firelight, he knew, but enough to move him into action. 

The kid dodged out of range of Loch, keeping the fire between them. Vin tried to help, but he couldn't move too fast. It went on forever, it seemed like, the strange dance the three of them did and Loch looked crazier each passing second. 

Finally, he used the rope to lasso the kid by the neck and the kid fought like a crazed cougar, sending Loch into near madness. Before Vin could get close enough to be any kind of use, Loch snapped Daniel's thin neck, the crack of the bones louder than anything Vin had ever heard in his life. He fell to his knees by the body. The rope, still wrapped around Daniel's neck, the ends over his chest, like a funeral wreath over his heart.

Vin went after Loch then, he couldn't not. Too much pain, too much death, he was ready to die too. He knew then why Daniel hadn't seemed too concerned, he'd orchestrated his own death. Gave Vin hope he could push Loch into killing him too.

"I knew that boy would bring you back to life, Tanner!" Loch yelled as he and Vin fought. Vin knew he stood no chance of winning; he would win by dying.

Vin fought until he had no strength left in him. He fought as dirty as he knew how, drawing Loch's blood with his teeth and with his nails. He didn't find a merciful death, he wouldn't be allowed even that, it seemed. Loch, worked into a frenzy by Vin's fight, ripped his clothes off him while Vin still fought. 

Loch chanted, "That's it, that's it," while he took Vin, chanted "fight me, fight me," while he ripped him apart from the inside. 

Vin still had some fight in him, he surprised himself. He used the back of his head to smash Loch's face while the man fucked him. It only made Loch fuck him harder. Made him hit him, too. Punches, bites, all while he was deep inside him, invading him, like he'd planned to do all along, Vin knew. He'd finally given Loch the fight he'd wanted. 

The pain of being branded was like nothing Vin had ever felt in his life. He wasn't sure if he screamed or not, but he probably did, the way Loch went at him again. Nothing like a man's screams to bring Loch up hard. 

Vin fought him some more, maybe Loch would kill him now, now that he'd done what he'd been planning to do all along. Loch dragged him across the camp by the hair and one arm and Vin wasn't done fighting just yet. Took Loch a good long while to get Vin shackled and staked out, face down in the dirt, spread eagle. Vin waited for another assault but it didn't come. 

Loch settled in by his head, a long while later and stroked his hair. Vin didn't flinch, didn't even move. 

"That was wonderful. I knew you'd be worth the wait. We're going to have to find you another little pet, if that's what it takes to keep you from hiding inside this head of yours," Loch said softly, almost sweetly, like he was sharing his bed with a lover. Vin finally passed out, from pain or loss of blood, he didn't know.

When he came to, Loch had their camp packed and Vin was loose from his chains. Loch was all smiles, happy to give Vin the help he needed mounting up. Daniel's body lay out in the open, dead blue eyes staring up at a sky the same color blue. Vin nearly started to bawling then, nearly begged Loch to kill him. Instead, he decided he'd find a way to kill himself. He couldn't live another day knowing he'd been the cause of another boy's death. Loch would keep bringing more of them into this game he was locked in with Vin, until Vin would have an army of spirits following him around, accusing. 

He couldn't sit his horse without sharp, stinging pain all throughout his body. The worst of it centered in his shoulder, where he now carried Loch's mark. Where he would carry it the rest of his life. They headed down the narrow mountain trail. By midmorning, the rain clouds had rolled in. By early afternoon, the sky opened, letting loose hail that pelted them. Vin didn't hide from it. He wanted the pain. He deserved it. He was the worst kind of coward, putting up with so much to avoid death. He had thought before, that if he lived, he would win. Outlasting Loch had been his plan and he'd been wrong. So very wrong. As long as Vin still breathed, Loch won. And every person he came in contact with lost.

High in the mountains, Vin made his decision. Loch had unchained him, when the horses started losing their footing. He knew Vin was in no kind of physical shape to make a break for it. If he wanted to live-- which he didn't.

The trail dropped off sharply to his left and Vin's body made the choice before his mind did. He leapt from his horse, soared through the air. He felt like he was flying, felt like he was free. He imagined he'd sail on into the sky, like Hawk, never to come back to earth.

*****

Pain for pain, flesh for flesh, Vin'd done all he could to set things right. Eyes closed, legs crossed, he sat perfectly still in front of the fire, letting the smoke drift over his face now and then. He hoped the spirits felt that justice had finally been served, and he chanted softly for them to know it and be at peace.

The blood of their tormenter had long dried on Vin's skin, and he knew flakes of it would soon fly away in the faint breeze. The symbols would be visible for some time, though, he was sure. The arrows on his chest gave strength to the spirits of Loch's victims, meaning that together they could keep Loch spiritless forever. Each bloody hand print on Vin's body represented a scar, a pain Loch had inflicted. Vin's body was covered with them, so much that there wasn't hardly room for the arrows. Vin had smeared more of those on his face, just to be certain. He was pretty sure the spirits were pleased that it was finally done.

Listening intently for them to give him a sign, Vin continued chanting. At last, he heard the hooves of the spirits. Sun was high in the sky, damn near setting, and Vin was facing the West, so he had to squint hard. Blood caked around his eyes made it hard to pry 'em open anyway. But hazy as his vision was, he saw the spirits. Michael, James and Matthew.

"Where's Daniel? His spirit didn't make it?"

The other three looked at each other, then back at Vin. They didn't answer him, though. Vin closed his eyes and chanted harder. Daniel just needed him to try harder is all, Vin figured. He kept chanting, willing Daniel to hear him, to know that it was finally over and that he could walk with his spirit brothers in safety now. Vin shoulda known that Daniel would be the most suspicious, the one to have the hardest time believing that he could be at peace without worries about the monster. Vin'd just have to convince him.

Lost in the ritual, Vin almost didn't hear one of the spirits speak. "Uh, whatcha doin sitting there like that, pard?"

Vin kept his eyes closed. He had to concentrate. "Cleansing the world of his spirit. Gettin' rid of all that evil. Don't worry none, he won't be back."

"Ah, well, you just cleanse-away, Vin. We'll just poke around a minute."

Vin nodded, still chanting. Little by little, the sense of Michael, James and Matthew's spirits started to fade. It was time, Vin knew. They were ready to say goodbye to all this and walk the world that was theirs now. He still couldn't feel Daniel though, and it nearly broke Vin's heart. Maybe he just needed a little more time, Vin thought. He was disappointed, and a mite worried, that maybe there was something else he had to do in order for Daniel to move on. He'd figure out what it was, one way or another.

He slowed his chanting as he became aware of movement around his little camp. He pried his eyes open again, surprised but happy to find Chris standing there over him. Even if Chris was looking a little green around the gills, he was still the best sight Vin'd laid eyes on in a while.

Chris looked a little spooked, the more Vin thought on it. He squatted next to him, though and stared him in the eyes. "Vin? You here, now?"

Vin cocked his head, confused. "I ain't in Frisco."

Chris sighed, glanced over at Loch, then back at him. "What happened here?"

Vin shrugged. "I gave back to him everything he done to others. Every cut, every bruise. I'd do it again, too."

Chris nodded at him. "I reckon you would."

It was a little odd, having Chris here just as he was finishing up this ritual. He wasn't so sure he'd quite left that spirit world, and so everything seemed a little off-balance. Chris' presense was always welcome though, no matter what world Vin walked in.

Vin wasn't quite sure when it'd happened, but Chris had coaxed him to his feet. They were headed towards the little creek just beyond the tree, he realized. Turning his head a little, Vin caught sight of Ezra. He was leaning over the dried up tree trunk Vin'd used to set aside some of his war prizes. Ezra picked one up, looking at it funny.

"Good lord," Ezra muttered then looked away and lurched. He threw up but good, Vin saw.

"Them teeth of his can't bite you if'n they ain't in his mouth, you know." Vin shook his head and rolled his eyes before following Chris' tugging on his arm. "That man needs to get out of the saloon more."

"I suppose he does," Chris replied, though he didn't sound quite normal.

"Chris?" Vin said, realizing how drained he felt now that they were at the creek. "He had every bit of it coming."

"I believe you."

"If I gotta hang for it, well that's the way it is. Some things just need to be done. Some things are worth hanging for," Vin said, meaning every word. 

"You aren't going to hang, Vin. I won't let that happen."

The fog lifted, just a little, looking into Chris' eyes. Vin batted away Chris' hand. "Leave 'em," he said as Chris tried to wash the symbols from his face. "They still got work to do."

"How about the rest of you? Can we get some of that blood off you? You're drawing flies."

Flies? What was Chris goin on about? He let Chris get some of the markings off the rest of his body, but didn't do much in the ways of helping. He was still caught between two worlds and he didn't know if he was ready for Chris to drag him back to this one yet. And he would too. If there were a man alive with both feet planted deeper in this world than Chris Larabee, Vin hadn't met him yet. Chris probably didn't even know about the spirit world, he surely didn't give a damn about it.

"I found your clothes and things," Chris said, holding out Vin's britches. It was near dark, now, Vin lost time, again. He hadn't lost time like this since he came out of the desert.

Vin took his pants and shirt, but made no move to put them on. He wasn't ready to go home. It felt like he should mark this day, more, somehow. Maybe if he asked Chris to cut out the scar on his shoulder? But if he asked, then Chris would feel he had a right to the story. Fair's fair, Vin knew and Chris wasn't nothing if he weren't fair. It was like he kept a little balance sheet in his head, sometimes. He didn't always understand Chris, but he would do anything for him. 

"You ready to head out of here?" Chris asked him, after he'd helped him into his clothes and Vin tried to get both feet fully into the world he shared with Chris. Being dressed helped some.

"Almost," Vin said, "one more thing I gotta do."

He could feel Chris following him as he walked back to the last camp he'd ever share with Loch. The monster was gone, Vin saw as he walked up to the pile of flesh that remained behind. He took his time studying it; he wasn't never one to look away from his actions. He knelt next to what was left and picked up the big Bowie knife he'd left with the body.

He felt the weight of it, but it had lost it's magic. It was only leather and steel now. He reached out, to take a talisman, ready to slice off a piece of ear when a hand on his arm stopped him.

"Don't do that," Chris said, right in his ear.

"Need to," Vin said, but didn't shake off Chris' arm.

"Don't," Chris said, in a voice meant to stop any arguments. "Keep the knife. That'll do, won't it?"

Vin gave it some thought... it might do at that. He took one last long look at the body, saw something he didn't remember doing. Loch hadn't believed him when he said he'd make a necklace out of his entrails. Loch wasn't the only one didn't make idle threats.

"Happy birthday," Vin whispered as he stood to take his place by Chris.

"Jesus, Vin," Chris said, voice low and strained, "you pick now to remember?"

Remember what, Vin almost asked, but then it hit him... it must be Friday... the fight with Chris sending him to town, setting him on Loch's trail. It was a strange thing, the two men with the biggest influence on his adult life, sharing a birthday... he might have to ask his grandpa about that, next time he saw him. Vin almost panicked, then. What if now that he took care of the monster, his grandfather didn't visit him again? All the energy drained out of Vin then, he could feel it leave him in a rush. He would have fallen where he stood, if Chris hadn't grabbed ahold of his elbow, keeping him upright.

"Let's get you home," Chris whispered, too low for Buck and Ezra to hear.

Vin nodded, let Chris lead him to his horse. He needed help to mount and didn't that make him feel like a fool. 

Vin could see Chris talking to Buck, could hear the low tones of their hushed voices, but couldn't make out their words. He couldn't make out their words if they was standing right next to him. Home sounded real good about now.

"Oh, dear Lord," Ezra nearly shouted. "Those aren't his...," Ezra must of had a big lunch or something, the amount of vomit came out of him. Vin watched, feeling like he wasn't part of this world again until he felt Chris mount behind him.

"I can ride a horse, Larabee."

"Maybe I'm the one needs something to hold onto."

Vin figured he'd give him his way, since it was his birthday and all.  
>


	7. Chapter Seven

*****

Vin lay awake staring at the rough-hewn ceiling for what seemed like hours. He'd washed off the rest of the symbols when he arrived home and he allowed Chris to steer him to their bed. He wasn't tired, but it was late, or early morning, rather and it seemed like Chris needed to do something for him. 

He listened to the sounds of Chris cooking up some food. The clink of a spoon against the iron pot seemed too loud. His senses were back, he wasn't walking between two worlds any more, and he felt hyper-alert. He couldn't blame Chris for thinking he needed to go to bed, he'd ridden slumped against him the entire ride home. Vin was never more grateful for Chris' quiet nature than he'd been during that long ride.

No matter that he'd found his balance years before, he could admit the last few days had unsettled him. He'd find his balance again, quick, he knew. It would be so much easier this time.

He felt the dawn approaching, more than saw it. A few early-rising birds called in the dark, but otherwise, it was quiet outside. The heat of the day still lingered, as it tended to do in mid-summer. It wasn't Chris' birthday anymore and for some reason, he felt like he might have let Chris down. He never even bought him that present. His mind went to the money Ezra had given him, wondering what happened to it. Was probably in his pants, where he'd left it. Ezra would probably want it back, since Vin hadn't stuck around to cover for him. 

He rolled onto his stomach, arm under his pillow, and drew the light sheet down until it only covered his legs and rear. He lay in bed naked, needing to be free of any restrictions on his person, for now. He wondered how long he should lay there, to make Chris feel better. If he showed any sign of being disturbed, Chris might get skittish and he didn't want that. He wanted his world to be the way it had been on Tuesday, before he heard that name. He wished the others hadn't come after him, wished he had a little more time alone with what was left of the monster. 

Vin heard the clomp of horse's hooves while the rider was still about a half-mile out, the sound echoing in the pre-dawn stillness. The little hitch in the gait gave the rider away as Buck, Buck's big grey mare getting on in years. Buck should think about retiring the old girl but it weren't Vin's call and he knew it. Maybe him and Chris could gift Buck a new horse, once they got more established. They could even let the gray mare pasture out at their place. 

It weren't no use, he couldn't sleep. He'd give Buck time enough to get to the house, then join them for the coffee Chris was sure to put on. Then he could sit on the porch with his friends and greet the new day. He loved to greet the sun, loved meeting each new morning, grateful for each and every new day he saw rise up. Chris built some comfortable rockers and each morning, Vin rose and started the coffee, Chris meeting him in time to say howdy to the day. Chris grumped some, especially if he'd had a late night, but he was there almost every morning, feet up, face turned to the rising sun.

Vin let out a sigh, then. He wanted everything to be normal. Wished for it in the worst way. He wanted Chris to be normal, he wanted Buck to be normal, he wanted Ezra to forget what he'd seen. Chris and Buck might understand, just a bit, but Ezra probably would be skittish around him for some time. 

Buck's long steps clomping across the porch and Vin decided to lay abed awhile longer. He wasn't hiding, he was pondering. He almost had himself convinced when the quiet voices started up. He made his body rise, more difficult than he thought it would be, and went to the doorway, staying just to the side so Chris and Buck wouldn't notice his bare feet hiding behind the blanket that covered the doorway.

He heard a chair scrape across the floor and imagined Buck sitting backward, leaning against the back of the chair. More clinking of metal on metal and he couldn't imagine what Chris could be cooking this hour of the day.

"Keep your voice down," Chris nearly whispered before Buck said anything.

"He asleep?"

"He was last time I checked, about an hour ago," Chris said, another chair scraping across the floor and then creaking as Chris settled into it. Cups hitting the table, but Vin couldn't smell the coffee yet. 

"Me and Ez took care of the body," Buck said, voice soft, for him anyways.

"How?"

"Burned. Figured it was the best way. Ezra's got his things, said he'd get rid of them."

"I don't want him selling any of it. Nothing of that man can trace back to Four Corners, Buck."

"Ezra's smart enough to know that, Chris."

Vin wondered what things Ezra held onto. Loch had a whole treasure trove of things he kept as keepsakes, that which he didn't sell. 

"JD needs to erase that entry in his book, too."

"JD ain't getting involved in this Chris," Buck hissed, voice rising a little. "Ezra and Nathan are in deep already, and I ain't gonna put JD in the middle of it."

"I'll take care of it," Chris said.

Silence and Vin thought about joining them as Chris served up coffee. He should go out there and face his friends, but he just weren't sure he could, yet. 

"You all right with this, Buck?" Chris asked, soft and so low Vin had to strain to hear him.

"No, but not for the reason you think. Chris... I did what you said. Me and Nate dug up Nelson's body."

Vin nearly cringed at that. Looked like he wouldn't have a choice in the others knowing why he'd done what he'd done. He nearly went back to bed then and pulled the covers over his head. He didn't know what kept him listening in the shadows.

"And?" Chris asked, his voice even more faint. Stirring, clinking and Vin pictured Chris at the stove, cooking up a pot of stew. He could smell it now, almost made his stomach rumble, giving him away. He hadn't ate in too long and he knew his stomach would be heard out to the corral if it rumbled.

"Chris," Buck's voice broke on the word and Vin didn't want to know what Buck found, but he still didn't move away. "Nelson was a hothead and I wanted him to hang for killin Katy like he did, but he didn't deserve what that animal did to him."

"Just tell me, Buck," Chris said after he let out a sigh.

"Just lookin at him, a person'd have no idea what all was done to him. With his clothes on, all you could see was rope burns on his wrists and ankles and some bruising to his face. Nothing you wouldn't expect to see on a man intent on not being brought in for trial."

"And when you looked closer?"

"I puked all over Nathan."

Silence then and Vin imagined them sipping on their coffee. He wanted some coffee too, but he wanted to know where he stood with the others, more. 

"Chris, he'd started to stink something awful, was starting to turn black, but the things done to that boy were still plain as day. He'd been torn apart, down below, if you get my meaning."

"Raped?" Chris asked.

"Oh yeah, and more than once. Nathan said some of the bruising and tears were part healed. If that's all that was done to him... well, I might have thought it was justice, seeing what he did to that working girl."

"Man hadn't had a trial, Buck," Chris said calmly, too calm in Vin's view.

"That bounty hunter didn't get no trial, either and we know he was guilty, just like Nelson was."

"I need to know what else you found, Buck."

"Anything I tell you going to change the fact we're covering up a murder? The things done to Nelson... well, if that bounty hunter did them things to Vin... I don't think the judge would even try him."

"You aren't serious, taking this to Travis," Chris asked, his voice rising. "I'm not taking that chance with Vin's life. Travis wouldn't be able to pretend he didn't know about the murder charge against Vin back in Texas if this got out, Buck."

"I know, Chris, but you didn't see Nelson. Vin did the world a favor, pard."

Damn straight, Vin nearly shouted from his hiding place. He almost stepped out, then, to keep Buck from telling Chris any more. To keep Buck from saying the words *he* didn't want to hear.

"Vin got any strange scars on him, place people aren't likely to see?" Buck asked.

Silence and Vin could imagine the look on Chris' face. What did Buck think he was doing, asking Chris a personal question like that...

"Uhm... I mean... uhm... maybe up on his shoulder? Now that I think on it, I ain't never seen him without at least an undershirt on. Night before all this started, he drew his curtain at the bathhouse," Buck's back-peddling would have been funny to see and Vin kept his chuckle contained. Those two men had the strangest relationship, one Vin didn't always understand. Must have been what it was like to have a brother.

"What else?" Chris asked, ignoring Buck's question, like Chris did when he weren't in a mood to answer.

Maybe letting the two of them gossip like a couple of women would be the easiest way to handle things, Vin decided. It meant he wouldn't have to spill his guts. Chris wouldn't question him, like he had the right to, if'n he got all the answers he needed from Buck.

"Man was tortured, Chris. Ain't any other way to put it. His thighs was all cut up and his backside had been whipped raw. Bruises on his hips, on his back..." Buck went silent then and Vin didn't expect much more out of him.

"That it?" Chris asked and Vin felt his anger rise. Balance, he needed his balance... 

"You're gonna make me say it, ain't you?" Buck's voice rose, sounded like Buck needed his balance, too.

"I need to know, Buck."

"Why? You made up your mind that man got what he deserved the second you saw Vin sitting there covered in his blood. You don't need to know!"

Silence again and Vin couldn't understand why Chris needed to know anymore. Wasn't like him at all to pry like he was doing. 

"Fine, fine. I ain't gonna pretend to understand you, Chris. Nelson had cigar burns all over him. Only places no one would look though. Mostly all over his balls and inside his thighs. You happy now you know?" Buck's voice pitched high and nearly shouting. Chris would know those other things weren't done to him... Loch must have gotten worse over time. Vin never saw him burn a man like that... he didn't need the picture in his head, neither. Maybe listening to other people's talk hadn't been such a good idea.

He moved silently, toward the bed and thought he heard Chris' voice, as he settled back on his stomach. "I ain't happy at all, Buck and I'd imagine I'm not the only one."

Light, seeping in through Vin's closed eyes and he felt someone at the door more than heard them. The blanket drawn back must have let in the lamplight from the main room. Vin pretended he still slept, not quite ready for the pity he knew he'd see in Buck's eyes. Chris would hide it, probably be shooting green fire out of them eyes of his, but Chris used anger to mask everything else he felt. 

"Shhh..." Chris whispered. "He hasn't moved all night. Would you recognize that mark you saw on Nelson's shoulder?"

"I'll never forget it, pard," Buck whispered.

The air moved in the small bedroom alcove and it took Vin all he had to not draw the sheet up over his back.

"That it?" Chris asked, his voice hard.

"Yeah," Buck answered. "Guess that settles it. He's sleeping the Sleep of the Just, ain't he?"

"I ain't asleep," Vin called out. "You two church ladies done talking about me, yet?" Vin rolled over and stared up at them, kept his face blank. 

"Taking care of loose ends, pard," Buck said, face breaking out into a fake smile. 

"You heard everything?" Chris asked him.

Vin nodded and kept his eyes locked with Chris', willing him to let it drop.

"Good," Chris said, stepping back into the main part of the cabin. "Since you're awake, get your hide out of bed and come have some food and coffee."

Vin watched them leave the room, absolutely not dragging his hide out of bed until he was sure they were settled back in at the table. He took his time getting dressed, thinking on how much he owed them of the truth and how much he could keep to himself. 

Coffee waited for him and he took the chair next to Chris, without looking at either of them. "I'd imagine you got some questions for me," Vin said softly, staring into his coffee.

"The most important question is, is anyone going to miss Loch when he doesn't turn up?" Chris asked.

Vin thought on it some. "No," he said. "At least I don't think so. He knew a lot of people, people who were blind to his real character, but he didn't have no one would notice if he never showed up again. Leastways, that's how it was six years ago. I don't imagine that would've changed."

"Good," Chris said as he rose from the table. "That makes things easier." Chris pulled out some bowls and served some of his stew. He took his time getting things laid out on the table, then finally took a seat.

They ate in silence, Vin helping himself to seconds once his bowl was empty. He was starved, he could eat a whole pot of stew and Chris was one fine cook. He took his time with his second bowl, Chris and Buck long since finished eating. He wanted to think on his words before he said them. He knew they watched him, wondered if they judged him. He didn't think so. He wanted them to understand, but even if they didn't, he had no problem with his own actions. None at all.

"I know I owe you some words about this," Vin said, staring into his empty bowl. "I got y'all involved and for that you're due an explanation. If I was thinking straight, I wouldn't have let you see any of that. And not because I'm ashamed of my actions, 'cause I ain't." He looked at them then, wanted to let them know he meant every word. Buck dropped his eyes when Vin stared into them, but Chris met him, stare for stare. Chris believed him, Vin knew, but he didn't know how he felt about that.

"Vin, you don't need to--"

"Quiet, Bucklin, please. I ain't got it in me to say this more than once and I don't owe you parts you got no business with." 

Vin met Chris' eyes again, was met with a hard stare that Vin couldn't quite read. Chris was pissed, he could see that, but it looked like there might be some hurt lurking in there too. Vin couldn't figure out if it was hurt for him, which he didn't want to think about, or hurt about the whole thing. 

"Easy, Cowboy," Vin said, trying to smile. Always made Chris feel better when he smiled, even if it was only half of one. "I'm thankful for what you and Buck done. But if it comes down to it, I don't expect y'all to get between me and trouble caused by my deeds. I won't go seeking it, but if it comes looking, well, there are some things worth hanging for. I'd give up my life to take that man out of this world and I would make that choice every single time I faced it. Just so's we're clear."

"You will *not* hang, Vin. Not as long as I'm breathing," Chris said, slamming his hand down on the table, making the dishes jump. 

"I'm glad you ain't sorry, Vin," Buck said, leaning forward, elbows on the table. "It'd be mighty hard to live with your actions if you had doubts. But you gotta know that we'll stand behind you on this one."

"You don't have to! If'n you think I'm in the wrong, you gotta follow your conscience, all I'm saying is that I can live with mine. You don't understand... you think you do, but you got no idea!" Vin couldn't sit at that table any more, couldn't bear to look into his friends' faces. What if they thought like Loch, thought that he was the same kind of man that monster was. It'd kill him to lose Chris and it would hurt like hell to lose his other friends, but he'd still make the same choice. It wasn't a choice.

"How long were you with him?" Chris asked softly.

"I ain't gonna tell you this but once and I don't ever want to hear of it after today," Vin said, still facing the wall. "Done is done."

He was met by silence, he didn't turn around, didn't want to see their faces. He wanted them to understand, but he couldn't stand the pity was bound to come his way. It weren't about what Loch did to him, but they wouldn't understand that, he knew.

"He caught me unawares one night while I slept. Bounty'd just been set a few weeks before and I was so intent on catching Eli Joe that I was sloppy. It was three years before I met up with y'all, so going on six years ago, now. He likes boys; he would lure them into running away, had 'em leave notes with their families so no one would go lookin when they turned up missing. I was with him for about six weeks or so... I don't remember exactly how long. He killed four of 'em in that time. Took in three other bounties, too. I reckon you can guess what he done to them fellers, and you'd be right. I couldn't do anything to stop him. I finally threw myself off a cliff to get away. Planned to die. Took nearly a year before I was fit for company, after that."

He turned away from the wall, he needed them to understand but he couldn't figure out why that need was so powerful. "This ain't about what he done to me or what he took from me. It's about them boys he kilt. Only thing he left me with is that scar you two wanted to see so bad." He let out a long breath after that, and surprised himself when it came out ragged. " Only regret I have in any of this is that I didn't do it sooner." 

He stared at them, willing them to keep silent. He didn't think he could say another word, didn't think he could try any harder to make them understand it weren't about him.

"Buck," Chris finally said softly, not taking his eyes from Vin's. "Can you give us some time? I'll come to town in a few days."

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Buck said as he stood. "You take care, Junior. And you keep it in your head that none of us will ever say anything about this. You're right, done is done. As far as I'm concerned, you did what needed doing. Maybe a little uglier than I'd have done, but you know how I feel about ugly."

Vin appreciated Buck's words more than he'd ever be able to say, he thought as he watched Buck ride away. Chris kept his distance and Vin couldn't figure out just what he was up to, what was going on in that head of his. Vin reached for his cup again, but the damned thing wouldn't stay still. Or could be his hand that wouldn't listen to him, shaking so bad he couldn't get hold of his cup. Grounded back in this world again, he shouldn't feel so damned lost, so wrong-footed.

"Vin?" Chris whispered, "Come on, sit."

"I missed your birthday, Chris. I'm sorry," Vin said. He couldn't get a bead on Chris, couldn't get his vision to lock on him, so he stood rooted where he was.

"It's all right, we'll have plenty more," Chris said as he wrapped his arms around Vin, pulling him against him. Felt a hell of a lot better than the belly full of stew, starved as he'd been. Vin had needed this even more than the food, he realized. "You need to know, Vin Tanner, that everything I have in this world is yours. Everything I have to give, every piece of me that is... it's all yours. It ain't much, I know, but it's all I have. You understand that?" Chris asked him, voice close to his ear.

"Can't say as I understand, but I believe it, Chris." He didn't feel like he was gonna end up on his ass any more and he knew he had Chris to thank for it. Chris couldn't give him back what Loch had taken, but it didn't matter none. What he gave Vin was so much more. Vin just didn't know the right words to tell him so. He didn't know what he did to deserve an ornery son of a bitch gunslinger like Chris Larabee, but he was awful grateful for him all the same. And he'd show him how grateful he was, once he didn't feel like he was going to fall down if Chris weren't holding him up.

"Come on, it's still early and I haven't slept in three days," Chris said and Vin nodded. Their bed sounded like a good place to be, about now.

***** 

He could smell the creosote in the air, after the rain. It made him think home like no other smell ever could or would. Bright flowers bloomed as far as the eye could see, the cactus plants doing their part to make the desert come alive after the rain. Vin had no destination, just to keep moving. He was running, he knew that, but where he ran to, he had no idea. He was running from, not to. He'd end up where he'd end up.

He came down from the mountains, a few weeks before, but he couldn't remember much of that time. He kept losing time, he wasn't sure how he knew, he just did. Once, he thought he lost nearly a week, but he had no way of knowing.

He wasn't sleeping, that was for sure. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing things, reliving his time with Loch, watching Loch torture and kill while he was helpless to put a stop to it. 

Vin knew where he was, just north of the Rio Grande, on some of the old Comanche war trails. He knew where the hidden camps were, he knew where the water was, and he knew where he could find one of the sweetest spots in the entire world. He'd realized he'd been aiming for it for some time now, been on the move long enough to have spring turn into summer. 

Some days, he actually made progress, other days, he didn't remember. He'd come back to his senses sometimes in the same spot he'd lost his senses. He was lucky he hadn't been killed by wolf, cougar or even them ornery javelinas that had tusks could gut a man. Maybe that's what he really wanted; he didn't know. 

Each day hotter than the last, the only survival instinct he seemed to have left was to carry water, always enough water. He only ate when he remembered to, and only then when he was able to catch one of the jackrabbits that were everywhere. He had few supplies, things the small band of Comanche had given him, what they could afford to part with. He was happy to travel light.

He tried to gage how far away his destination was, Nine-Point Mesa was a good reference point for him, up to the north and east a ways. If he could make it to where he was headed, maybe he could drag himself out of hell. Or maybe go there for real.

Some days, he knew he was crazy, other days, he weren't quite so sure. He saw people he knew were dead, even when he was sure he was awake. He saw Loch, sometimes, in the bright of day, when his eyes were open. The first few times it happened, he'd tried to kill the apparition. He knew for sure he was crazy then, and it weren't from the heat. He tried to find his words again, when it was just him alone to hear them, but they still wouldn't come.

He must have looked like a wild-man, dressed in just a breech, beard grown in full, chasing apparitions. Sometimes he would see the boys, each on his own and sometimes together. That's when he wanted his words back the most, he wanted to talk to their spirits. He needed to talk to them.

He hadn't really believed in spirits and still wasn't sure if he did or not. It was easier to remember the teachings of his grandfather and believe the apparitions were spirits than it was to think he'd gone loco. Even though he knew he was loco. 

The lengthening of the days was the only way he marked the passage of time. Three moons after he left the tribe, he finally arrived where he wasn't sure he was headed. Agua Fria. His grandpa used to take him here, both before and after his mother passed. It was a natural swimming hole, formed by a cold spring deep under the water. Rocks surrounded the deep water on three sides and they made good sunning rocks, too. Some even had depressions from the bodies of the people who'd enjoyed this spot since time began. As comfortable as any chair Vin'd ever sat in. The white man didn't know about Agua Fria and the tribes couldn't come here any longer. 

It was his, all his. He didn't know why he headed to this spot, just knew it drew him. If he climbed the rocks, he could see for miles in every direction, nothing but desert, some mountains rising out of the earth, scattered here and there. And off on the horizon, Nine-Point Mesa grew out of the earth. There was good hunting up there, Vin knew. But it was at least fifty miles away so he'd have to live on snake and rabbit, if he decided to live.

There were a few natural caves, high on the east side of the rocks and he made himself a camp in one of them. Weren't a real cave, just an open space in the rocks to provide shelter against the rare rain and the ever present heat. But now his journey was over, he had no idea what to do. 

*****

"I know you're awake," the voice in the darkness almost made him jump out of his skin.

Vin didn't answer, pretended he was asleep. He couldn't shake the feeling, the feeling he was still a ghost, living wild. He'd dreamed, he knew. He knew he was in the bed he shared with Chris, knew it in his head. The rest of him was what was having a hard time recognizing it.

"I'm going to talk to you, in case you are awake," Chris said, and Vin felt him roll toward him, not touching him. His touch wouldn't be unwelcome, but in the three days since Vin had killed the monster, Chris had been right miserly with his touches.

"I wish you talked in your sleep, wish you'd let out some of what's bothering you. I can only guess, Vin." Chris sighed then, rolled over onto his back. Vin could feel him behind him, could hear the frustration in his voice. He just didn't know what to do to set Chris' mind at ease. 

"You're not sleeping, you're not eating. I hope you're awake, hope you're listening to me. I'm not trying to push, Vin, I'm not. You know I'm not one to push."

Vin almost gave away he was listening, then. If'n he was in a better frame of mind, he'd be holding his sides, he'd be laughing so hard. No, no, Chris weren't one to push. 

Chris sure did push, but not like most men. He didn't take what wasn't offered, but he made it awful hard to not offer. Man had the strongest Puha of any man Vin'd ever met. Chris might benefit from a little spirit-walk, might know himself a little better, after. 

Chris went quiet then, and Vin listened to him try to settle, try to go back to sleep. Vin didn't sleep again, didn't want to have to live through the lost time again. He had to, he knew, if he was ever to get his balance back. 

He waited until Chris slept again before he crawled out of bed. It was hours to go until dawn, but he couldn't lie there thinking. He didn't want to relive the time before he found the answers he sought. 

Chris joined him a few hours later, didn't even mention breakfast and Vin was grateful. He weren't trying to starve himself. Nothing would sit right in his belly, is all. 

They worked quietly, side by side as they worked on the last of the framing. Vin could lose his thoughts in the physical labor, could concentrate on something other than what was going on inside his head. They'd said a total of four words all morning. 

"Time for a break," Chris called out before the sun was high in the sky. 

They sat on the shade of the porch, sipping water, Chris, at least, studying on how much they'd completed. 

"You up for the boys coming out?" Chris asked around the bread in his mouth, breaking the silence they'd fallen back in to. 

"Barn raising?" Vin asked, glad his words came when he needed them. 

"Buck wants to make a picnic of it, invite the womenfolk, too. Can you handle that?"

"Course I can. I'm fine, Chris."

"Of course you are," Chris said. "Not eating, sleeping or talking means fine in Tanner-speak, I'd forgotten."

"It'll settle, Chris. It will," he turned to face Chris then, meeting his eyes, something he hadn't been doing much of the past few days.

"Why don't you try to nap," Chris said after studying him for a bit. "Too hot to get anything else done for a few more hours."

Chris suggesting a siesta? Was the smart thing to do, in the mid-day in the summer, but Larabee weren't known for accepting nature. Man needed to learn the cloud game. Vin figured he'd teach it to him, one day soon.

"I'm going to town tonight. Arrange the barn raising. You coming?"

Vin didn't know the answer to that question. So he shrugged. He'd make up his mind when the time came.

*****


	8. Chapter Eight

*****

Vin stared up at the sky, watching the clouds. There were few clouds, high in the sky. Didn't feel like any storm was brewing and the clouds were the fluffy lazy clouds, taking their time going somewhere else to drop their rain.

He remembered when he was a boy and he laid in this same spot, his grandfather on his back, too, staring up at the sky. They'd lay there for hours, after swimming. Half under some trees, they could stare up into the sky without blinding themselves.

His grandpa had taught him a game, then. He ought to try it now; it might take his mind off his troubles. He picked one of the clouds. It was a big, fluffy one and he could make out the shape of a rabbit if he squinted a bit. But that wasn't the game. He looked at the whole cloud, let the pattern he found sink back into the whole.

He stared up at it and willed it to disappear. Put all of his concentration into it until there was nothing but him and that cloud in the whole of the world. Hours later, the cloud was gone, but it hadn't broken up, it had moved off with the wind. No matter how much Vin willed it so, that cloud just didn't do what he wanted it to. Hours had passed, with him lying on his back, but it wasn't lost time. For that, Vin was mighty grateful. He stood and stretched, thinking back on some more games his grandpa had taught him. Anything to help him grab hold of his mind and body, get them speaking to each other again. 

Afternoon turned into night and Vin ate. One of his snares caught a Jack and he wouldn't waste the life given up for him. He thanked the big eared critter for the gift and cooked him over a spit. It was hard choking down the food, but he managed to eat a good part of it. After the last of the daylight faded away in a blaze of orange, pink and even some purple over the distant mountains, Vin climbed down and curled up in his little hole. He hoped he wouldn't be disturbed by spirits, but he knew it was a fool's dream, that he'd be allowed that peace.

Morning came without the interruption of sleep and Vin watched the sun rise from his east facing spot. Maybe he'd been going about things all wrong. Maybe he needed to try to talk to the Christian God all them preacher men tried to beat into him. Loch was a white man, like all his prey was, maybe Vin was trying to talk to the wrong spirits.

He tried to remember some of the prayers he'd been forced to learn. He'd made some progress as the day went on, but he didn't feel any change. Didn't feel any different than when he'd sat down, cross-legged, hours before. He gave up, climbing to his feet and scaling the north rocks. A hundred feet above the water, at least, and he wanted that flying feeling back. He'd never dove from these rocks before, last time he'd been to Agua Fria, he'd been too little and the world too big for him to attempt it. 

World was still too big, but these rocks didn't seem quite so high any more. He took a deep breath and dove. He was right, felt like he was flying again. He hit the water, stretched out full like his grandpa used to dive, and he went deep under the surface. Couldn't tell up from down for a bit, but wasn't that just fitting.

He remembered his grandpa's teachings... don't fight it, let your body right itself and then let your head follow. He did it and once he knew which way was up, kicked his way to the surface. He broke the water and gave a loud whoop, he'd dove from them high rocks! 

He climbed up onto the sunning rocks and stretched out, naked. More clouds in the sky today than yesterday and Vin imagined the clouds elsewhere, on their way to him. He played the cloud game again, thinking about how much patience he'd learned since he was a boy. He didn't fidget, didn't even move, became part of the rock he lounged on. Took him a good long while, but he finally got a cloud to break apart at his will. Or maybe he'd just picked the right cloud.

He spent weeks swimming and playing the cloud game, ate whenever something caught in his snares. He tried the Christian God again, but never did get no answer. Or maybe he wasn't listening right. 

Nights were the worst, the time the dead wouldn't leave him alone. Loch mocking, the boys accusing, and now, his great-grandmother's people, crying. He cried along with them, no shame in crying over the loss of an entire people. First disease, then war, famine, hopelessness. No shame in sparing tears over that.

He felt ashamed when he looked into their faces, ashamed the army treated him like a captive and not one of the people. Ashamed he let himself be treated that way. He'd fought them, some, when they separated him from his family. Refused to speak English, earned some beatings when he fought them physically. It took his great-grandmother's sister, the oldest surviving woman in the tribe, yelling at him, telling him to not fight Coyote's gift. Coyote surely was playing a trick on the white man, not letting them recognize Vin for who he was. The people would go on through him and the white man would never destroy them completely while even one of them lived on. 

Vin didn't understand, then. He was just a stupid boy, not yet sixteen, not accepting the wisdom of the old woman. He thought he might understand, now, sitting up on the rocks, remembering. He would go on a healing quest. He would find the gifts of Deer-Person, when first light came, and he would perform the ritual he'd seen but was too young to participate in when he last lived where the gift could be gathered.

*****

"Vin? Vin?"

Vin nearly jumped out of his skin, Chris' voice in the middle of his remembrance of the lost-time. What was Chris doing here? Not that he wouldn't be welcome, but he didn't belong... Vin hadn't even known him back then.

"You coming to town with me?" Chris asked him.

Vin squinted up to see Chris squatting next to him, realized nearly the entire day went by while he lay napping under the tree. Vin got his bearings, looked around the clearing, noticed the wash drying in the sun right off. It weren't laundry day.

"I didn't want to wake you with hammering," Chris said quietly while Vin looked around. "First long sleep you've had in awhile so I thought I'd get the wash done, even though it's your turn. You have the next two turns."

Vin nodded... fair enough. He'd slept all afternoon? He had a hard time, dragging his head back to where he was now, instead of where it was in his dream, but he finally shook off the feelings remembering the lost-time gave him.

"You coming?" Chris asked again and Vin nodded, reaching out to grab hold of Chris' arm and letting Chris pull him to his feet.

His horse was already saddled and ready to go; Vin wasn't quite sure how he felt about that. He noticed the braids were gone from Peso's mane and tail and he wasn't sure how he felt about that either. Hell, who was he foolin'? He didn't know how he felt about anything. Was jist easier not to feel, wasn't it?

They made the ride into Four Corners silently, the rhythm of the horses' hooves giving Vin a sort of peace. They made it to town well before twilight, but it was late enough for the saloon to be crowded, it being summer and the sun setting so late in the day.

They pulled up in front of the saloon, Chris wasting no time, heading toward the batwing doors before Vin had even thought about getting off his horse. The noise from inside was clear, even in the street and Vin didn't want to be there. 

"Going to see JD," Vin called out and kicked Peso back into the street before Chris could answer him.

Everything looked the same as it had nearly a week before; it was him who was different, he knew. He didn't want to be different, he wanted to be the Vin Tanner could stare into a looking-glass and not flinch. 

"Vin," JD called as soon as he stepped into the sheriff's office. "I was wondering when you'd come to town. The way you disappeared last week, we all thought that bounty hunter got you. I wanted to help track you but with Nathan and Josiah out of town, I had to stay here."

"Hey, kid," Vin said once JD took a breath. 

"Want to play checkers?" JD asked.

"Sure," Vin said as he settled into the second chair at the desk.

"I thought you'd be at the saloon with everyone else. I'm waiting on Josiah to come relieve me before I head over there. Casey's out at Nettie's and those two," JD pointed to two sleeping men in the cells, "got liquored up early and started a fight."

Vin let JD's prattling wash over him. He felt normal, playing checkers with JD. Felt good, too. He didn't have to talk much when he spent time with JD, all he had to do was listen and comment once in awhile. JD had a good spirit, full of the optimism of youth, yet he'd seen enough, now, that it was tempered with a healthy dose of reality.

Vin imagined what JD was like as a boy, while they played checkers. He would have been a sweet, innocent thing, if his behavior when he first arrived in town was any kind of measure. 

The room went dark as twilight fell, the shadows lengthening and neither of them bothered lighting the extra lamps, just yet. Vin got a chill, sudden-like and paid more attention to JD and the game. 

A movement in the shadows and Vin froze in place. A man stepped out and Vin knew his outline instantly. Marvin Leroy Loch, peering over JD's shoulder, leering at Vin. No! He nearly shouted aloud. He jumped up, ready to fight, knocking over the checkerboard. 

JD turned his head, up, so he could stare at Vin, standing over him. His neck exposed by the angle of his head and Vin saw Loch reach for him, run his hand smoothly down the edge of JD's throat.

Not real... not real... not real... Vin almost said the words out loud. Loch was dead and his spirit sent elsewhere. He couldn't be here. 

Did Vin imagining JD as a youngster conjure Loch's spirit? He didn't have that kind of power. 

"Vin? You all right?" JD asked him.

Vin didn't answer, couldn't answer. He wasn't loco again, he couldn't be. He came out of that time sane as any man walked the earth. 

"I'm going to get Chris," JD said as he stood, looking a little scared. "Don't go anywhere."

Vin couldn't tear his eyes away from Loch's, didn't even notice JD left until he realized him and Loch were alone except for the sleeping drunks.

Loch smiled, a toothless, bloody smile and Vin nearly bolted. "I would have loved him, wouldn't I?" Loch asked, tricks of the dim lighting stretching his face into something more sinister than it ever was. Loch never looked like a monster when he lived and breathed, only when Vin's mind let him see the spirit underneath the flesh.

Vin's heart pounded in his chest; he wanted to run; he wanted to scream, but he couldn't do any of that. He couldn't move, caught between thinking this might be real or it might be a waking dream. If'n it was real, he'd need to do something about it and if it was a waking dream, well he'd gone back to the other side of crazy again, hadn't he?

He could hear running, coming toward him, down the hollow sidewalks, but he couldn't tear his eyes from Loch's. 

"I don't know what's wrong, Chris," JD said, voice carrying, short of breath.

He felt Chris in the room with him before he saw or heard him, knew he was there because he always knew when Chris was near him. 

"Vin... Vin...," called softly from behind him. Chris waited for an answer, waited patiently, for him anyways, but Vin couldn't talk... forgot how to form words. Chris stepped around him, in front of him, taking up Loch's spot, stepping right through him. Loch faded away, back into the shadows and Vin could finally look at Chris.

"Let's get some air," Chris said, moving toward him slowly, like he might bolt if Chris moved to fast. Vin wasn't sure he wouldn't.

He let Chris turn him around, toward the door, hand at his elbow guiding him.

"We don't need an audience," Chris whispered, pulling him into the alley next to the jail. 

It was nearly dark and shadows filled the alley. He fought Chris' hand then, didn't want to go into the shadows.

"I need a drink," Vin said. He might have lost his mind again, but he didn't lose his words, at least.

"You sure?"

Vin nodded. Crowded, well-lit, noisy saloon actually sounded like the place he needed to be. Loch wouldn't show his face there. And Chris was right good at making him disappear. Strong Puha, Vin told himself again. 

They walked to the saloon in silence, could hear it nearly from the jail, though. Vin lengthened his stride, wanting that drink something awful.

"Go sit," Chris said as soon as they stepped in the doors. A little shove toward their table got him moving and he slipped silently through the crowd.

He nodded to Buck and Josiah, already seated at the table. He took Chris' spot, the corner most seat, needing walls around him. 

Chris was there, soon enough, carrying a whole bottle. Vin eyed it, greedily, grabbed it when it looked like Chris wouldn't be pouring fast enough. 

He downed his first shot, poured another and downed it too. He poured his third and set it in front of him, keeping the bottle, too.

"You gonna share any of that, pard, or do me and Chris need to get our own bottle?"

Vin didn't look at Buck, didn't even make like he heard the man's words. He couldn't get past the feeling in his gut that Loch would show himself again, even in the crowded saloon.

Chris and Buck settled into conversation, but Vin could hear the strain in their voices. He didn't even notice Josiah leave, his seat taken by Ezra when Vin looked up.

Ezra looked away as soon as their eyes met and Vin poured himself another shot. He'd lost count but the bottle was half-empty. Or was that half-full? 

JD had joined them, next time Vin looked up from his glass. He couldn't look at JD just yet and he stood, ready to go. He swayed and the room spun. Didn't take Chris but a second to stand next to him, guiding him by the arm again.

"We're staying at the hotel," he heard Chris say, from a lot further away than he seemed. "Friday all right with everyone?" Chris asked and Vin tried to get his mind to work through the rotgut. Barn raising... that's right.

He tried to say good-bye, he didn't want to mistreat his friends, but words wouldn't come to him. He settled for nodding and the slight motion nearly made his stomach rebel. 

Vin's words came back once they were out in the air, out of the saloon. He walked slow, tried to keep from staggering. Weren't right to be drunk in public like he was. "What day is today?"

"Tuesday," Chris answered, still sounding far away even though Vin could feel him pressed up against him, still helping him find his way down the sidewalk.

He sat on a bench in the lobby while Chris got them a room, making short work of it, Vin grateful for that. He was grateful for a lot, he realized when Chris stood over him, trying to get him back on his feet.

"Sorry," Vin managed to say.

"You've put me to bed too drunk to find my way more than once," Chris said, and Vin nearly lost the thread. That weren't what he was sorry for. He was sorry for being loco... he let it drop, maybe Chris hadn't figured out Vin had lost his mind, yet.

The corridor spun as Chris let go of him to open their door, but he reached back and grabbed Vin by the suspenders just before he fell backward. 

"You gonna puke?" Chris asked after he settled Vin on the bed.

Vin shook his head; he didn't think so. 

"Can you get your clothes off?" 

Vin nodded. He wanted Chris to take his clothes off too, to climb into bed with him, but Chris sat down in the chair next to the bed, after he pulled the chamber pot from under the bed and put it on the floor by Vin's head.

"I'm not going anywhere," Chris said the third time Vin's eyes shot open, looking for him. 

*****

Vin ran through the desert, ran as fast as he could, heart pounding in his chest, breath refusing to come. He couldn't look back, couldn't take the chance they'd be following him!

He ran on and on and on, until his body couldn't take another step. He fell then, breathing fast and hard, heart hammering so hard in his chest he thought it was going to come flying out, ripping it's way free, leaving blood and bone in its wake.

He didn't open his eyes, he couldn't risk it. He'd thought he might see things, before he'd performed the ritual, but he didn't count on seeing them... all of them... so many of them... hundreds of them... most of them he'd never laid eyes on before in his life.

He'd eaten the peyote buttons with first light, hoping he'd find answers he sought. Hoping he might commune with Deer-Person, the creator of all things. The spineless cactus had the power to heal, Vin knew. It had the power to heal body and soul. Vin's body wasn't sick, his body was as healthy as it had ever been in his life. Many jackrabbits volunteered their bodies for his, his traps caught game nearly every day.

He swam frequently, could feel his muscles reforming over his bones. He had sun and water, food and exercise. His body wasn't the problem. His mind refused to settle back where it belonged. It was lost out there and he wanted it back.

He gathered the tools he needed for the ritual, followed all the rules. He didn't know what he'd done wrong, for him to be punished by the spirits like this. He cracked open his eyes. They were gone. The army of young boys wasn't chasing him no more. His heart still hammering in his chest, he sat up, trying to figure where he was. 

His home was miles away, the hills hiding Agua Fria were just specks in the distance. How long had he been running?

He almost didn't go back but he needed to work through what was being shown him, if he hoped to ever return to himself. He weren't no coward even though he fought his own self over that description. If that army of boys were a clue, the way they stared at him, accusing... maybe the spirits were trying to tell him he was a coward.

He limped back to his home; his feet torn to shreds after his barefoot, blind dash through the desert. 

It took him nearly to nightfall to walk the distance. He didn't think the peyote still affected him but he wasn't sure. Everything seemed brighter, his vision better than ever, his ears hearing sounds that he could feel rather than only hear... 

He arrived at his safe spot, his haven in the desert, only to find it taken up by someone else, sitting at a fire, back to him.

Loch! He knew him immediately. Vin fought the instinct to run again... fought the urge to hide. It wouldn't do no good. Loch and the fire disappeared, fading away to nothing as he watched, not able to move toward or away from the vision.

He went to bed, dreams, memories, visions all mixed up in his head until he couldn't breath, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything but let the memories come, each one just as painful as when he'd lived through them.

*****

Hands on him, biting into his shoulders, shaking him and he fought. Fought with everything he had; he'd win this time, he weren't tied up and he weren't helpless!

He struck out blindly, felt his fist connect with flesh, the sound and solidness of the flesh he struck bringing him back to his head instantly. He'd never been able to touch the one he fought before.

He blinked open his eyes. Oh lord, it was happening again... he didn't even know where he was, one minute to the next. The floorboards were rough on his back, even through the layer of his undershirt and Chris crouched next to him, hand held to his bloody nose.

"I guess you owed me one," Chris said, once he realized Vin was there, with him. "Last week... remember?" Chris asked.

Vin nodded, he did remember. Son of a bitch had belted him, twice. His eye still showed the remnants of the bruise, a sickly yellow color making him look even worse.

"Can't blame you for fighting sleep," Chris said as he stood.

How could Chris act so... so... well, *normal*?

"At least you don't make a sound, probably would have sounded like someone was being murdered," Chris said around washing the blood from his face.

Vin still couldn't form words. He was caught between two worlds again, knew which one he belonged in, just couldn't seem to get there.

Chris brought him a glass of water and settled next to him on the floor, not trying to get Vin to move. They sat, side-by-side, against the wood walls for a spell, silently. The lamp burned low and Vin thought about getting up and going back to bed, but the thought of going back to the worst of the lost-time overwhelmed him, made him think he'd never sleep again.

"I'm gonna make you a promise," Chris nearly whispered. "You know I don't make many promises." He went silent again and Vin leaned against him almost without realizing he'd done so. Grey light began to fill the room, chasing away the dark. Chris finally found his words, seemed like. Vin wished he could find his, too.

"I promise you; no one will ever hurt you like that again. I won't let them. I know you'll be fine; I believe it because I know you. Like you said, it just needs time to settle. But I'd see both of us dead before I let someone torture you, just so you know."

Vin nearly wept, then, but it seemed like he had used up all his tears, along with his words. He believed Chris believed his own words and that was good enough for him.

He leaned closer to Chris, dropping his head onto Chris' shoulder. He reached out his hand and was met halfway by Chris' hand. He held on for all he was worth, hoping Chris' strong Puha could keep his mind with his body.

*****

Chris didn't leave his side for the rest of the time they spent in town. They took care of their business, had breakfast with Buck and were back on the road home by midmorning. Chris hadn't said much, his earlier extra words seemed to leave him too. Didn't matter none, he didn't love Chris for his words. Didn't need 'em either. He tried to remember if he'd ever told Chris what he felt for him... he couldn't remember. Seemed like his head wasn't cooperating no matter what he tried to think on.

They rode home at a slow cantor and Peso, at least, was happy for the exercise. It wasn't too hot yet, even though the morning light was harsh on Vin's eyes. He was hung over, felt like shit all over but glad to be headed home. Chris' horse didn't like the pace, the way he kept fighting the bit, and Vin figured maybe he should slow Peso down.

He slowed to a walk, riding right next to Chris. 

"Want to tell me what happened in the jail last night?" Chris asked after a few minutes.

Vin shook his head. What if Chris thought he lost his mind? Seeing apparitions like he'd been doing. 

"Did JD do something to rile you?"

"You know better'n that, Chris."

"You up for some work when we get home?"

"Yup, would probably do me some good," there, he'd admitted there was a problem, let Chris decide what to do with the admission. Hell, it wasn't like he hadn't already figured it out for himself. Vin glanced over at Chris... his nose wasn't swollen too bad. He felt all kinds of sorry for hitting Chris like that, but he didn't know how to tell him so without having to talk about other things. Things he didn't want to tell Chris.

"We've got two days to finish the framing, I think we can do it," Chris said. "We'll have a few weeks to finish the roof and walls, before first frost comes." Chris glanced at him then and Vin knew he was studying him. He just didn't know how to act so Chris would see what he was looking for. "You sure you're all right with having everyone out?"

"It's fine," Vin said, biting back a sigh. "Job needs to be done."

"It'll keep, Vin."

"No, it needs to be done."

Chris pulled up then, coming to a stop in the middle of the trail. "You are more important," he said softly.

How could he make Chris understand what he needed was to feel normal, and preparing for winter was normal. He couldn't say it, though, and admit he thought he was losing his mind. He was too afraid it might be true to say the words out loud.

*****

Vin knew he was dreaming, just couldn't seem to stop it. He was back at Agua Fria, during the time he spent his days eating peyote buttons, if the feelings in his dream body were real. He didn't want to dream about that time, living through it once had been hard enough.

He tried to cry out in his dream, knew Chris would wake him before it got too bad, like he'd been doing. Only, his dream body didn't want to cooperate. He was all kinds of confused, hated what was happening to him.

It weren't fair that he was reliving that time in his dreams. It was bad enough the memories of what he'd endured returned, so clear, after all this time.

He was getting riled now, in his dream. Stomped over to where he'd been performing his rituals each day and threw himself to the ground. His dream self still hadn't found his words, if he had, Vin would be cursing up a storm right about then.

He ate the cactus he'd gathered, used to the foul taste by now, he'd been doing this every single day for at least a week, he figured. He wanted to know what that army of boys wanted, but they hadn't been back since the first time. The boys he knew visited him though; they stared at him, none of them, including Vin, ever saying a word.

If Vin didn't know he was crazy, he wouldn't be doing this every day. But since he was crazy already, there couldn't be any harm in making himself even more loco, like he was doing.

He felt his vision changing, looked around to see the colors brighter and the rocks and plants standing out more, their edges sharper. He listened to the sounds of the desert, able to pick out each sound like it existed on its own. 

He settled into his spot, ready for whoever would visit him this time.

It was nearly dark before Vin noticed he wasn't alone any more. A figure walked toward him, dressed in soft tan britches and a brightly checkered shirt. His long, black hair blew in the wind and he walked up the hill to where Vin sat, taking his own time about doing so.

Grandpa? Vin would have said if he had the words. It *was* his grandfather! He felt a weight lift off him, felt like he might get some answers now. But he didn't seem to get any closer, even though he was still moving. Vin wasn't sure if he wanted to see him, wasn't sure he wanted his grandpa to know what he'd become.

But if grandpa was a spirit, he'd know already. Vin made up his mind to listen to his grandpa. He was the smartest man Vin'd ever met in his life. 

"Grandson," he heard on the wind before his grandpa came to sit next to him, to share his fire. "You're a scrawny thing, ain't you?" his grandpa asked with a laugh.

He studied his grandpa, he hadn't ever got a chance to look on him with adult eyes. Vin had thought all these years that his grandfather was a big man, but he knew he was looking through the eyes of a boy. But looking at him, he saw he *was* a big man. Well over six feet tall with broad, powerful shoulders. 

"You favor your father's mother," his grandpa said. 

Vin wished he could find his words, wished he could tell his grandpa how happy he was to see him. Wished he could ask him things about the spirit world, about his ma and pa, and his great-grandmother, and about the boys Loch had killed. If only he could find his words.

"You have yourself a perfect little hiding place, here, grandson." They locked eyes for a time then and Vin knew his grandfather would be disappointed in him. He didn't try to hide from him though, he would face what he'd become.

"You always were quiet, Vin. You liked to watch and listen before you took action, even when you were a little feller." 

Vin realized his grandpa spoke English to him, he had expected him to speak Shoshone, or maybe Kiowa, but he spoke in English. Vin wasn't sure what to make of that.

"You gonna just sit there and listen?" his grandpa asked, cocking his head to the side, studying Vin some more.

Vin nodded.

"You're in a fine mess, aren't you grandson."

Vin nodded again, looked away from his grandpa's piercing grey eyes. He hadn't misremembered those eyes, so intent on everything they looked upon, like the man looking through them could see more than other people did.

"Well, what are we going to do about it, then," he asked once Vin met his eyes again.

Vin shrugged. That's what *he* wanted to know.

"First, we chant," grandpa said. Grandpa closed his eyes and started chanting. He opened one eye after a few minutes, looking at Vin, stopping his chant. "Well?" he asked.

Vin closed his eyes then and chanted too, even though he knew it was only inside his head.

His grandfather's deep voice joined his voice, inside his mind, and together they chanted. Hours went by, but Vin took no notice. His mind felt like it was at peace for the first time in too long. When Vin finally finished his chant, the sun had already set. His grandpa was gone, but he didn't feel alone in the world any more.

He would continue the rituals, see what came. It was either that or die and Vin realized he didn't want to die anymore.

*****

Vin felt rested, when he opened his eyes. Chris' spot was empty and cold; he must have been up for hours. Sun was up, too, Vin noticed after a moment. He wasted no time, getting out of bed and heading to the main room. They had things to do if they were going to be ready to raise a barn the next day.

He pulled up short when he walked through the doorway; Chris sat at the table, already dressed, sipping his coffee and with his head in a book.

"Morning," Vin said softly.

Chris nodded to him and pointed at the mug and plate set out for Vin. "I didn't want to wake you."

"You would have let me sleep all day?"

"Maybe not all day," Chris said, giving him a smile. 

Vin missed that smile; he hadn't seen it in days. He wanted to kiss Chris then, wasn't too sure if his touch would be welcome. 

"Have a seat. You hungry?"

Vin nodded. He was hungry. He didn't feel jumpy, didn't feel like he didn't belong in his own skin. 

They worked hard all day, finishing the framing for the outer walls and the stalls by mid-day. Vin thought about his dream while he worked, thought back to the lost-time, tried to remember if it really happened like that. 

It had. He'd been reliving that time, in his dreams. It took a year the last time, for all this to settle, but he spent the final six months of that year chanting with his grandpa. In less than a week, he'd already relived the first half of the year. For the first time since he heard Loch's name, unlocking all he had worked so hard to forget, he had hope.

Still felt on the edge of loco, but he'd come back from there before. He knew he would again.

He hunted for their dinner, offered to cook it, too. Maybe he couldn't do stews and such like Chris could, but he was good at making a critter taste good. He let Chris make the bread, Chris was good at pan bread. He'd sleep outside tonight, he decided as they ate their meal over the open fire.

Maybe if he tried to accept what his dreams were trying to show him, like he'd finally accepted what his grandfather tried to show him, well, maybe then he could put all this behind him for good.

*****

His grandpa came again, the next day and the next and every day thereafter. Vin was thankful for the company, whether he was real or not. The first days, all they did was chant, all day. Didn't say any words, didn't move all day. Just sat around the fire Vin kept burning, focused on their ritual chant. It settled Vin's mind, he realized once a few days had passed.

Once his grandpa left to go where ever he went to, Vin still saw the spirits that tormented him. They hadn't gone away like he'd hoped, but he didn't feel quite so crazy when he saw them anymore. 

He continued to swim, each day, continued to set his traps, continued to feed his body, continued watching the sun and moon and stars make their journeys across the sky. Time slowed down, it seemed like to Vin, but he didn't think he lost time in big giant chunks. He didn't wake up and not remember how he'd gotten to where he was when he woke, he didn't come to his senses feeling like he hadn't eaten for days. 

He looked forward to the time he spent with his grandpa, even if he didn't share any stories from the spirit world. It might not be Vin's place to know; he'd have to wait for his grandpa to offer; he couldn't ask.

He thought about a month had passed, since he first sat with his grandpa, but he wasn't too sure. It could have been two months. Time had no meaning, living the life he led. 

He had a hard night, the night before. He heard screams and moans in the wind, and in his mind, he saw Loch torture, again.

He thought he found his balance, thought he was through seeing those things so vividly. When his grandpa showed up, around sunrise, Vin was tired, didn't think he could sit and concentrate for hours at a time.

He ate his breakfast while staring into the fire they shared. 

"You still refusing to speak?" his grandpa asked him while he munched on the pad of a prickly pear.

He felt as prickly as the cactus he ate, before he'd removed the spines. He weren't being stubborn!

"Men in our family are mule-headed, always have been."

Vin finished his prickly pear and popped a sweet bean into his mouth. He found a patch of honey mesquite the day before and pulled a whole passel of the sweet treat. Sure tasted good, sitting in his mouth.

"What if you could forget what you saw? You think you might talk, then? You think you could do more than watch the world turn?"

Vin thought on the question some. Was it even possible for him to forget? Is that what he should try to do? But then who would remember Daniel? Who would kill Loch?

"If you don't shake loose them spirits following you around, you won't ever avenge them. Instead of only thinking about what was lost, maybe you should try thinking about what you gained?"

Maybe loco ran in the family too. Vin almost laughed, then. Gained. Nothing had been gained-- just the notion set his teeth on edge.

"When's the last time you got so riled about anything?" his grandpa asked him and Vin didn't have an answer for that. Only thing he felt for months was lost and crazy, didn't have room for any other feelings.

"I don't feel like chanting today," his grandpa said as he stood and stretched. "You gather some more peyote and I'll come back when you're ready to move forward instead of hiding."

Now Vin was really getting riled. Before he could even think about trying to say anything though, he was alone again. His grandpa didn't return for a full moon cycle. Vin tried to chant on his own, tried to find a little of that peace his grandpa had shown him, but the nights grew worse as the time passed.

He didn't lose ground on the physical healing he'd done, his body was back to taking care of itself. He gave in, finally, to what his grandpa asked him to do. Maybe he were just a little mule-headed. He gathered his medicine, sat back on his hill and waited. When the sun showed itself over the mountains, he ate his treasures and waited some more.

Took another day and a half before his grandpa finally showed hisself. Took another three days before Vin could do what he planned. He tried over and over, just couldn't do it.

Finally, near sunset, after the sky gave its nightly performance, Vin succeeded. 

"Grandpa?" Vin asked, his voice sounding strange to his ears. All scratchy and quiet, like he'd been sucking on cactus spines. "You reckon you can help me get rid of these visions?"

"I knew you'd eventually see sense," his grandpa said, giving him a grin full of mischief and affection.

Took three months of hard work, focusing his mind, performing rituals with the spirit of his grandfather. Every evening, as the sun went to sleep, Vin performed the ritual of The Fire Bird, one traditionally used to rid to rid someone of fever. Vin figured that even if his own particular fever wasn't in his body, it was sure in his mind. His grandpa seemed to think so, and Vin trusted him where he trusted little else.

With the feathers of a crow, Vin fanned himself and flames of the fire, breathing in the smoke deeply, letting it cleanse his memories of the worst of all he'd seen and experienced; not how he felt about it all, just the details that plagued him.

The details, he came to realize when deep in his trances, was what kept him half crazy. He'd never get back the other half of his mind if all he saw when he closed his eyes was the fear on them boys' faces, the bright red of their blood, the trickles of their tears. Didn't seem fair to them that he'd get to forget, much as he wanted to, needed to. So as he cleansed himself, he also made a promise to never sit and watch that kind of torture again. 

It was a bargain he'd made with himself and the spirits; allow the tormented half of his mind the peace of forgetting the worst horrors of it, and in exchange he'd promise to stop new horrors when he could. All he had to do was forget enough to get his mind whole again, but remember enough to keep the promise. With the power of The Fire Bird washing over him in puffs of acrid smoke from the sagebrush sprigs every night, the details at last began to blur.

Eventually, the ghosts started to leave him. It was slow, at first. Loch's face was the first to go. It didn't haunt Vin's mind, awake or asleep any more. Got to be that Vin had trouble picturing his face even when he tried, which wasn't all that often; but Vin had to be sure, so just a couple times, he'd given it a try. 

The screams were the next to go. They went from shrill, gut-wrenching shrieks that tore into his mind, to distant echoes that disappeared in the breeze. After another month or so, those whistles in the wind were merely reminders that someday he'd have to settle unfinished business, when the time was right.

One by one, all the visions and visitors let him be, and though the boys' faces were sad as they blurred, Vin thought maybe he caught a flash of understanding in them, too. They accepted that he couldn't be no help to them. Then one night, the mournful faces faded altogether. It was just him and his grandpa, after that. Vin was still plagued by nightmares, but there weren't no apparitions haunting him. Awake or asleep. 

His grandpa stayed with him though, helped him to focus his mind again, helped him to become part of the earth again, part of the living world. It meant a change in the ritual, one Vin welcomed. Just as his grandpa told him he would, Vin finally found a little patch of tiny Limoncillo flowers. Vin plucked a few from the ground and used them to stain his feathers yellow.

From then on, The Fire Bird ritual picked up at dawn, Vin now using the feathers of The Morning Bird; dark fire of night giving way to the sunlit birth of a new day, and with it, the slow birth of peace.

The nightmares finally left him alone; Vin had found his balance. What he would take away from this time was what was important. No matter what details he made his mind let go of, he never would never let go of the notion that he couldn't just stand by while someone innocent was on the wrong end of trouble. 

He made his vow final, then, made it to his grandpa, to the earth, to himself and to forgotten faces; he would put his life between those up to evil and those who weren't. Was the only way he could keep his bargain; to keep his mind whole and live with all that had happened. Was the only way he knew to bring anything of worth out of this time.

Near on a year after he escaped from living evil, Vin just packed up his camp one day, and headed west. He followed the Rio Grande all the way out of Texas, into the New Mexico Territory. The next two years he roamed, no purpose but to enjoy each day he was gifted with, no needs besides feeding his body and doing what he could, when he could, to make connections with people he met. 

One hot, dusty day he rode into a no account town in the New Mexico territory. Looked like the kind of place he liked. He needed money before he could move on, but the thought entered his mind to stay there awhile. The bounty on his head still bothered him, made him downright fretful sometimes, but he could live with it for the time being.

He took a job at the hardware store, but was thinking about moving on. Until the day some drunken trail hands tried to hang a man for doing the right thing. That day, Vin met the man with the strongest Puha he'd ever felt. Couldn't fight the pull of him, the moment they met eyes across a dusty street. 

*****

Vin woke to those green eyes, watching him. He couldn't give a name to what he felt, then, but it wasn't because he didn't have words; it was because the feeling was just too big. 

"You slept well," a statement, not a question.

He had. He'd relived a year of his life, over the past week, while he dreamed. Weren't half as painful as the first time, neither. 

"I didn't want to disturb you, since you looked like you were sleeping easy. Folks will be here soon."

Vin noticed the light then, noticed things besides Chris, sitting next to him in the meadow where he'd slept. Had to be mid-morning at least. He still felt calm, remembering the feelings he took away from that time. 

Vin took his time getting to his feet, accepted the reaching out arm, let Chris pull him up. It was a good thing the womenfolk were taking care of the food, the way he'd slept the morning away like he'd done.

"You going to say anything?" Chris asked, a little of the worry'd been plaguing his voice the past week slipping back into his words.

Vin stretched big then, getting the kinks out from hours of sleep. 

"Black eye's gone." Chris said, after studying him for a minute. "I wasn't looking forward to explaining myself to Nettie, Raine, and Mary. They wouldn't understand."

Vin understood. Sometimes words were just too hard, sometimes men talked with their fists. He'd been guilty of it a time or two himself. He knew all of the others were guilty of it too. Didn't mean nothing but blowing off a little steam.

"You want something to eat?" Chris asked him.

Vin realized he still hadn't said anything, then. Chris was givin him the skunk eye again, looked like he might think Vin was still loco. 

"M'starved."

"Some biscuits left over from my breakfast, maybe a little honey left in the pot too. I'm going to finish setting up while you get yourself ready for visitors."

Vin watched him go, admiring the view. He stretched again, ran his hand over his jaw and decided a bath and a shave might be a good idea. Last real bath he had was a week before, when Chris helped him get Loch's blood off him.

By the time he returned from the creek, Buck and Chris stood looking over the framing, jawing over something serious. Chris' expression dark and closed, Buck lookin all too serious for his features. Buck weren't normally a serious man, only when he had to be. Vin felt bad for making Buck take a look at some serious things, when he preferred not to. Weren't his right to do that to him.

"Vin," Chris said when Vin joined them.

"Damn, Vin, I'm gonna put a cow-bell on you, one of these days. My heart can't take you sneaking up on me like that."

"Thought the ladies weren't arriving till later," Vin said, let them know he knew they were discussin him again.

"You're real funny, Vin," Buck clapped Vin on the back, shook his head at him. "You're looking better than the last time I saw you. Chris looks like shit though."

"Enough, Buck," Chris nearly growled. "You brought the supplies?"

Buck heaved a big sigh then, faking irritation. Vin could tell the difference, most times. "What do you think I drove a wagon out here for?"

Chris and Buck went off to check supplies and Vin watched them go, not quite sure what he should be doing. Buck started waving his arms in the air and Chris shook his head, like he tended to do around Buck. Nope, Vin would never understand the way those two were around each other. He didn't need to.

Nathan, Raine and Josiah arrived next, then JD, Casey and Nettie, then Mary and Billy Travis. Mrs Potter and her young'uns, Inez with them. Vin had been expecting more people, thought their nearest neighbors and maybe some more of the town-folk would be there too. Maybe he'd misunderstood. 

The women set up the picnic while the men got to work. With six of them, plus the near grown Potter boy, they would have no problem getting the framing up by dark. 

Six. Vin grabbed a piece of bread from the table, earning a swat to his backside from Nettie. He grinned at her as he stuffed the fresh roll into his mouth and backed away from her, nearly running down Buck because he wasn't looking where he was going. "Ezra ain't coming?" he asked Buck, his mouth still working on his stolen bread.

"You know Ezra, Vin. The man ain't to be found in the same place he might be expected to perform manual labor."

That wasn't true, Vin knew. Ezra could be found near manual labor, he just wasn't the one would be doing it. "Suppose you're right," Vin said, not wanting to put Buck between he and Ezra's troubles. 

"Off course I'm right, Junior," Buck boomed out. "I'm always right, just ask Chris." Buck started laughing then, laughed even louder when Chris glared at him from across the way.

Buck always did have a way of making everything seem brighter. It was a rare gift, one he appreciated and one of the things made him so fond of Buck. One of the reasons he tolerated him getting in his business like he did, too. 

Vin lost time in a good way, then, getting lost in the hard work of getting the barn up. He'd never raised a barn before, found he liked swinging around up in the rafters, once the sides were up. Was a good thing he liked it, too, since any one else who tried it turned a little green around the gills. He finished hammering in the crossbeam he'd been working on, jumping to his feet and running the length of it when he finished, just because he felt like it.

JD was at the picnic table, staring at Vin's peach pie, the one Nettie said she made just for him! Weren't gonna happen, JD should get it through his head. That pie was his! He ran the length of the long beam, and slipped off, using a crossbeam as a hand-hold, swinging through the air and jumping to the ground. 

"That is a man with balance," Buck said as Vin raced by him to stop JD from stealing his pie.

Nearly stopped him in his tracks. He knew that wasn't what Buck meant, but he was right all the same. He did have his balance back. 

He got there just in time to stop JD from running off with his pie, giving him his own version of the skunk eye before grabbing the pie tin out of his hands. 

"Nettie made you your favorite, she told me. This one's mine."

"I'll share mine if you share yours," JD said, smiling at him big as he held out his gooseberry pie.

"You got yerself a deal," Vin said, then. Had to be careful around JD, last time he'd picnicked with him, the little sneak ate half his pie while he fished. Weren't gonna happen again.

"You all right, Vin?" JD asked as they both stacked their plates from the food laid out. "You looked like you'd seen a ghost the other night."

"I been feelin poorly, but I'm better now. I appreciate your worry, JD." Vin meant every word. 

Looking around at all his friends gathered, eating their fill, working together, he was awfully grateful for these people. He caught Chris' eye, across the way, and gave him a little nod and a smile. If only Chris was as easy to convince as JD. But JD hadn't seen him at his worst and Chris had. Was only natural for him to worry, a bit. He'd worry too, if Chris was the one acting like a crazy man.

He still felt a little unsettled, like there was something he needed to do, but otherwise, the things plaguing his mind were swept away with his dreams. 

He and JD ate a whole pie each before heading back to work. Vin took the high job again, swinging around the rafters whenever he needed to get from one end of the structure to the other.

He noticed Chris watching him, scowling. Man was in serious need of sleep. 

"Hey, Vin," Buck called up to him awhile later.

"Yeah?" Vin answered around the nail he held in his mouth. He stopped hammering and looked at Buck.

"You think maybe you can take it easy up there? I don't think the ladies signed on to see you falling from the sky and making a mess, splattering your blood all over the picnic."

"Hell, Bucklin, I ain't come close to fallin even once. Ain't but ten feet up or so, even if I did fall, I'd hardly break nothing."

He met Buck's eyes then and followed the path they took, rolling back in his head to motion behind him. Subtle, Buck wasn't. Chris still scowling, Vin took Buck's point. Just because he knew he wouldn't fall didn't mean the others knew it too.

Hell, he felt free up there, felt good getting the work done, felt like he made it through a pretty big scare without losing a piece of himself, like he'd expected to. Gave him a rush of blood, got him all worked up. Hell, he didn't want to give the old folks a heart attack just because he was ten kinds of relieved. He nodded down to Buck. Before he went back to hammering, he made sure he was secure between two cross-beams. 

By the time the sun was near to setting, they'd gotten all of the framing up, including the roof framing. All he and Chris would have to do was the finish work. It would be a big job, getting the roof and insides finished inside of six weeks or so, but he knew they'd finish it. Chris was hell bent on finishing lots of projects and the two of them worked well together, made a lot of progress in a short amount of time, most days.

Josiah started a fire then and the women went to work heating up the supper they'd brought. Most of them planned on spending the night. Nettie and Casey would sleep in the cabin and Inez and Raine would sleep in Vin's wagon. 

Mrs. Potter and Mary each had a wagon of their own, to share with their children. Felt almost like the summer pow-wows Vin had attended as a boy. He got all filled up with that feeling again, the one he couldn't put into words. 

He shook it off and helped with the clean-up. Sooner they got everything put away and dinner ate, the sooner they could lay around the campfire and drink some whiskey. After the women and young'uns went to bed, anyways.

He sat next to Chris, on the ground, once he'd filled his plate, content to eat silently while the many conversations raged around him. Vin couldn't remember the last time the seven of them were together like this before... like a big clan. Only Ezra was missing and he sure was missing out. 

Vin watched for awhile, while he ate, and he knew Chris watched too. Watched him and the others, that pinched, worried look still there if Vin looked close enough. He'd just have to show Chris he felt better. He wouldn't believe the words until he saw Vin acting normal again. It might take him some more time, but he felt normal, just like he'd wanted to.

Vin gave a silent thanks to his grandpa as he ate. He'd helped him find his balance twice now, once in the desert and once in the dream world. 

Vin settled back, arms over his full belly and let the conversation flow around him. Chris did the same next to him. People were starting to make going to bed noises. Vin looked up, realizing he'd dozed when Chris stood over him, his bedroll and Vin's in his arms.

"Thanks," Vin said, taking his bedroll. The others settled around the fire and Buck pulled out a bottle of whiskey, glancing around to make sure all the young'uns were in bed. 

"Homer's still up," Chris said quietly. "I don't think his ma would appreciate you getting him liquored up," Chris said to Buck. 

"Hell, Chris, boy's nearly sixteen. You can't expect him to go to bed with his ma and sister."

Vin looked over to where the Potter boy watched the men, over beyond the other side of the fire. He looked like he wanted to join them, but not sure of his welcome. Vin watched him for a few minutes, unwanted flashes of other boys wanting to be grown more than they were coming to him. Aw, hell, he didn't need to be thinking on that. Done is done, like he'd told Chris and Buck.

He got a chill then, shook it off, but not before Chris noticed. Double hell. Chris hadn't given him the skunk eye since he stopped running around the rafters; he didn't need it aimed in his direction again. 

"C'mon over here, Homer," Buck called out and Vin got another chill, ran up and down his spine like a critter was crawling back there. 

He shifted, then, looked away from the others, especially Chris. Man had a way of knowing what he was thinking without him ever opening his mouth. Sometimes he downright hated that.

"Thanks, Mr. Wilmington, but I'm going to turn in," the boy called. Probably didn't want to risk his ma's wrath. 

Vin settled back in then, tried to get comfortable. Thought about holding out his hand for that bottle of whiskey getting passed around but he didn't want to get drunk again.

"We going to give Chris his birthday gifts now?" JD asked after he took a long pull from the bottle.

Triple hell, he still hadn't gotten anything for Chris. 

"How about we do it another time, JD." Chris said quietly, letting Vin off the hook. Was right nice of him. He'd have to get him something nice to show his appreciation. 

Vin settled down into his bedroll, listened to Josiah and Nathan going on about something they read in the paper. He felt someone watching him and raised his head a little to see who it was. Buck, didn't that just figure. Buck had a silly grin on his face, staring at him and Chris. Damn nosiest man alive, that's what Buck was.

Movement beyond Buck's back and Vin squinted past the fire. Looked like Homer hadn't gone to bed after all. Vin watched him for a minute, took him that long to decide something wasn't right. The boy held back, out of the reach of most of the light. Looked shorter, too. And weren't Homer's hair kind of a reddish-brown color like Ezra's?

Vin sat up a little straighter then, tried to get a better look at what he was seeing. Damn chill was back. It wasn't cold out, never did get much below ninety in the summertime. Made it hard to sleep lots of nights. He pulled his blanket higher, felt Chris shift a little closer to him.

He looked for the Potter boy again, back beyond the fire, but didn't see him. Must have gone to bed. Vin settled down again, felt Chris settle in again too. Man sure was fretful tonight. 

Vin closed his eyes and let the familiar antics of JD and Buck picking at each other wash over him. He let out a little sigh then, content to fall asleep to the sounds of his friends.

He didn't know what woke him, probably Chris, he figured as he laid still and listened. He cracked open an eye and looked around the camp. Fire almost down, house in darkness, the half-finished barn just a shadow across the way. 

Something moved, then, and Vin tried to sort out what it was. Damn chill was back again. A small shadow, moving around... too big to be Billy, too small to be Homer. Vin squinted, he couldn't see too good, each time he tried to draw a bead on the shadow, he lost sight of it.

*****

Vin was the first one awake, come morning. Dawn still just a suggestion, the east sky starting to gray a little, the air still and clean like it was most mornings. Vin loved mornings, each one was a new promise. He moved around quietly, the soft snores of his friends keeping him company while he got the fire back to life. 

Everyone must be plumb wore out, after all the work they did the day before. He made coffee and had it ready just as the sun finally appeared. Vin watched it rise up, listened as everyone started to rouse. Sleeping out like they were, they'd all be up early. This time of year, sunrise was well before five. 

Vin wanted to make breakfast but knew Nettie would be right insulted if he did. He poured a cup of coffee and headed out to the pasture where the horses were enjoying the morning, too. 

That shadow came back as he watched Pony and Peso frolic. They chased each other, showed off a bit for Buck's mare, squabbled over the sweet grass Vin held out to them. He tried to catch the shadow unawares, didn't try to look at it full on. A glimpse of black hair, a laugh he'd only heard but once or twice, caught on the wind. 

Another apparition, he knew. Daniel, he felt. Weren't too sure, but the shadow was the right size and what details he caught glimpses of were about right. Hell. 

He felt Chris next to him more than heard or saw him. Vin was still trying to catch a look at that shadow... thought he might get a chance to talk to the spirit boy, if'n that's what he really was. He didn't worry on it too much. Spirit or imagination, Vin reckoned he just might still have some unfinished business, but he weren't afraid to look at it head on. He knew he could, just like he'd already done. He had his confidence back too, seemed like. 

"Pretty morning," Chris said as he sipped on his coffee.

"Sure is. Boys starting to stir?"

"Nettie's about to take over the fire. If they ain't up yet, they will be soon."

Vin nodded, still watching the horses. 

"We should be finished up by lunch, they'll all clear out then."

"I'm glad for the company," Vin said softly. "It's enough to make a man see all he's got pretty clear, don't you think?"

Chris looked like he wanted to touch him, then, looked like he did when he was ready for a little closeness. Made Vin itch a little; he wanted the same thing. 

"I'd like a little less company right now," Chris sighed out. He downed the rest of his coffee and headed back to the others. 

Vin watched him go... maybe they'd get a chance to share some time alone together, later. But he still couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he'd left undone. 

He noticed the rider up on the ridge while he still tried to capture the unsettled feeling, put a name to it so he could put it to rest. Took him a few seconds to make out who it was. Well, didn't that beat all. Ezra P Standish, up with the sun. Before the sun, to make the ride out and arrive just after sunrise.

He arrived back to where they'd camped the same time Ezra rode in.

"Figures you show up after most of the work is done," Buck grumped at Ezra.

"My timing always has been impeccable."

"There's still work to be done," Josiah said with a smile. 

"I think I'll pass," Ezra drawled. "I came to share the morning meal before I retire for the day.

"Long way to travel for some free grub," Buck said as Ezra dismounted.

Ezra didn't look at him, Vin noticed. But he'd come out to their gathering, even though he wasn't dressed for work. Smelled like he'd spent the night in a smoky saloon, too. 

"I'll put your horse out," Vin said and Ezra did look at him then. Didn't look in his eyes, but he did smile at him as he handed over the reins. It was a start, anyways. 

"I got some money for ya, Ez," Vin called out over his shoulder as he led away Ezra's horse. 

"You keep it," Ezra called out to him. "You can take over my duties at a later date of my choosing."

Vin thought then that maybe the feeling he'd left something undone would leave him, now that he and Ezra got over most of their awkwardness, but it lingered on, throughout the day.

The shadow taunted him, too, still not really showing itself. He kept busy all morning, helped everyone pack, helped Chris clean up and get things righted around the place. Dinner came before he realized the day was gone.

They ate leftovers, they'd be eating them for days. Vin thought they might share a little closeness then, but whenever he gave Chris signals, moved closer to him, looked at him too close, Chris moved away. Chris didn't have his balance back... and Vin didn't know how to give it to him. He was the one caused the trouble, and it didn't look like it was just going to go away. He'd have to be the one to fix it.

He gave up on Chris, for now, and headed on out to the porch to take in some evening air before retiring. His back ached some and he stretched out on the hard floor, trying to find some relief.

Didn't take him long to notice the shadow flitting around. He didn't feel crazy, just a little unsettled. He would have to figure out what he needed to do, before that shadow would go away. He wanted to chase it, to try to talk to the spirit. But what if it wasn't a spirit, only an apparition, conjured by his mind? He'd never get Chris to settle if'n he chased apparitions around.

Chris didn't come out and join him, he'd expected him to. He watched the shadow play some more, couldn't think on what to do to give him peace though. It had to be Daniel. Boy always was the suspicious type. He wouldn't show himself, Vin knew, until Vin had a plan, until Daniel knew Vin would be able to help him.

By the time he turned in, Chris was already in bed, sound asleep. The lamp burning bright, a book folded over his chest. Vin couldn't decide if Chris had waited up for him, or if he'd avoided him. He didn't know how to fix things with Chris, didn't have any idea what Chris needed to stop worrying on him, worrying for him. He knew, looking at Chris' face, pinched even in sleep, that he'd stumbled onto the problem. Chris wouldn't be all right until he was sure Vin was all right. Gave him that feeling again, the one he couldn't put words to. 

A few days later and Chris was still strung tight. Vin'd been getting more worked up as the days passed, too. He still saw the shadow, still went around trying to see it, even when it didn't want to show itself. And Chris still weren't touching him. Maybe he'd thought things were fine just a little too soon. He wished he could tell Chris he was okay, but he didn't think Chris would believe him.

They had two of the outer barn walls up, were working on the other two, working in silence. They'd been silent a lot lately, but not the comfortable silence they often shared; this was an awkward silence, one he didn't know how to put a stop to. Vin quit working, getting a drink and wetting down his bandana to cool his neck.

Damnation! There was that blamed shadow again... and this time, Vin heard whispers on the wind. He would not go back to crazy and that's all there was to it. He wouldn't.

"You all right?" Chris' voice right next to him, quiet and strained. 

He didn't answer, didn't know the answer.

"You've been standing there, staring at nothing, for almost an hour," Chris said, like he was trying to settle a spooked horse.

Hell, he'd lost time. Not again. It couldn't be happening. He wouldn't let it. He'd figure out what he needed to do, he had to.

"I need to do something," Vin said, not looking at Chris, didn't want to see the hurt he was responsible for. 

"How long will you be gone?" Chris asked him, trying to keep his voice neutral, but Vin knew him too well, knew he was hurting for him. 

"Not goin anywhere's, just a few miles away down into the desert. Won't be gone past dinner."

"All right," Chris said, sighing a little. 

"If'n I do need to go somewhere for a spell," Vin said, turning to face Chris, "I won't leave without giving you warning and I won't be gone long. No more'n a week, at the outside."

Chris nodded to him, pretending he understood when Vin *knew* he didn't. At least Chris weren't being difficult. Vin was being difficult enough for the both of them. 

*****

He'd left Peso unsaddled, rode bareback down into the flatland between his home and the town. He and the shadow were going to have it out and that's all there was to it. 

Didn't take him long to find a spot, he'd had one in mind already. Down in a deep arroyo away from any prying eyes on the high ground. He stripped out of his clothes, down to the breech he'd taken to wearing, lately. 

He let Peso roam; he wouldn't go far and he'd return to Vin's whistle. He took care of all the stuff outside his mind and body so he could clear his mind. That's why he couldn't do this at home, too many distractions.

He began by saying a prayer chant, tried to clear his mind, tried to let the answers come to him without forcing them. 

*****

He heard the steady rhythm of the ax long before he cleared the last bend leading home. Chris had his own way of chanting. Oh, Chris may not see swinging that ax until his calluses split as chanting, but Vin knew it was a way to clear his head of things that ate at him. One day he'd let Chris in on it, too. Chris was smart, he'd see it, Vin had no doubt.

He rode up right to where Chris was preparing boards for the walls and leaned forward on his horse's neck, arms crossed, hoping to show Chris that he'd found some of the peace he sought. 

He knew Chris knew he was there. Chris was just being ornery and stubborn and Vin could admit he liked that side of Chris, even when they butted heads because they were both just a mite mule-headed. Kept things interesting. 

"That was fast," Chris said without looking at Vin. He stacked boards, keeping busy, still.

"Told ya I weren't going to be gone long."

"Well, you don't seem to be able to tell the difference between long and short these days."

Ah, there it was. Some of that Larabee temper. Man was showing patience Vin hadn't known he was capable of. He'd been wondering how long it would last. 

"I'm heading out before first light tomorrow," Vin said then. 

Chris didn't answer. Picked up his ax again and started swinging, even though there was a stack of boards as tall as Vin, sittin' there plain as day. Way Chris was going at it, they'd have enough wood for the addition to the house Chris had planned.

Vin waited for a break in the chopping. He had plenty of patience. He could out-wait more than Chris could out-stubborn. 

"You gonna sit up on that horse and stare at me all day?" Chris growled as he threw the ax to the ground and wiped his face with his bandana.

"Nope," Vin said, still leaning forward on his horse's withers. "Jist wondering what other nesting you had planned, what with that pile of boards you got there."

Chris didn't respond to the smart-ass remark, didn't play their normal game, just turned his back on him. Long minutes of silence, then. 

"Are you coming back?" Chris asked, so soft Vin couldn't hardly make out what he'd said. 

Vin stopped playing then, jumped off his horse so fast Peso startled and ran off toward the rest of the herd. 

"What kind of question is that?" Vin asked, right up on Chris' back. 

He thought about spinning him around so he could look him in the eye, but his own black eye'd just healed and he didn't want another one. Didn't want to be forced to take Chris down neither, if he took it into his head to start swinging.

"It's a question I got a right to an answer to!" Chris yelled, spinning around to face him. 

Vin was about to start yelling at Chris, was about to show him just how much offense he'd taken from that question. Only, looking at Chris, he felt all his air rush out of him. Hell, he must still be acting loco for Chris to even think that question.

"Well!" Chris demanded, not giving any ground.

"I was going to head out tonight," Vin said. "Only, I thought we might go to town first because someone needs to check on the place while we're gone."

Chris studied him a minute, his face hard. He turned his back on Vin and stalked off. 

"Larabee?" Vin called out, getting a mite worried about Chris' behavior.

"Got things to do before we head to town, if we're leaving, first thing," Chris called out over his shoulder.

It was a start anyways.

*****


	9. Chapter Nine

*****

They parted ways on the edge of town, Chris headed straight for the saloon. Vin didn't mind; he had a few things to do that he didn't want Chris knowing about. He took care of business first, hiring on Homer Potter to ride out and make sure their horses were taken care of. He'd only need to go out once a day. Vin watched the boy swell with pride as he listened to what Vin wanted. Boy would make a fine man, one day.

That taken care of, he headed out to talk to JD. He really wanted Buck's help, but Chris would probably have Buck cornered, talking about him again. That was all right, though. Chris was so closed-lipped sometimes, would do him some good to turn to Buck. Lord knows, he couldn't turn to Vin right now. Vin didn't know why... but he wouldn't fret on it none. After their trip, Chris would see everything was all right. He'd be back to his close-mouthed, ornery, and hopefully, horny self.

If Chris weren't up to some closeness soon, Vin might just have to goad him into it by picking on his age. That might do it. He didn't understand why Chris avoided his touch, didn't understand why Chris hardly put a hand on him, lately. He'd have to take care of that on this trip too. Might have been a week or so, there, that Vin wasn't thinking about pleasure much himself, but right now, he needed Chris' touch, needed a little relief. Needed some of that closeness.

Vin finished all his business, finishing up by securing a room at the hotel for that night. It would be too dark to ride home by the time Chris was finished at the saloon. They would lose a little time, in the morning, going home and getting ready to be gone a spell, but the way Vin planned to take was out past their ranch. They'd be going that way anyway and would be on the trail early enough in the day.

Vin slipped into the saloon unnoticed, made his way right to the table where Buck and Chris sat before either of them turned their heads his way. He slipped into his seat, next to Chris, and reached for the bottle sitting in the middle of the table. Half gone; looked like the two of them were up to some serious drinking.

"Everything set?" Chris asked him without looking at him.

"Yup. Got us a room at the hotel. Number eight," Vin said, not looking at Chris, neither. "Homer Potter's going to check on the stock, make sure they got enough water and such. I asked him to keep a close eye on the mare. You think she's up for traveling? Maybe take her with us?"

"Since I don't know where we're going, no."

Vin had had about enough. He was trying, least Chris could do was try too. He got up, without finishing his drink, and nodded his goodnight to Buck. Chris knew where he'd be.

Chris stumbled into the hotel room so late Vin wasn't sure he was coming. He woke before Chris could even get the key turned in the lock, but it weren't because he was sleeping light. Chris probably woke half the hotel, dropping the key and missing the lock enough so's that Vin almost got up and opened the door for him.

"You going to be able to ride in the morning?" Vin asked quietly when Chris sat on the bed and pulled off his boots.

"I can hold my liquor just fine," Chris nearly growled. 

Vin nearly went right at him, then. Hell, a drunk Chris wasn't rational, weren't no point in even trying to settle anything with him drunk like that.

Chris left his clothes on when he climbed into bed. He turned his back on Vin and was snoring within a few minutes. Asshole left the lamp burning, too.

*****

Vin waited until he was sure Chris was awake before he tried to talk to him. He weren't going to say this but once. He'd been thoughtful, too, even though the son of a bitch didn't deserve it. He went and got them a pot of coffee, before the sun was even up.

Now that it was, if'n Chris didn't wake on his own soon, Vin would leave him sleeping there and head out. 

Chris woke not too long after Vin returned with the coffee, not saying a word as he relieved himself in the chamber pot. He finally faced Vin, whites of his eyes red, his hair a mess.

He stumbled to the table, slumped into a chair and poured a cup of coffee. It was strong and hot, just he way Chris liked it. Chris drank it black, unsweetened and Vin let him take a couple of sips before he opened his mouth.

He kept his voice quiet, his tone neutral. Took some work, that. "Chris, I got to see something through. You're welcome to come with me, if you're of a mind to. If you don't want to come, you can either stay here and sleep off your drunk, or you can sleep it off back at the cabin. Won't make no nevermind to me. But I got to do this. Whether you come with me or not is up to you." 

Chris just stared at him with those red-rimmed eyes of his.

Vin tried again, "I know what's eating at you and I wish there was something I could do to put your mind at ease."

"You do, huh?" Chris asked softly.

Vin wasn't too sure anymore, the way Chris was looking at him. Chris had him all turned around-- weren't normal and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

"I'll be ready in half an hour, that soon enough?" Chris asked him.

Vin could only nod.

*****

They made it home and back onto the trail faster than Vin thought was even possible. Hadn't said two words to each other, neither. Vin thought he'd known what was eating at Chris, making him so damned ready to snap. He'd thought it was worry that he'd turned crazy, thought it was that Chris didn't trust him no more.

He'd just have to show Chris he was wrong. Saying it wouldn't be enough, he knew. But Chris might think the ritual he wanted to perform was crazy, too. He didn't know what he'd do if it came to that. Didn't have any idea whatsoever.

But he couldn't think about Chris and the trouble flaring between them; he had to think about what he set out to do. He didn't think asking Chris along was the wrong thing to do, before he'd done it, now he weren't too sure.

Chris pulled up alongside him; he'd been trailing most of the ride up to now and Vin turned to look at him.

"So where are we headed?" Chris asked softly, his tone carrying a little of the warmth that'd been missing. The tone reserved for him and no one else. 

Was music to Vin's ears, Chris' version of the peace pipe. Vin was sure the words 'I'm sorry' hadn't ever passed from Chris' lips, but Vin knew that question, in that tone, was about as close as Chris Larabee would ever get. Man wouldn't show his belly to anyone, even if it was in the form of an apology. Sometimes, Vin didn't understand that way of thinking. Most times, he accepted it as Chris' nature. Most times, it was just one of the things drew him to Chris so strong.

"A funeral," Vin answered, after a time, letting Chris stew and getting his own words in order.

"A funeral, huh?" was all Chris asked.

They rode on into the afternoon and then on into the evening. Vin had a spot already picked out. High up on a mesa, the view was incredible. It was a peaceful spot, hardly never visited by nobody. He'd stumbled on it in his travels, before he'd come to Four Corners, kept it in the back of his mind as a sacred place, a place to hole up if the need ever came.

They'd be there in another day. He could lay Daniel and the others to rest the following sunrise. He'd gathered a few things, before they'd set out, and Vin ran over his supplies one more time. He knew he had what he needed, just hoped Chris understood that he was putting it all away and behind him for good. 

They made camp silently, spread out their bedrolls on opposite sides of the fire. Chris' doing and Vin almost picked a fight then, see if he could get to the root of Chris' problem. Asking sure wouldn't get him any closer, but get Chris' blood worked up a little and he'd spill in anger what he wouldn't spill, otherwise. Worked right good, most times, but Vin didn't think he had it in him to lance that boil this night.

Maybe on the way home, once he'd set things right. If Chris hadn't come around by then, well, he'd do something about it, then.

He curled up on his side and watched the fire dance, watched Chris through the flames, his hair shining, his body tightly coiled. He was keeping watch, Vin knew, even though Vin'd said there weren't no need. Weren't no one anywhere near here, not for ten, fifteen miles. They'd left any kind of trail behind, earlier in the day. They were out where no one would disturb them. No one but the coyotes, anyways. 

Vin hadn't even wanted to make a fire, the heat of the day still sitting on them like a living thing, but he didn't say a word when Chris got one all stoked up. He watched Chris some more, but Chris didn't watch him. Got him to wondering if that meant anything or not.

Vin woke before dawn, like he always did. Chris already awake, watching him across the coals of the burned out fire. Soon as Vin's sense of smell woke too, he smelled the coffee. Chris rose and brought him a cup, still not saying anything. They shared time, sipping on their coffee, watching the sun rise up over the distant mountains. Was going to be a right pretty day. Vin took it for a good sign as he finished his coffee. Weren't nothing worse than a rainy funeral. 

They rode in silence most of the day, started heading up about mid-morning. They'd be on top the mesa well before the sun set. Vin knew the way up, he'd found a hidden trail when he'd been out this way, last. 

Vin led the way, let his horse pick where to switch-back on the steep trail, let him have his head as long as he kept moving in the right direction. He could hear Chris and Pony behind him, both of them breathing a little heavy as the trail grew rougher and the elevation higher.

They made it to the top of the mesa without mishap and Vin took his time settling on a spot. He led them toward the easternmost edge of one of the points that jutted out. It looked about right to him. Felt right, too.

He set up their camp, let Chris sit up on his horse and look around for a spell. They'd been silent during the trip, but it was a good silence. Maybe another good sign, Vin hoped. 

"Nice spot," Chris said, keeping his voice low. 

"Found it a few years back. I used to come here, but I ain't been out this way in some time."

"Feels like we're the only two people in the world," Chris said before he dismounted.   
It'd be dark soon and Vin wanted to hike a ways over to the other side of the point in the mesa, he'd get a right good view of the sun going down from over there. He itched to ask Chris to join him, but he didn't want to be turned down. He tried not to sigh, then. He knew that two weeks before, the thought of asking or even having to ask would never even have crossed his mind. They'd have just naturally stepped out together. 

Vin took his time getting his horse settled, he still had half an hour or so before he'd need to head toward the other edge. He felt Chris doing his settling, too. He didn't look over when Chris laid out his bedroll across from his instead of next to like he'd hoped. 

When he finished setting out the things they'd need for a late meal, he gathered his canteen and started toward the other point. Weren't far, maybe a quarter mile or so. He walked slow, waiting for Chris to maybe follow him.

He walked right up to the edge, sitting down cross-legged when he got there. Another day gone, another one fixin to come up right behind it. It was predictable, comforting and nothing would ever change it. No matter what men got up to on her, the earth would continue, time would pass as it always had. Gave him a sense of peace, reminded him that what he got up to just weren't all that important. Most people didn't understand why he didn't get riled up too often. If'n they spent more time watching the sun rise and set, they might understand a little better. 

Most things weren't worth getting riled up about, most things righted themselves, with just a little help. Or maybe it was just *his* nature to see the world that way. This was one of those things though, one of those things needed a little nudge to be set right. 

He hadn't seen a glimpse of the shadow since before he'd decided to figure out what he needed to do. Once he'd made his decision, the shadow'd stopped playing with him, stopped sending him reminders that this whole business weren't behind him just yet.

"Reminds me of our first sunset," Chris whispered from just behind him. Vin'd felt him approach and wondered how long he'd stand there just watching him.

"Your hair blowing in the wind, sitting up on that rise."

Vin remembered that day like it was happening now. He'd known, then, just what an important part Chris would play in his life. It'd been a feeling he got deep down inside whenever he looked Chris' way. Whenever he stood beside him, stood up against the men set on hanging Nathan, then stood with him against that crazy colonel and then James' men. It's what made him sign on with the judge, even though he'd planned to leave town before the whole business had started up. 

Chris let out a long sigh before he spoke again. "I didn't know, then, what you'd come to mean to me, Vin. If I had, I don't think I would have stuck around." Chris let his words settle as he got comfortable on the ground next to Vin. He looked to Vin, catching his eye before he spoke again. "I'm glad I didn't know." 

Chris was like to turn his head, all that sweet talk. He stifled a laugh, Chris would probably think he was loco, laughing when Larabee was all serious. Maybe people who told him he had a strange sense of what's funny were on to something. 

"I knew," Vin said softly, once the urge to laugh had passed. "It's why I stuck around." He could do sweet talk, too. He did laugh, just a little then. "I always was one for the fellers, Chris. I'm surprised it took you so long to figure out."

Chris smiled at him then and Vin couldn't help smiling back. It felt good to be sitting there, watching the sun set. Felt right, for the first time in weeks. 

"Chris?" Vin asked after a time, when the sun was down and the only thing left of it was a glow on the horizon.

"Yeah?" Chris asked, looking at him.

"You believe in ghosts?"

Chris looked a little surprised, then. But he took the question seriously, Vin could tell, and thought on it a little before he answered. "No. But I haven't thought about it all that much," Chris said, looking away again. "I haven't really wanted to think about it, I guess, Vin," he said as he looked back. "I spent a lot of time making sure I didn't think too hard about things like that."

"It's all I been thinking about, lately."

"Is that why we're here?" 

"Yup. I figure them boys ain't never had anyone say some words over them. Ain't never had anyone honor them the way it should have been done. Reckon their ghosts might rest then."

Chris' head cocked sideways a little as he thought on it some more, and then he nodded to Vin that he understood; or accepted Vin's belief, anways. Chris might not believe in ghosts but he understood the need to put memories of the dead to rest, Vin knew.

"How about we get some rest, too? Could be a long day tomorrow," Chris said as he climbed to his feet. He reached down, offering his hand and Vin took it, let Chris pull him up. Sure felt like he'd been doing a lot of that, lately.

*****

Vin woke before Chris for the first time in a long while, he realized as soon as he opened his eyes and saw Chris sleeping across from him. He silently went about his preparations, knowing Chris needed his sleep and not completely sure how he felt about Chris witnessing his ritual. Old taunts of 'savage' came into his head, unwanted. Chris didn't think that about him, he knew. But it was hard to forget, sometimes, the hatred behind those words. 

He thought on his grandpa some more then, thought it would be nice if he showed himself today, but Vin didn't hold out much hope. His grandpa's spirit was done with him, he'd known it right after he killed Loch. Weren't anything else he could do. He'd done plenty though and Vin was grateful; he could do the rest on his own.

Vin stripped out of his clothes then and sat down by the glowing coals. He had plenty of light to work by as he tied his smudge sticks of white sage and sweet grasses. He'd use them for the final rite, to rid the boys of Loch's evil spirit, just in case.

He took the Bowie knife he'd kept hidden away out then, used it to cut the ends of his smudge sticks. He held it in his hands, felt the weight of it, tried to get it to sit right. It was just a thing, it had no magic. He held it in his right hand, pressed it right up to the flesh inside his left elbow, held it there, pressed a little harder until he could see pricks of blood. He sliced a little then and the sharp pain felt good. 

"What the hell are you doing!"

Vin startled then and drew the knife down the inside of his elbow, hissing involuntarily as the blood began to flow.

"Dammit, Vin, what the hell are you doing?" Chris asked again, reaching out and taking the knife from him.

He didn't really have an answer, but before Chris had startled him, he hadn't done any damage.

Chris pulled the bandana from his neck and held it to the deep cut, trying to stop the flow of blood. "I can't believe I thought this would help." Chris grated as he pressed harder.

"It's fine!" Vin said as he pulled his arm away from Chris' doctoring. "If you didn't go and startle me, I wouldn't have cut myself!"

Chris backed off then and Vin couldn't blame him, waking up to that. Vin finished tying off the bandana, held it tight to get the blood to stop flowing. He hefted the knife again; maybe it did hold some sort of magic, cutting him like that without even Loch there wielding it. His head shot up then, his eyes searching for Chris. 

"You trust me," Vin said, no doubt in his voice or heart.

"You having a revelation there, Vin?" Chris called out from where he rummaged through their supplies. 

"You saw what I done, then you told me to keep the knife I done it with."

"Figured it was his and you needed to keep it."

"No wonder you ain't been sleeping," Vin muttered under his breath. 

"What was that?"

"Sun will be up soon," Vin said, checking to the east.

"You need me to do anything?"

Vin shook his head. He didn't need Chris to do anything but stay quiet and out of the way. Chris was pretty good at that, sometimes. 

"Here," Chris said, kneeling beside Vin. "Put this on it."

Carbolic acid? When did Chris pack in doctoring supplies? "Thanks," Vin mumbled as he prepared the medicine. 

"If you're looking to hurt yourself, I suppose that'll hurt some."

He couldn't argue. From Chris' point of view, it probably did look like Vin was trying to hurt himself.

"I asked old Jake about Comanche rituals," Chris said softly, looking away, but not moving away. "He said when he was a captive, they would show their grief by causing themselves pain. I can't say I understand that way of thinking or that I even want to. He told me some squaws even killed themselves if their husbands got killed."

"You understand, Chris, and you know you do," Vin said then, before he could stop the words from coming.

Took a long time for Chris to answer, long enough for Vin to get the long gash tended and wrapped. 

Chris was on his feet and heading away before he answered. "I suppose you're right," he said quietly as he walked off.

Vin finished his preparations alone while Chris went for a little walk. Vin had been hoping to see the shadow, had hoped to try to talk to it, but it just weren't cooperating. Hell, it wasn't like it cooperated before, neither. He worried that he didn't have any peyote, but it couldn't be found in these parts. 

He set out to gather branches for the teepees, then. He had some hides with him, small ones for the small teepees. He'd make one for each boy. There weren't no bodies to have rites over, so he'd have to make do.

Took him nearly the whole of the day to finish the preparations. Every so often, he'd remember he wasn't alone and look for Chris. Chris didn't move much all day, just shifted positions, getting comfortable, his head stuck in a book. 

Almost sunset and Vin was ready to begin. He lit the fire he'd prepared and sat down to begin chanting. He hoped the boys would show themselves with Chris there. But if they were really spirits, they'd know Chris weren't no threat. And if they were just conjured from Vin's mind, well, his mind knew Chris was no threat, too. 

He lost time again, but he'd known he would, going into the ritual. He tried to draw the spirits, tried to call them to him, but it just weren't no use, he decided as the sky started to show gray from the east. Hell, he'd been at it all night and he hadn't so much as felt the chill that came right before the shadow taunted him.

He took a break, standing and stretching the hours spent sitting cross-legged out of his body. Every bone in his back cracked as he stretched. When he finished stretching, Chris stood next to him, holding out his canteen.

Vin took it wordlessly, sipped from it as he watched the day rise up. He handed it back and thought on what to do next, thoughts of Chris disappearing as quick as Chris did.

He'd make representations of the four of them, to go in the teepees; that might help. He gathered the wood, then went to get a knife. He hesitated at the camp he shared with Chris, hand hovering between his own knife and Loch's. His hand went to his own knife, without conscious thought guiding it. He settled under a tree and set to carving.

He had the first figure carved and put to the side, was just reaching for the next when he noticed Chris next to him. He met Chris's eyes, seeing the question there and he nodded. Chris picked up one of the small pieces of wood and began to carve too. 

Didn't take them long, the two of them working together, before they had four figures carved. Vin gathered all four and took his time placing them in the small teepees. Chris held back and Vin motioned him forward.

"I don't know if'n I'm doing this for me or them, maybe that's why they haven't come," Vin said after a spell.

"You expecting company?" Chris asked, just as soft.

"I ain't loco, Chris."

"I didn't say you were." Chris touched him then, reached out and pulled him to him, one arm over his shoulder. "I don't think it matters much, who you're doing it for," Chris said as he released him and walked back to the tree he'd left his book under.

Vin went back to chanting, then. Sitting cross-legged in front of his fire, he lit his sage, let the familiar scent wash over him. He closed his eyes and let the visions come, concentrated on memories he'd locked away to find his sanity. 

They came in his mind then and he realized it would have to be enough. First Michael, and Vin let the feelings come back. The shock of seeing what Loch was capable of, the first time he'd witnessed it. The fear, he could admit to now. The shame at being used, the guilt for being party to what was done to that boy. He let it all flow through him, every emotion he'd locked away with the memories. The screams, the cries of a boy wanting his mother, the gunshot and the dead boy's brains all over the ground. 

When he'd remembered every last detail of what Loch did to Michael, when he'd given his apology for his part, even though he knew he held no fault... then he set the teepee on fire, let it burn down to the ground. When it cooled, hours later, he spread the ashes on the wind. 

He didn't take a break then. He returned to his fire, added fuel to it and let his mind go to James. He'd blocked out most of what was done to James, didn't even remember it when most of the memories came back. He let them all come back now, remembering the boy who'd caused him to lose his words.

James, a fair-haired, brown-eyed boy of around fifteen. Confident and cocky, the world at his feet. His mouth getting him into trouble even after Loch showed the boy his true nature. Loch cut his tongue out, almost let him drown in his own blood before he fucked him. His strangled screams took over Vin's mind then and Vin thought he might have screamed, too. If he had, it was the last sound he made until he finally found his words again.

Vin let the memories wash over him, he didn't know or care if he screamed or cried, just bore witness, again, to all Loch did to that boy. James wasn't lucky enough to get a bullet to the brain, without warning. He bled to death, slower than Vin thought was possible, his tongue cut out like it was. Vin buried him then, while Loch watched, laughing. This time, he set him to rest, proper.

When his teepee finished burning and cooled, it was morning, but Vin hardly noticed. He sat back down in front of his fire, ready to remember Matthew. He started chanting; he hadn't lost his words this time.

Black-clad legs next to him and Vin stopped mid-chant.

"I'm not going to let you kill yourself," whispered from above him and Vin let himself be pulled to his feet. 

He took the offered canteen, swallowed past his sore and swollen throat. He drank it dry and handed it back. He went to sit again, but Chris pulled him away from his fire, away from what he needed to do.

"I said," Chris said, pulling him around to face him, "I'm not going to let you kill yourself."

"I need to do this!" he yelled, trying to shake loose from Chris' grip on his arms.

"It'll keep. It's kept this long. I won't try to make you eat or sleep, but you are taking a break." Chris pulled him away then, pulled him away from his fire and the last of the teepees. 

Vin fought him, he didn't know if he could start up again, if he stopped.

"Stop it!" Chris yelled, giving him a hard shake. "Buck knocked me out when I fought him. Don't think I won't do it to you!" 

Vin went still. He was too drained to fight Chris and he knew it. "Keep the fire lit," Vin rasped out as he shook free of Chris' grip and walked away. 

Chris didn't follow and Vin didn't look back. 

He stumbled to the edge of the western side of the point in the mesa. He couldn't focus, the memories were still flashing through his head, but not near as strong as when he sat there concentrating on them, willing them to come. His entire body ached, he realized as he grew more aware of the world he was still part of. His head hurt, like he'd been pulling on his hair. His palms burned, like he'd had them in a fire.

He collapsed to the ground then, not caring he was so close to the edge that small rocks skittered off, kicked over the side by his feet. He lay on his back and stared up, stared up into the sky. He didn't know what time of day it was, couldn't even figure it out from the sun's position.

Chris didn't come find him and for that, Vin was grateful. He lay there staring up at the sky until he felt the world right itself, staggering to his feet before he couldn't do it. If he laid there another minute, he'd wouldn't have been able to stand.

He went back to the fire and found Chris sitting off a ways, making sure it stayed lit, just like he'd asked. From where Chris sat, he could have watched Vin, too, he realized. He nodded to Chris, didn't get an answering nod in return, but Chris watched him. He didn't turn away.

Vin settled back in front of his fire and went back to his memories. One by one, they came back to him, the memories he'd locked away but good. Matthew was next and Vin honored his life by remembering his last days. He'd lasted longer than all but Daniel and Vin lost time, remembering everything Loch did to break that boy. He'd fought to the last, like Daniel had. It made Loch's hunger stronger, his depravity darker, each of his urges more sinister than the last. 

Remembering that part of it gave Vin a little peace where his own actions were concerned. He'd remembered his inaction as cowardice. Allowing all that had happened back into his mind colored that memory. It weren't cowardly, he realized as he remembered Matthew, to force his body and mind into inaction. It was the only way he had to fight Loch, to not drive him to new heights of cruelty. Loch fed off others' pain, Vin remembered, again. 

Vin lit Matthew's teepee, said his words, let it burn to ash, cool, then spread the ashes. He would take a break without Chris forcing him to, this time. He knew Chris watched him even as he spread the last of the ashes, could feel him from all the way back where they'd set up camp.

He took his time leaving his spot, stoking up the fire some before taking a break. He didn't look at the last teepee, there'd be plenty of time for that later. He dragged his tired body over to his bedroll, but didn't lie down. He sat, staring off into nothing, let everything out of his head that would go. He didn't want to think about anything for now.

He looked down to find his canteen in his hands and it took him a minute to realize Chris sat next to him, on his bedroll, their hips and shoulders touching.

They sat silently, Chris staring off into nothing, too, if Vin guessed right. The horses got in a little spat then... Chris must have fed them some grain. The world still moved, no matter what Vin got up to, he realized with a start. He didn't know how long he sat there, when he next thought of anything at all, he realized Chris was gone and he was cold where he had been warm from Chris leaning against him.

He stood and stretched, feeling like he was a thousand years old, then went back to see things through. His fire burned bright, just as bright as when he'd left it even though hours had passed. He got comfortable and started his chant, unable to keep from hoping Daniel would show himself in this world, instead of only in Vin's memories.

Vin took his time, remembering Daniel. He remembered it all, every single detail he could wring from his mind. He'd been near crazy when Daniel had appeared, in the cave. As the days went by, the boy brought his mind back, brought his spirit back from the brink of being lost forever. He gave his thanks, even though the time spent with Vin had cost the boy his life. He would not deny that gift. He would honor it by remembering him and his spirit. And he remembered it wasn't he who had cost Daniel his life; it was Loch done that. 

Vin pictured himself how he must have looked back then. He had barely any flesh on his bones; he was a wild, skittish thing. Constantly chained, unable to speak. He couldn't have done anything to save that boy, he knew it from the moment he laid eyes on him. Knew it the entire time he'd let that boy pull his spirit back from where it had gone.

Daniel gave him a gift and Vin knew it now for what it was. He honored it the only way he knew how. Vin rose and took Loch's knife in his hands, cut off the braid that rested close to his scalp, under the rest of his hair and threw it into Daniel's teepee. He spread the fire, watched it blaze away, taking Daniel's spirit with it, setting him free. Vin danced then, the dance taught to him by his grandfather's mother. He heard the drums, the chants of the only people he'd been able to claim as his own.

He'd walked two worlds his entire life and done fine. He would walk two worlds again, he felt, suddenly. For now though, he put Loch and his deeds behind him as he spread Daniel's ashes. His world would settle back into the one he'd made with Chris and he knew he had a right to that world.

Once Daniel's ashes were gone on the wind, Vin put out his own fire, burned the rest of the sage and chanted one last time. He sent Loch away, gone for good this time.

There was only one thing left to do. He went to the western edge of the point in the mesa and looked out. It was a long way down, rough terrain, so rough no human had probably ever stepped there. He still held Loch's knife in his hand. He took a few steps back, then ran forward to gain momentum. As he reached the edge, he threw Loch's knife as far as he could. He didn't watch, just turned away and walked back to the camp. It was done.

He felt Chris watching him but he didn't say anything to him. Wasn't much he wanted to say. He laid back on his bedroll and closed his eyes. He had no idea how long they'd been there, didn't know what time of day it was. The only thing he knew was that it was all truly behind him now. The only think he wished for now was for Chris to join him on his bedroll. But he couldn't say the words out loud. He'd deal with Chris later, for now, he'd sleep.

**********


	10. Chapter Ten

Vin was physically as tired as he'd ever been, and yet he didn't feel the kind of tired inside that he sometimes felt when things were weighing on him. He could live with that. He let Peso pick his way back down the trail, giving him plenty of rein and letting him use his instincts. Chris followed a safe distance behind, and stayed behind him until they reached relatively flat ground again and he could come up beside him.

Vin looked over and gave him an exhausted grin. Chris snorted a little, but returned it. Vin hoped it was obvious that the worst was over and that he'd finally get some peace now. He didn't like the idea of Chris worrying over him, especially when there wasn't no need.

"Thought about sending a wire to some of them boys' families, let 'em know they wouldn't be coming home," Vin said after a while, staring ahead out into the desert.

"Some of them?" Chris asked, curious.

Vin shrugged. "Only three of 'em left families behind. Loch bought the other one from an orphanage. Thought about paying that little place a visit in person. Make sure the man who was running it then ain't still there selling little kids he done had his way with."

Chris looked over at him, eyebrows pulled together, expression telling Vin he didn't like what he'd heard. "No definite plans yet, though?"

"Ain't decided for sure. Might be kinder to let those boys' folks think their sons are just out in the world having adventures."

"What about the orphanage?"

Vin sighed. "The law ain't on my side in this. Don't have any proof that the man done those things to the kids that Daniel told me he did. Might be bringing myself trouble for nothing if I can't do nothing about him."

"If you decide to go, and he's still there, we'll find a way to stop him without bringing any trouble down on us."

Vin looked over at Chris, stared at his profile a while. Chris meant every word he said, Vin knew. Sometimes the law didn't matter; if something was right, it was right. If Vin found that the man was still there and something needed to be done about him, Chris would help.

"Maybe we can find out if he's still there first, before we make any plans to head out that way," Vin said.

"Sounds good," Chris answered and gave him a nod.

They rode on in relative, comfortable silence until the sun started to go down, and then they found a spot to camp for the night. Dinner was just jerky and some warmed beans, but it was the best meal Vin had had in ages. It was the first time in a while that Vin's mind wasn't off somewhere else while he shoveled food in his mouth without thought. He actually tasted pepper in the meat and the sweetness of the beans. Vin's belly felt warm as he filled it. Things were definitely getting better.

Except for one nagging little problem with Larabee. Once again, when Chris put down his bedroll for the night, it was on the other side of the fire. Vin was about to lose his patience. With an exasperated sigh, he picked up his own bedroll and stomped to the other side of the fire. 

Glaring down at Chris' surprised face, Vin said, "You move either of these bedrolls and I'll skin you. Ya hear?"

Chris laughed, some of the tension leaving his face. "I hear ya."

Vin nodded and settled down again, staring into the fire, letting himself relax. Chris sat next to him, poking the embers now and then with a long branch. Plain wore out and needing the contact, Vin leaned sideways against Chris. Vin was relieved when Chris' arm wrapped around his shoulder. Vin pressed sideways further then, letting himself melt against Chris. Felt damned good.

Chris' other arm came around Vin, then, and Vin found himself embraced the way he'd wanted for a while now, but hadn't been able to come out and say. Nose nuzzled against Chris' neck, Vin breathed deeply, inahling Chris' familiar scent. Vin couldn't resist then, and opened his mouth to latch on lightly, to taste.

Chris gasped and then pulled away, leaving Vin chilled when he took his body heat with him. Vin was all kinds of mad, on top of being plumb confused. "You don't want this kinda thing between us from now on, you best tell me now."

Shaking his head and getting up to pace, Chris turned a troubled look his way. "It's not that, Vin."

"What is it, then? All this is over, I thought you knew that."

Chris' brows pulled together. "It's over for you, maybe, but not for me."

Vin looked at him sideways. "How's that?"

Chris let out a frustrated sound, then rubbed his hands over his head. "For you, all this happened years ago. But me? I just found out about this, Vin. To me, it's still fresh."

Vin could understand that; he hadn't been too much in the mood for that kinda foolin' around himself when it felt fresh again to him. But there was more than that to all this, Vin could sense it the same way he could sense which way the wind was going to shift when he was about to take a long shot with his rifle. Some things he just knew.

"What else, Chris. Best come out with it," Vin said, getting up and standing in front of him. Chris looked out into the dark of the night, then down at his boots, everywhere but at Vin. "I got all night, Larabee," Vin warned softly.

Chris did raise his head then, and Vin was a little startled by the sadness in Chris' eyes. "Whenever I start thinking about us, you know... I can't help but start thinking about him. Loch."

Vin squinted at Chris, trying to make sense of what he'd just said. "Thinking about getting personal with me makes you think of a loco murderer?"

Chris' jaw clenched. "I keep picturing what that son of a bitch did to you. Every time I close my god damned eyes, I see that bastard hurting you!"

Vin blew out a gusty sigh. Chris had it all wrong. "I guess I ain't told you enough of what you need to know."

"Oh, I know plenty, Vin."

Vin's anger mounted again. "No, you don't. Chris, taking me unwilling wasn't nearly the thing that made me half crazy. And besides, that didn't have a damn thing to do with what you and me get up to."

Chris started to turn away, but Vin grabbed him by the arm and jerked him back around. "You need to understand. I got over that part of it a long time ago. It's done, it's buried."

Anger flared in Chris' eyes then. "Over for you, maybe. But every time I get your clothes off of you, I'm gonna have to see that man's mark on your body, and I'm gonna have to see him in my mind, when it's supposed to be just you and me."

Vin felt like he'd been punched in the gut, and he wanted to punch back. "So you got yourself a sore spot 'cause somebody else marked me before you could? That's what you're saying?"

Chris' eyes widened at that and he looked damn near sick. "Dammit, no! Ain't about me marking my territory, and you know it!"

"I don't know what the devil it is, 'cause you ain't told me!"

"Vin, I don't want to have to picture him doing that to you every time you and me get together. Seeing his initials carved and burned into your skin is gonna do that."

For a second, Vin felt as though Chris was punishing him for having fallen prey to that monster, but that was just his hurt talking, and he knew it. Weren't fair, but the more he thought on it, he could see how it would be hard for Chris.

"You wanna cut it offa me?" Vin asked softly.

Chris' face pinched, and he gave him a disgusted look. "Hell no, I don't want to be cutting into your skin. Don't even think that."

Vin threw his arms out in frustration. "I don't know what else to do, Chris. You won't lay with me while I got that mark, you won't git rid of it for me. What else is there? And if you say you ain't never gonna do that with me again, I'll do more'n black your eye, Larabee."

Chris looked skyward a long moment before he met Vin's eyes again. "I do have one idea. I can let you do it to me."

Vin immediately went cold all over. Chris had said some dumb shit in his day, but this took it all. They'd tried that once, and Chris'd hated it. Of course, with Chris hating it, Vin had, too. What the hell was the man thinking? Boiling inside, Vin shrugged and said, "All right then. Drop them britches and bend over."

Chris winced hard, his body jerking a little, like he'd been slapped. He didn't say a word, though.

"Yeah, that's about as sentimental as a cow patty baking under the sun, ain't it," Vin hissed, more riled at Chris than he'd been in longer than he could remember.

Chris half-turned away then, and Vin let him, for the moment. Chris still hadn't said a thing.

Vin stepped around Chris to get face to face again. "I just rid the world of one monster. What makes you think I'd wanna be one like him after that? What makes you think I'm like him, that I get my pleasure from hurting people?"

From the looks of it, Chris was about to lose his supper, and Vin realized Chris hadn't thought of it like that at all. Part of Vin only knew that Chris should have thought of that, but another part said that Chris was only doing the best he could, and that Chris would never knowingly compare him to the likes of Loch.

"I didn't mean it like that," Chris finally answered, voice soft and strained.

"I know you didn't. But we're gonna have to do something about this anyhow, and it ain't gonna be by you turning your sorry ass into some kinda sacrifice."

Chris nodded, looking downright contrite. Son of a bitch looked like he was ready to crack a smile, too. "If I tell you I'm relieved would you black my eye?"

"Don't think it ain't crossed my mind already," Vin said, giving Chris another glare for good measure.

The trace of Chris' grin disappeared then, and his face got serious again. "Vin, I..."

Vin shook his head, put his hands on his hips. "Chris, it don't matter to me that I'm the one getting poked in this thing we got. You ain't seen me have a problem with it before, have you?"

"No, I haven't," Chris admitted. Hell, they both knew Vin liked it more than about anything in the world. Got downright demanding about it, most times.

"All right then," Vin said. "Now, if you tell me you don't like sucking me anymore, then we're gonna have a problem."

Chris chuckled softly. "That isn't likely."

Next thing Vin knew, Chris was on his knees in front of him, hands on Vin's hips. Chris looked up at him, his eyes intense with what he felt, and Vin could see that it was a lot. It warmed Vin inside even as it made his cock start to get hard. Still looking up, Chris began working on Vin's britches till the front flaps were open, and soon had the tip of Vin's cock in his mouth.

Vin shuddered hard, the moist heat of Chris' mouth giving him all sorts of sparks in his balls. Chris closed his eyes and took more of Vin's cock into his mouth. Vin moaned softly as Chris began to move his mouth up and down, sucking him in and out. His lips dragged wetly over the skin of Vin's shaft, adding to the tingles buzzing in his groin.

Vin slid his fingers into Chris' hair, as Chris gripped Vin's ass through his buckskins and sucked him harder. It'd been too long; Vin couldn't hold on. The tingles all pooled together then fired off in one, big explosion. Vin came hard into Chris' mouth, and he swallowed every drop.

His knees buckled then, as he saw spots behind his eyes. Chris helped him down his bedroll and curled up next to him. When Vin caught his breath he glanced sideways at Chris, happy to see the smug smile on Chris' mouth that had been gone too long. Vin reached for the back of Chris' head and tugged him close enough for their lips to meet. Vin tasted a bit of his come on Chris' mouth, so he slid his tongue over Chris' to taste some more.

When their mouths finally parted, Vin burrowed his nose into Chris' neck again. "Got an idea, cowboy."

"I'm listening," Chris said, sounding amused as he rubbed small circles over Vin's back.

"Don't look at my back," Vin whispered against Chris' ear. "Can't think of nobody but me, if you see my face instead of my back when you're inside me."

Chris didn't say anything, but he did pull Vin in tighter against him. Vin took Chris' earlobe between his lips, sucked on it lightly, then let it go to blow a soft breath in Chris' ear.

Chris shivered a little, and Vin knew that Chris was going to give in, finally. Vin really couldn't blame Chris for still being spooked, now that he knew what that mark on him was. Vin realized that Chris would have to see that mark a hell of a lot more than he would. But he wasn't about to let Loch take away the most important thing in his life. Loch had taken enough; he wasn't coming back from the grave to take Chris, too.

Vin licked along the line of Chris' jaw, his tongue tingling from the rasp of rough beard growth, until he reached Chris' mouth, then kissed him, wet and deep. If the hard thrust of Chris' tongue against his own was anything to go by, he'd missed this as much as Vin had.

After long minutes of Chris kissing him and running rough hands over him, they pulled back just enough to get their clothes off. Vin felt himself rushing, and likely for the wrong reasons. He didn't want Chris to have time to think on it too much and change his mind. A glance at his eyes now and then as they stripped showed Vin that Chris was already a little hesitant.

Chris had only just shoved his union suit out of the way when Vin tugged him, hard, and pulled him on top of him. Chris was hard enough, Vin realized, feeling the heavy length of Chris' cock pressing against his belly. Vin hooked his legs over Chris' waist and stroked over Chris' back. The full weight of Chris' body over his own felt great, and the teeth nibbling at Vin's neck made him shiver.

Vin groped behind him with one hand till he found his saddle bag. He'd had the boys' funeral in mind when he packed, but he damn well had this in mind, too. Finding the little tin of oil, he shoved it into Chris' hand.

Still mostly laying on him, Chris still managed to get a hand wedged into Vin's ass cheeks, and soon enough, oily fingers were working inside him, Chris' mouth still sucking on Vin's neck. Vin bent his knees further, opening himself even more for Chris as he moved down enough to line up his cock. 

Chris hesitated a little, and Vin took his face in his hands, tugging his head over to kiss him. It was a bit wet and sloppy, but Vin didn't care. All he cared about was Chris slowly pushing inside him, filling him up good. At last, Chris was buried inside, as far as he could get. He raised up a little, so his head hovered over Vin's, as he began to slowly pull out and shove back in again.

It burned some, but Vin loved it, loved that it was Chris doing it to him, setting his ass on fire like that. Vin was too exhausted to get hard again, but it still felt damned good. Felt good to look at Chris' face while he fucked him, and know that Chris wasn't thinking of the ugly things in his past. Chris' expression was tight with concentration as he worked his hips, driving his cock in deep, dragging it out of Vin again, only to plunge back inside again, fast and hard.

Chris' face pinched up, and his eyes squeezed shut. He thrust in hard and fast, and Vin knew he was coming, spurting way up inside him. He clutched at Chris' back as he shuddered through his orgasm and finally collapsed completely on top of him. Vin tightened the grip of his legs around Chris' waist, wanting to keep him right there, as long as he could.

After a few minutes of Chris panting against Vin's neck, his breathing evened out. Vin grinned to himself; Chris had dozed off, his cock still up inside of Vin. Wasn't the first time that'd happened. He wouldn't stay that way long, Vin knew, but that was all right. Vin was just happy that finally they were getting back to normal and that at least something hadn't changed because of Loch. It'd be a while before Chris would be able to look at his back and not look like he was gonna be ill, but it'd happen one day, Vin knew. He'd give Chris the time he needed to get his head together on this. Hell, Chris had done the same for him, so how could Vin do any less in return?

Vin reached back gingerly for his thin, spare blanket and lightly draped it over them at the waist, so that at least Chris' bare ass was covered. He closed his eyes, and found himself thinking about Daniel again. He hadn't seen his spirit as he'd hoped he would, but he'd remembered him properly, remembered his pain, his gift, his courage.

As he drifted closer to sleep, Vin's mind wandered back again to the day Daniel died. It was as if the pictures in head slowed down this time, so he could concentrate on each second. The way Daniel had landed, clutching the end of the rope that lay over his heart like a wreath... The expression on the boy's face as he slowly fell to the ground... there was peace, there, acceptance.

Vin opened his eyes, but they blurred as realization washed over him. Daniel hadn't shown himself in the shadows because he needed something from Vin; he'd shown himself because Vin needed something from him. Forgiveness, assurance he was at rest, Vin wasn't exactly sure. But whichever it was, the boy had given it to him. So now it was time to let him go.

"Go on, now. I done got what I needed," Vin whispered as soft as he could, so as not to wake Chris. He closed his eyes again, said a final, silent goodbye. Daniel wouldn't show himself again; he didn't have to.

With a deep sigh, Vin gave in willingly to the weariness dragging him toward sleep. 

*********

 

Vin settled into his seat on the porch and put his feet up on the railing. The daily morning show would start in about half an hour and he thought about waking Chris to see it. Chris hadn't missed a sunrise yet since they'd returned from their trip, two weeks before. 

He had his coffee in hand, but he'd left Chris' in the pot to stay warm. Chris had been sleeping better, but he still wasn't sleeping but four or five hours a night. Vin wouldn't wake him if he didn't wake on his own. Vin, on the other hand, had no trouble sleeping. Hadn't since they returned from the mesa. And now that he and Chris were back to having relations, his life was back to the way he liked it.

He sipped on his coffee, remembering the night before. His backside was a little sore but he didn't mind. It meant Chris could look at his back without flinching, could take him from behind, the way Vin preferred. Hard, fast and deep, yep, that's what he liked. He smiled into his coffee then, thinking about Chris' games... the way Chris liked to tease him by keeping things slow and easy. Man loved to hear Vin begging, loved to bring him to the edge and then pull him back again. Vin loved it too, loved the way Chris made him feel all over, and not just his body, but every single bit of him there was.

Chris came stumbling out the doorway, holding his cup, and Vin smiled bigger into his coffee. "Pull up a seat, show's about to start."

"Can't wait until winter when the damned sun doesn't rise so early," Chris mumbled as he settled into his chair. 

Vin smiled bigger into his cup. Chris' bitching wouldn't fool him. Nope, Chris liked their morning routine as much as Vin did, he just weren't too friendly until he was awake a spell. Well, unless he woke up to Vin sucking on him. He was pretty friendly when he got woke that way.

"We should finish the barn today," Chris said once the sun was up and they'd both finished their coffee.

"I can't believe it went up so quick."

"Well, we've hardly been working on anything else. You want a full breakfast or will leftover biscuits be enough?" Chris asked over his shoulder as he went back into their cabin.

"M'starved," Vin called out loud enough for Chris to hear him.

"Of course you are," Chris answered over the clang of the cast iron skillet hitting the stove.

They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence... the one they'd always been able to enjoy together and had back once again. 

They worked all day, getting the rest of the inside finish work complete. By dinner time, all they had left to do was spread the hay into the stalls. 

Chris went to fetch the horses, leaving Vin to spread the last of the hay.

Chris got all five horses settled pretty quick; once they knew there were grains waiting for them, they gave him no trouble. 

Vin leaned on his pitchfork and watched the horses munch on their treat. He felt Chris move up behind him and lean on him a little, arms wrapped around Vin's waist.

"Feels good to have this done," Chris said softly.

"Yep."

"There's an empty stall over there," Chris whispered, wicked tone letting Vin know just what he wanted to do in that empty stall.

"Maybe we should get some more horses, then," Vin answered with a shrug. He couldn't keep the smile off his face, so he turned his head so Chris couldn't see it.

Chris rested his chin on Vin's shoulder and held on a little tighter. "I've been thinking, Vin. Come spring, maybe we should take a trip and try to catch some yearling mustangs. Could be a good idea, adding some mustang blood to our stock."

"I been thinking too. Now we got the barn up, it shouldn't be too hard adding on to it. Eight stalls ain't that big, is it?" Vin couldn't help smiling. What a couple of fools they were, Chris wanting to catch wild mustangs and Vin wanting to add stalls to a barn he thought was too big in the first place. He shook his head a little, fools, that's what they were.

"What's so funny?" Chris asked, nudging him in the ribs.

"Nothin', just thinking on some things, that's all. You think she'll have a colt or a filly?" Vin asked, tilting his head toward the mare in the end stall.

"Don't have any idea. We'll know in another month," Chris answered as he released Vin and headed out of the barn. 

Vin watched the horses settle in their new home for a little while longer. They'd probably want out before too long, once they'd finished their grain and the sun went down, taking a lot of the heat with it. Until then, he'd take the rest he earned. He took his time making his way to the porch where Chris sat on the steps, looking around the place they'd made together. 

"You look happy," Chris said when Vin took a seat behind him, leaning on Chris' shoulders. Chris leaned back, resting his arms on Vin's legs. 

Just in time for sunset. Seemed like they worked sunup to sundown most days, but it was honest work and the results of all their hard labor were easy to see. 

They watched the sun set in silence, Vin thinking about how happy he'd be if all his future held was days like this one. A man to share his life with, honest work to keep him busy, good food, breeding good horses, good friends. Weren't really anything else he needed out of life.

"I never could have imagined I'd have all this," Chris said softly. 

Seemed like their minds were on the same thing, Vin realized. It'd been that way since the day they met. Vin remembered a poem, one he'd heard a long time ago, just never had any occasion to use it.

"Nei-na-su-tama-habi," he recited, right in Chris's ear, soft as he could and still be heard. He felt like a fool saying them words aloud and he knew his face flushed.

"That a sun prayer?" Chris asked him.

"Something like that," Vin whispered, holding on tight to his future. Long as Chris was in it, he didn't much care what it held. He thought on his words to Chris. Maybe one day he'd say them in English.

*****  
End

*****

Vin's poem is an actual Comanche love poem.   
Translation: I lie down and dream of you. I rise up and think of you. When the wind blows through my hair, I'll know you are moving in my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
